Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: NC from day one, itīs really hard to keep going, any advice?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    6

    NC from day one, itīs really hard to keep going, any advice?

    This is my first post and I will like to ask for advice in the community, English is not my mother language, so I apologize for any mistake on the writing. Hereís the story I will try to make it short. I was dating this girl for couple of weeks in may, things were going fantastic and one day she tells me sheís going abroad to study 2 months. We kept dating and one week before she was going to leave I ask her to be my gf, she accepts and I tell her I will wait for her to prove I donít want to be one more in her life, she agrees. The first couple of weeks of her in her trip we were chatting a lot, but as she got to know new people she started to contact less and less, I confront her and said I donít want to control her but that she going out partying and donít replying my messages for hours didnít feel quite right.

    We fought and I went NC 3 days where she got really angry, we talked and fixed things up, but as days were going she started again to text less and less, I was the one asking her to do video calls but sometimes it felt like she only accepted just to please me, the conversations were not long and didnít have quality as before. I hold up to the fact that she was having fun and as soon as she will be back everything was going to be like before. The day she came back she asked me not to pick her up because she wanted to be with her family, next day we met and talked a lot, I ask her to have a private weekend, but she rejected because she was on her period and had a party with her school friends where no boyfriends or girlfriends were invited, I said ok no problem, that weekend I went out with my friends and she texted me angry because I stopped texting her while I was partying, thing that really pissed me off because she did it in her trip. So that weekend her family invited me to a welcome party, and I went, all the time she was with me she was texting guys and sending them selfies, I didnít react.

    Couple of days later I invited her to a movie where she was distanced an also always on her phone, didnít react neither, I ask her again to have some time together as she says she canít, maybe the next weekend. Those days she didnít text that much because was busy at work and get home very tired. In the weekend she invited me to a friendís party, I went there and again sheís really cold towards me, I ask if we were going to spend the night and says no, that her parents will kill her if she stays outside (she already did it once before leaving), I ask her whatís wrong, what happened that sheís really distant, she says that everything was going too fast, that I already know her family but she doesnít, that she wasnít to get to know me better, that we are so alike but etc etc, I tell her ok, lets get to know each other again of what she says if I didnít want something with you I would take you to my friends and family, later on she kept chatting on her phone and sending selfies to other guys and then I lost it, I ask her if she does that with all her friends to what she says why Iím spying on her, I said I didnít chek her cell only that the last couple of days together she was always chatting with the same guys, she says yes I do it with a lot of friends please donít check my cellphone.

    Later she just started dancing and chatting with her friends and left me there alone so I just made new friends there and started drinking, later in the night we had other fight and she says that she thinks that I only asked her to be my gf because I wanted to control her on her trip, I said no, she ask then to be together but not in a relationship , that she will be faithful but not committed , I said no I donít accept that and left. Next morning, she texts me saying that sheís sorry, that she was drunk, etc. I tell her if you want to fix this you know where I live, she goes to my place and tells me the exact same thing, ®I donít want commitment®, I just tell her ok, ask her if she cheated on me on her trip what she says no, I then just tell her ok, Iím not going to force you to be with me, thank you for the moment we had together it made me happy and left.

    Later she sends me a text saying sheís going to regret letting me go but that we where on different pages, I reply again with im not gonna force you to be with someone you donít want, I like you a lot and im happy I kept my promise of waiting you, this isnít the way I expected things to go but ok. She says she doesnít want to leave but donít want the commitment, that she likes me a lot but doesnít know what to do, I reply with you donít know how much I like you and care for you, she replies with ®me too® and then ask me howís my day going, I never reply back. Next morning, I search the chat to reply but her profile pic was not available what means she erased me, later that day I check again and there was again the picture. The advice Iím looking for Is what should I do, these days had been eternal for me, barely slept, I keep thinking of her, wanting her to show up and fix things, I never begged I never treated her wrong. I know it wasnít much time we spend together but I really liked her. What you guys think of her behavior and what should I do?
    Last edited by SEJOKESIL; 08-20-2019 at 12:56 PM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    718
    Gender
    Male
    Please use paragraphs.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,348
    She sounds like a typical young girl.

    Is she a teenager or young 20s?

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    6
    Sorry for the text wall, already edited it.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,010
    Gender
    Female
    Please break into paragraphs if you want replies. Most of us dont read walls of text.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    6
    Hi

    sheīs 23 iīm 29.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,396
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SEJOKESIL
    she thinks that I only asked her to be my gf because I wanted to control her on her trip,
    I read the entire thread and at this point said `bingo' right out loud. From the onset I sensed the same thing.

    You knew this girl a mere 2 weeks and ask for a commitment from her prior to leaving for 2 months. Why? There is no other reason I can think of, other than to lock her down while she's gone.

    You didn't know each other and yet she is bound to you in some way. You had expectations that matched that.
    This started off badly and things that start badly, end badly.

    What you guys think of her behavior and what should I do?
    I think her behavior is not unusual for a young independent woman her age, who isn't interested in some guy trying to control her.

    I think you should focus on your part in all of this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,815
    Gender
    Female
    I'm not a fan of you having to prove anything to her at the start. Your language suggests you're taking on a burden or bridging a gap for her insecurities which shifts a great deal of weight to you. It's imbalanced and unhealthy from the beginning. Where any one person bears the burden of proving trustworthiness in any way the relationship begins flawed. This is why the survival of relationships after infidelity is low. Trust has been broken. In this case, trust was not there to start with. There was very little time for you to get to know one another and I don't think this is typical behaviour of most people even teens.

    My only advice to you is to watch how far you're willing to bend and make up for the insecurities and lack of trust in a relationship. Try and be more open with yourself and real with yourself in what you can and cannot do. This comes with time and practice. If you have role models in your life or people you can look to for support and guidance in how to conduct yourself you might want to observe these individuals a bit more or try and emulate their sense of balance and how they treat others and themselves. Try learning this early on.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    6
    Hi,

    thank you for your reply. Well to be honest that was not the idea, i didnt want her to think that of me and while she was gone i only bring the subject once, later i just let her be. if thats waht you also think, maybe i was wrong.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,815
    Gender
    Female
    I think if you've come across as controlling it's because she seems very low in self-esteem and unable to figure out her own emotions. You're with a confusing person who doesn't want to be with someone like you due to her own insecurities. Try and be more aware of your company and the type of people you invite in your life. The more confusing a person is, the more you might feel it's your responsibility to be responsible and this may make you appear heavyhanded. Get to know each other more next time when you meet someone new. There are other types of women out there.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •