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Thread: How to approach a crush - but with complications...

  1. #1

    How to approach a crush - but with complications...

    So here's the thing... Maybe I'm making this out to be a bigger problem than it really is. Also the fact that I am new to these emotions; I have never felt this way about anyone before. I was told through a coworker that this guy at my work liked me (long before I got feelings for him). Since we work together, he's always shown hints and tries to get me to notice him more. We are more like acquaintances though; we don't really know each other that well. He tried to talk to me some months ago, asking about something simple like school. Except this was when I was in a relationship with someone else, and I thought I shouldn't even talk to him at all (I was worried what my past bf would think). So I was fighting my feelings for this new guy, which made me a bit cold to him. I feel regret for ignoring him and for behaving this way. This is because, over time my feelings have grown and I realize I can no longer hide them. (I am no longer in the past relationship, but my ex is still very clingy).

    I feel like I should make some kind of move or at least drop hints to this new guy, but I'm not sure what is the best way. I also feel bad for kind of rejecting him before, so that's also holding me back from doing anything now. I know since we work together it should be easy to flirt, but the thing is that we don't work together that often (like 1-2 days a week) and in different departments. But I'm thinking about him constantly every day. It's hard to focus on other things. He's on my mind when I fall asleep and first thing in the morning. And I'm also imagining scenarios that I wish could happen with us. I'm very uncomfortable in that feeling of not knowing what will happen. It gets me thinking maybe I shouldn't just rely on seeing him at work. And I always feel disappointed if he doesn't show up one day, like something's missing. Should I try reaching out in another way? But I just worry that it would look stalkerish if I followed/messaged him on social media, even though he still obviously likes me. I'm always worried because my ex isn't over me and might be stalking me. I feel like I still care too much for my ex's feelings even though there's someone else in my heart right now. With the new guy, I honestly just want to come out and tell him how I feel. But maybe I should just try to get to know him better first? I just know it's not emotionally healthy to bottle up my feelings anymore. What should I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need a clean break with your ex and you need to be firm and honestly breakup and cut things off. Do not chase the work guy. It's a workplace not a dating site. Right now you feel trapped in an impossible and bad relationship. This is why the fantasies about the coworker are bothering you.
    Originally Posted by SavanahGram
    my ex is still very clingy. I'm always worried because my ex isn't over me and might be stalking me.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like you've broken up already with your previous partner so let it go. You owe him nothing else. He has no hold over you anymore. If you have issues with "stalking" make sure you remove your availability on social media and stop making yourself available for easy tracking. You'll be a sitting duck for anyone who is curious about your life.

    I'd keep things professional and friendly at work and get to know this coworker a bit better as a coworker. You might find out he's not so great at following up on items, a bit scatterbrained, not so organized, not very motivated overall in his career and that might be a turn off to you. It is likely not a good idea professing your love for someone you don't know very well.

    At the moment I think you've got your head a bit in the clouds and that's ok. You're daydreaming and prospecting from afar. Aside from that this isn't anything else. See whether you get along as coworkers or what he's like and go from there.

  4. #4
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    It's okay to like a coworker, but I would not pursue him, keep it professional at work. Try to distract yourself with hobbies and friends, good luck!

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