What is his ex's intention?

My current boy friend was in a long LDR for 4 years. They met when she came for one exchange semester. After that they started of with conversation like "How are you" and then got closer. They started dating. He came to visit her once ans she visited him once. After that it's completely long distance for a few years without any meetings in between. He told me he has always had a subtle doubt that they're not compatible and she's not the one and the doubt started growing bigger with time. Then they started to fight a lot and things were really going downhills. She called him by names and attack his body image thinking he was too fat. He realized then it wasn't actually love, just a mix of friendship and codependency andreally wanted to break up but didn't know how since the distance is like 12 hour flight and he wanted to do it properly in person not call or text. He said they mentioned break up all the time and the atmosphere was very cold you can actually feel it was gonna happen eventually. During that time he met me and said he felt completely different and things escalated very fast. However, he kept a certain distance from me and there was no physical contact even holding hands cause he was technically still in a relationship and wanted to respect that. I was also the slow type so I was ok with that (didn't know about his girlfriend back then). He then travel to another country for a conference. She was going home to a country nearby and suggested they should meet. He agreed as he thought it would be a good chance to breakup but it was difficult to tell her cause she might not agree to meet if she knew it's gonna happen. They hung out normally in the morning and he broke things up with her before leaving. They are still friends on facebook. A few days later she updated a photo that he took of her on that day with the location tagged. The first 2 months after the break up she randomly tried to casual talk with him sending him "how are you" though he never initiated a conversation. On Valentine's day she suddenly sent him a picture of her painting from a painting class (we were already dating then and I found it a bit annoying. We didn't publish our relationship then cause we're both not the public type). She kept texting him like once a week about random things. One day I caught her stalking my facebook (she accidentally clicked like) tho there was no interactions between me and my him on FB ever at all. Eventually after 4 months, I asked him to change his profile picture to our photo and make our relationship public on Fb. Since then she stopped follow him on Instagram and stopped sending random messages. However, 2 months after she sent a random message again but he did not answer till 2 days later so she didn't reply afterwards. However, she still keeps the picture taken on the break up day as her profile pic on FB. She still made posts quite frequently so I don't think that's because of negligent at all. Just honestly don't know what she's thinking. It's been 9 months since the break up but the picture is still here.

Why haven't you both blocked her? Seems like a lot of unnecessary drama.

He should cut her off, long ago. Very disrespectful to you. He should have shut this down, long ago.

Stop stalking her.

Did his mother like her or did she give her the same hard time you're experiencing?

He can't say no to his mother, he can't say no to his ex......are you getting the picture? Is that the kind of drama and personality you want to deal with? Who else he won't say no to down the road? Boss, mistress? Dude lives like a tumbleweed, rolling in whatever direction the wind happens to blow. In your shoes, I'd step far away from this mess and lose his number. He is showing you who he is - believe him.

How are you aware of her texting him and his rate of response?

I am confused...

I didn't see anywhere that the OP mentioned the Mother... but two people posted mentioning her.

You are the local 24 week local college girlfriend for now. He has an entire life, family and culture apart from you. This may be the young woman he is scheduled to marry in an arranged marriage. This may be why he and his family keep you at a distance. He doesn't seem to want you in his business.

You can not eliminate everyone from his life and then your college romance will be perfect. He Wants these people in his life. Think about this.

He told me he has always had a subtle doubt that they're not compatible and she's not the one and the doubt started growing bigger with time.

I am confused...

 

I didn't see anywhere that the OP mentioned the Mother... but two people posted mentioning her.

Here:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=561315

I am confused...

 

I didn't see anywhere that the OP mentioned the Mother... but two people posted mentioning her.

She has another thread going about his mother. Basically, they planned a trip together as a couple and mommy wouldn't let him go without coming along to supervise and actually came along because he couldn't say no to her....among other crazy things. This guy is 26.

However, she still keeps the picture taken on the break up day as her profile pic on FB.

Just honestly don't know what she's thinking. It's been 9 months since the break up but the picture is still here.

I take it he's not even in the picture? Then why would it even matter?

She likes the picture. Leave it at that.

After reading and responding to your other thread, it seems to be a recurring trend that your boyfriend is not very experienced setting boundaries in general and it may be carrying forward in all his relationships with women. I'd take a step back, reevaluate and avoid the desire to nitpick his ex's profile photo. If you have questions about their relationship in general, I don't see why you can't ask. I'd be cautious about your tone and how you bring it up in conversation and be aware he may be surprised or unwilling at first to disclose any details. The level of trust and communication in a relationship is usually tested (even if a little) when we make ourselves vulnerable to discussing our past.

If you don't feel the relationship is made out of tougher material or if it proves not to be, I think you have your answer then. I'd open up the communication with your boyfriend on a number of topics but be cautious in the way you present your concerns or the way you seem curious about items. You seem to have a lot of questions about your boyfriend in general and these can only be worked out between the both of you.

I guess if you make it all about mom or the ex, you can avoid addressing the real issues.