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Thread: Need help moving on

  1. #11
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    Its very common to get back with your ex. I know it ended in an extreme way, but the beginning first year and a half was extremely amazing. It matters for me to think about the what-ifs because my brain is delusional and thinks there's a small chance of winning her back and fixing everything. If everyone just sucked to me, I would know rationally that its not a good move to be with them. But I did make bad mistakes and I learned a lot. I didn't think about the cultural differences. I didn't handle the bad situations well enough. Rationally, I do think that there is no way to undo what happened. Im a mess pretty much

  2. #12
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    Self flagellation doesn't benefit you either. Again, unless you get some kind of enjoyment out of it.

    You were in a relationship that didn't work out. Yes, it's painful. But what are self torture, endless rumination, dwelling on what if and drowning in regret going to do for you? None of that will change a thing.

    Forgive yourself for any perceived "wrongs" and allow yourself to let go. It will be OK.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by aydenkk90
    But maybe they treated me like that because I was the "boyfriend". Once married, why be bad to me?
    Why would you want anyone who's bad to anyone, at any time, for any reason?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by aydenkk90
    But maybe they treated me like that because I was the "boyfriend". Once married, why be bad to me?
    Sweetie, when you get married, things get even worse. Since you were just a boyfriend, they were still holding back a bit on the worst of themselves. Why be bad to you? Because they are bad people, crazy, abusive, dysfunctional, toxic.

    Overall, your pro list is just a short list of nothing much of any real value and certainly nothing to base a marriage on. However, on your con list are huge, serious, major problems.

    Please please please understand this - marriage NEVER fixes anything in a relationship, it only makes things worse.

    You are lucky this girl is out of your life. Very very lucky. Please do some serious thinking about what is right and wrong and what is and isn't acceptable behavior. You were tolerating abuse and for what? Raise your standards....a lot.

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