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Thread: Need help

  1. #1
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    Need help

    So I was engaged to this guy and we were together for 6 years, when he would get upset he would have rage attacks and yell at me and it would get so bad that he would scream in my face and hit walls or doors then tell me look what you do to me! He would be upset because I didnít care enough or make him feel wanted or make him feel heard enough. I really did try my best I would do a lot that I thought would make him feel good but he would still yell at me and tell me that I wasnít trying enough or that I didnít care since I wasnít changing for him. He just never forgave me and stayed mad at be about it, but the next day he would spoil me and care so much for me... I was exhausted, every time we talked he was defensive and ready to fight but I just wanted to talk and resolve things but he would just yell and attack me every time and tell me everything I did wrong and how I did him wrong and how I would never make anyone happy or that any man would yell at me and that I would be alone forever! There was maybe once in the 3 last years we were together where he was able to stay calm and collected but all the other times he would just lose it. I had a very deep connection with him, especially emotionally and everything else was amazing, the only problem was his rage when we would have a disagreement. The other day he was yelling at me again about not being good enough and I kept telling him that I was trying my best and he kept telling me to get the out so I told myself you know what? Iím so sick of this! Feeling drained after he yells at me and feeling like I wasnít good enough and feeling manipulated and like my feelings didnít matter and only his did he just kept kicking me down mentally and just kept making me feel worse and worse so I packed my bags and finally left! Iíve never felt this lonely or broken before. I feel so lost and like I have nobody to be there for me anymore or to just help me emotionally and mentally. He was a great support and partner, aside from when we caught. First time I have a breakup and I donít want to talk to any guys or even think of being in another relationship! Iím really scared amd I donít see any light or feel any motivation and I wanted to reach out and hope that I could just get some good words. I really appreciate your time guys thanks.

  2. #2
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    I know itís hard to see now but you really need to distance yourself from this guy. His rage will get dangerous eventually and will ruin your self esteem.

    Iím trying to be gentle with what I say because I too dated a guy just like this. We had a very intense passion for each other and he always had me laughing. He was definitely the most sincere guy Iíve ever been with when it came to snuggling and talking after sex. BUT he was verbally abusive when he was angry and hit and slammed things too.

    It reached its high point one night when he would not stop screaming at me outside a bar. That this other man came out and threatened to kick his butt if he didnít stop yelling at me. I ran to my car and got out of there. Only to wake up the next morning with small bruises on my arms from him pulling me out of the bar to yell at me.

    I decided then that it had to end and I broke up with him. Trust me, you will find someone with just as much passion and connection someday. This guy isnít good and no one deserves to be told the things heís said to you. You should read some books on verbal abuse. I had to do that once we broke up so I could stay strong and stay away from him. It will be crushing to see how much you dealt with when you read them. I cried when I realized what Iíd been through.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    How long ago did you leave him and has he reached out to you since you packed your bags and left?

    He is abusive so it is good to read that you left him. Where are you staying now? He will likely try to contact you and try to talk you into coming back. DoNOT go back to him. Do not let that you are scared or depressed or grieving make you think you will be better off going back to him because he will treat you even worse if he knows that his whining and pleading and promises will bring you back to him.

    In time you will get your joy back but you have to first rehab from your addiction and dependency on him.

    There are abuse hotlines that you can call and talk to those that will help you and offer you some good words and support so please google for a number where you live and give them a chance to help you with your confidence in being away from him.

    You did the right thing in leaving so please be proud of yourself for doing that.

    Here; I hope you will take advantage of the link to Domestic Abuse Hotlines:

    [Register to see the link]

  4. #4
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    This man isn't a great partner, OP. A great partner does not emotionally and verbally abuse - ever.

    Does anyone in your life know how abusive he is? Is there someone close to you that you could trust to confide in? Leaving an abuser is hard, especially when you have kept the abuse a secret. It is a very isolating feeling, but perhaps if you reached out to someone you can trust, you might find more strength to stay away from him. Check to see if there are any support groups in your area, too. Sharing your story with others who have been through it can be a relief and empowering.

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  6. #5
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    How can you consider yelling, screaming and breaking things "great" and "supportive"?

    It's very good you left him. He will never stop this behavior. Never.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This guy has something wrong with him, you cant fix him, he needs some serious therapy only a professional can give him. He is abusive beyond words. I'm glad you left, dont even think about going back to him. You deserve better and if you dont think you do, then you need therapy too to learn how to believe in yourself and move on from him.

  8. #7
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    Jesus... He sounds awful.

    He's an emotional abuser and manipulator. I'm not sure how you're so twisted up to think that you have this great emotional connection but trust me you do not have any such thing. Ok look I get it everyone fights, it happens. But normal relationships, and loving people do not go out of their way to treat their partner the way he's treating you.

    He's responsible for his rage and attacks. Not you. Don't blame yourself and don't let him blame you. Stand up for yourself. If he really loved you he wouldn't treat you so poorly.

    Run! Do not look back. Trust me that is not normal behavior. And not love.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    He sounds exactly like my ex husband.

    My best and most supportive advice? Ground yourself in the reality that he was abusive and that a loving relationship does not include violence of any kind... then focus on what you need to do for you to believe you are worthy of much, much better.

  10. #9
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    Insecure, manipulative and an abusive bully!

    Do not go back. Block this guy, and contact an abuse hotline. None of this behavior is normal. ir was really sick and dysfunctional relationship. I think you are fooling yourself to think that you have some great connection. Terrible.

    Don't you have friends or family to turn to?

  11. #10
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    Please do not date anyone for a long time, or you will likely choose another abuser. Did you grow up in this type of environment?

    I read a previous thread, it seems you have a history of choosing abusive men. Please seek some therapy so you do not repeat again.

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