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Thread: get away right?

  1. #91
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Unless you have an amicable divorce, you would need to have an attorney of your own.
    His attorney will represent him and his best interests. If you two do decision choose to use one, you are to go to the attorney appt's as well.
    Do not leave this up to him.
    we discussed it would be amicable. he wanted to know what i would want and i expressed it, to which he said wouldn't be a problem. so no attorney's should be needed unless he goes back on his word which i understand could happen.

  2. #92
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So your plan is to stick around until he decides to serve you with divorce papers?

    Can you live like this for possibly several more years?

    What would he have to do for you to decide to divorce HIM?
    where we live you can't just serve your spouse, there has to be a separation first to which we both would want this all ironed out before the separation so there are no surprises for either of us.

    no, the thought of living like this any longer gives me such anxiety.

    i'm not sure. but the obvious one is tell me there is someone else and he's not coming back to me.

    i did ask him this weekend if he wanted me to move out and just leave him alone but he declined and said that's not what he wanted and put both his hands on my face and kissed me. you can see why i'm confused even more now. i did have him move to the guest room. i didn't want him to deep down but i know i have to start taking steps and try to be strong

  3. #93
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    both his hands on my face and kissed me. you can see why i'm confused even more now. i did have him move to the guest room. i didn't want him to deep down but i know i have to start taking steps and try to be strong
    It's those moments that are meant to confuse you and keep you off balance.
    There is nothing kind behind that kiss. It's manipulative and cruel, yet it's the very thing that keeps you from moving forward. And he knows it.

  4. #94
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    where we live you can't just serve your spouse, there has to be a separation first to which we both would want this all ironed out before the separation so there are no surprises for either of us.

    no, the thought of living like this any longer gives me such anxiety.

    i'm not sure. but the obvious one is tell me there is someone else and he's not coming back to me.

    i did ask him this weekend if he wanted me to move out and just leave him alone but he declined and said that's not what he wanted and put both his hands on my face and kissed me. you can see why i'm confused even more now. i did have him move to the guest room. i didn't want him to deep down but i know i have to start taking steps and try to be strong
    Just like watching TV together for 2 hours, that kiss won't glue your marriage back together. But it sure has the effect he desired which is to throw you off balance and allow him to keep the upper hand.

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  6. #95
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately when people talk like this it means you're in for some huge and very unpleasant surprises. Listen, you're not "we" or "us" or a team anymore. He wants a divorce. That means plaintiff and defendant not Mr and Mrs lovebirds. There is nothing "confusing" about "I want a divorce".

    He's patting you on the head with 'there, there', so he can easily get out of this to his greatest advantage and take care of himself and his new woman and discard you like a used dishrag. Stop talking to him. You need an attorney for advice. You are doing just about everything to make matters worse such as leaving the marital home or asking him what you should do. He no longer wants to be your husband and therefore no longer has your best interest in mind.
    Originally Posted by Purdy
    so there are no surprises for either of us. i did ask him this weekend if he wanted me to move out and just leave him alone but he declined and said that's not what he wanted and put both his hands on my face and kissed me

  7. #96
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    It's those moments that are meant to confuse you and keep you off balance.
    There is nothing kind behind that kiss. It's manipulative and cruel, yet it's the very thing that keeps you from moving forward. And he knows it.
    i'm not sure why he wouldn't want me to move forward though if we've agreed on what we would split in a divorce and i've offered to move out and leave him alone.

  8. #97
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Just like watching TV together for 2 hours, that kiss won't glue your marriage back together. But it sure has the effect he desired which is to throw you off balance and allow him to keep the upper hand.
    i'm genuinely confused why he'd even want an "upper hand"? we talked about how things would be split in a divorce so there isn't anything to fight or worry about now. i've had breakups before, obviously just boyfriends as this would be my first divorce if it should happen. but in those breakups when a man is done he is done. my husband doesn't show those same signs. unless it's all guilt that's keeping him from making everything permanent

  9. #98
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately when people talk like this it means you're in for some huge and very unpleasant surprises. Listen, you're not "we" or "us" or a team anymore. He wants a divorce. That means plaintiff and defendant not Mr and Mrs lovebirds. There is nothing "confusing" about "I want a divorce".

    He's patting you on the head with 'there, there', so he can easily get out of this to his greatest advantage and take care of himself and his new woman and discard you like a used dishrag. Stop talking to him. You need an attorney for advice. You are doing just about everything to make matters worse such as leaving the marital home or asking him what you should do. He no longer wants to be your husband and therefore no longer has your best interest in mind.
    i'm not someone to give up on my marriage due to anger/hurt. yes it's incredibly painful to be going through this but how can i just walk away. i only stayed with my friend one night, now i'm back home. i've already talked to an attorney and know the laws. if this marriage ends it won't be because of me. he will have to be the one to end it. i dont know how i could live with the regret of wondering, had i just given him some space and time to think through this, maybe would could have saved our marriage.

  10. #99
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    But he is giving up on your marriage.
    Originally Posted by Purdy
    i'm not someone to give up on my marriage . i've already talked to an attorney and know the laws.

  11. #100
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    The marriage can be "saved" IF and only IF the BOTH of you want to save it.

    You're hoping one kiss and watching TV together for 2 hours means he wants to stay together.

    But did he say he wants to stay together?

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