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Thread: get away right?

  1. #101
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    The marriage can be "saved" IF and only IF the BOTH of you want to save it.

    You're hoping one kiss and watching TV together for 2 hours means he wants to stay together.

    But did he say he wants to stay together?
    we talked at length about divorcing. i asked him a few times what he wanted, even setting it up by saying "if this is what you really want, we can split everything up like we talked about and i'll give you a divorce per your wishes". at first he was like "ok" and started talking about dates we could meet w/ lawyers, then he lost emotional control and started crying and saying how he just wanted to be happy.

    i didn't know what to do so i just held him in my arms as he cried. he then proceeded to kiss me (again) but this time passionately. then he said he really didn't want divorce but needed some space. i then asked again, if he wanted me to move out and get legal matters in order so we could do a "true" separation but he said he didn't want that because if we decided to stay together he'd want me with him. im not sure if he just doesn't want me to leave the home so he can keep an eye on me or not, like if i start dating or something.

    but anyway, i gave him an OUT, TWICE! and he didn't commit to either out.

  2. #102
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    we talked at length about divorcing. i asked him a few times what he wanted, even setting it up by saying "if this is what you really want, we can split everything up like we talked about and i'll give you a divorce per your wishes". at first he was like "ok" and started talking about dates we could meet w/ lawyers, then he lost emotional control and started crying and saying how he just wanted to be happy.

    i didn't know what to do so i just held him in my arms as he cried. he then proceeded to kiss me (again) but this time passionately. then he said he really didn't want divorce but needed some space. i then asked again, if he wanted me to move out and get legal matters in order so we could do a "true" separation but he said he didn't want that because if we decided to stay together he'd want me with him. im not sure if he just doesn't want me to leave the home so he can keep an eye on me or not, like if i start dating or something.

    but anyway, i gave him an OUT, TWICE! and he didn't commit to either out.
    When did this conversation take place?

  3. #103
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He wants to be happy without you with the other woman. That's what the tears are about. If he were worried about you dating he would not be out with his mistress and begging for divorce.
    Originally Posted by Purdy
    i'll give you a divorce per your wishes".

  4. #104
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    part of me feels he is torn/confused about what he wants and then another part of me feels like he knows it's over for him and is having a hard time letting me go.

    still, we made love after that recent conversation and didn't use protection. not one of my brightest ideas but how can i deny myself and him that connection? we both have always agreed our sex life is amazing and it brings us together. he initiated it and of course i'm going to go along with it because he's my husband and i love him.

    i am having him stay in our guest room now, because i'm trying to be strong but it's very difficult. he came home at a decent hour last night and we had some small talk, that was about it.

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  6. #105
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    When did this conversation take place?
    after i came home this weekend. i brought it up after i got some courage from staying with my friend for the night. i told him we needed to talk and although, he seemed annoyed he talked to me for 2hrs at least.

  7. #106
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He wants to be happy without you with the other woman. That's what the tears are about. If he were worried about you dating he would not be out with his mistress and begging for divorce.
    i dont know if he is cheating or not. sure it's a possibility but i have no proof and really cannot jump to that conclusion without facts. i'm not saying it isn't happening but until i know for sure, i can't accuse him of it.

  8. #107
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you hoping a surprise pregnancy will tie him down to you? Have you considered that you may benefit from therapy to improve communication skills, clarity and effective assertiveness? This includes the use of bizarre gender gymnastics, the backhanded and passive-aggressive approaches to avert divorce and generally using all sorts of strange devices to avoid truth, honesty and reality?
    Originally Posted by Purdy
    we made love after that recent conversation and didn't use protection.

  9. #108
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Are you hoping a surprise pregnancy will tie him down to you? Have you considered that you may benefit from therapy to improve communication skills, clarity and effective assertiveness? This includes the use of bizarre gender gymnastics, the backhanded and passive-aggressive approaches to avert divorce and generally using all sorts of strange devices to avoid truth, honesty and reality?
    it's harsh that you'd even say something like a "surprise pregnancy" as you don't know my circumstances with fertility. nor would i ever try to tie a man down even if i was able to get pregnant.

    as i've stated before, i didn't see the point of revealing my gender because the situation is the same no matter the gender. i also was trying to avoid having biased opinions from others based on my gender.

    i don't think i'm passive-aggressive at all when it comes to this challenge in my life. i'm dealing with it as anyone would, in pain and trying my best to sort through whats happening in my own time.

    it's very hard to leave someone you love, especially when the last time you spoke with them, they expressed they didn't want a divorce.

  10. #109
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    Since he says he doesn't want a divorce, did he agree to stop with the late night/overnight outings? Did he agree to put focus on you and your marriage and stop acting single?

  11. #110
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Since he says he doesn't want a divorce, did he agree to stop with the late night/overnight outings? Did he agree to put focus on you and your marriage and stop acting single?
    we talked about some specifics but not the late night/overnight outings. we just agreed on having "space" for now. to be honest though, this last week of "space" has been very difficult for me having to live with him and watching him come and go. he also still throws mixed signals in there on occasion. for instance, one day he came home and requested to "hold me" while he slept so essentially we snuggled while he took a nap but then that was it. he's still sleeping in the guest room of our home, not wearing his wedding ring, and came home at 2am one night.

    i can't keep living like this and waiting for him to make a decision. i've decided to stay with a friend while we are separated or taking some space. it's too painful to see him come and go like he does and also have opportunities to request comfort from me when he needs it. i think i'm going to stay with a friend while he's going through whatever it is he is going through. i just need to get out of the house for my own mental sanity.

    i've decided to pack some clothes for a few days and stay with a friend. i'll come back to the house to change out clothes every now and then. i just dont see the point of being there in our home anymore, living in limbo.

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