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Thread: Trapped and unhappy in marriage

  1. #31
    Originally Posted by Purdy
    well at least you're not being selfish about it. if you're willing to live with the consequences and let her go then at least you're not leading her on.

    this is going to be very painful for your family (wife, kids, you). but if you seriously can't see yourself living the rest of your life with her and giving her the love and support she deserves from a husband, then i guess you have your answer.

    if my husband were saying these things, perhaps it would be easier for me. the fact that he still wants to sleep with me is strange but that's my story and not relevant here.
    I feel like I have been so selfish in this past year, and that I am being selfish with how I feel right now. But then to an extent I feel like I have been unselfish too, in that for a long time I have hidden my true feelings for the sake of my wife and the kids. I feel like it's a double-edged sword, as letting her go would be selfish to an extent (doing so because of my feelings and not her own) and also unselfish (giving her the chance to find the love that she deserves, regardless of what happens to me). As you say, I honestly feel like I have my answer too - although I do want to try marriage counselling.

    I don't know what to say with regards to your husband - it certainly sounds like a tricky situation. I know that I feel most guilty when we are intimate, to the point where I have minimised taking the initiative (only to an extent where it would not arouse suspicion). As I said above, I do hope that you both find clarity and a resolution that works for you both, whatever that may be.

  2. #32
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
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    96
    Originally Posted by jackhammer84
    I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing something similar with your spouse - I hope you are doing okay in your situation. I don't fully understand it myself and as I haven't yet been through any kind of counselling this is the first time I've been able to really try to 'unpack' it, so to speak.

    It's complicated because I don't think she's unattractive - yet I don't feel attracted to her any more. I get that it sounds completely contradictory! She doesn't meet my sexual needs and honestly never really has, but historically I've always loved everything else about our relationship so I have looked past it. She doesn't really consume herself with motherhood - I think she has a good balance in that respect - though I get where you're coming from with that suggestion.
    it's been a struggle, but thanks for the kind words. still, this is your thread so i'm not going to hijack it.

    ok so maybe it's that you just want something new. i've read even the best marriages divorce because people get bored. perhaps this is what you're experiencing. maybe it's that you did the married, have babies, have a home thing, and you're over it and ready to try something new (with the exception of still being a father as you've said) with someone new. i could be wrong though.

  3. #33
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    96
    Originally Posted by jackhammer84
    - although I do want to try marriage counselling.

    I don't know what to say with regards to your husband - it certainly sounds like a tricky situation. I know that I feel most guilty when we are intimate, to the point where I have minimised taking the initiative (only to an extent where it would not arouse suspicion). As I said above, I do hope that you both find clarity and a resolution that works for you both, whatever that may be.
    i think it's great you want to try counseling. people are so quick to divorce these days so counseling is a good start in that you don't want to rush into anything. you have to have two partners willing to do counseling, so you have that...or at least i think you do if your wife will go.

    no worries, my situation is not normal (but what is these days right?) still this is your thread. if you've minimized initiation then i'm sure she will put that piece together once she finds out how you feel. people tend to do that when something goes wrong, looking for answers in the past to help understand the present.

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