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I’m interested in my ex’s acquaintance. We matched on a dating site?


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I broke up with my ex 2 weeks ago. Today I got a match with one of his acquaintances in particular that I really liked, I always thought he was kind of flirty to me, but I wasn’t sure if that was just his personality. He and my ex have really only talked in passing, but he’s closer to my ex’s brother in law

 

He messaged me “Hi there... this feels a little strange...”

 

 

I don’t feel like it will go anywhere bc of my connection to my ex who is pretty popular in our community. He is bitter and hurt about me breaking up with him (we were engaged and I missed being single) and will make a huge deal about it.

 

**Also his other friend who is even closer to him matched me and we talked until I felt bad and blocked him. (But they were much closer friends, since kids)

 

 

I am interested in him but I don’t know how to properly respond? Are they expecting a response? I’m just wondering why someone would do that? Is it just curiosity?

 

 

TLDR, my ex’s acquaintance matched me on a dating site. I’m interested, but it feels awkward and I’m not sure if I should address it or play it off

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You ex is your ex. You are free to do whatever you want.

 

If you're interested in him, start out as his acquaintance, establish a great friendship for a long time and observe what type of man he is. Be careful though. Find out what type of character he is and see if he's worth admiring and respecting as a man.

 

Sometimes an acquaintance can flourish into something more or something will turn you off and he's not as great as you once thought he was. Take it slow and remain cautious always.

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Thank you. I’m just wondering if it’s a bad sign that he wrote “this feels a little strange...”’or what to say to that? It just seems too awkward for him maybe? But then why write at all, I don’t know

 

I see him this weekend at a monthly music party anyway

 

Thanks again

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I thought single was an ideal time to date. So yea I wanted to date... I had been emotionally checked out for a long time. There were no feelings there for me

 

Also, it’s a moderate to large sized city in population, but there are only so many singles in an area

 

Anyway, thanks all who answered

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So, on your other thread "he" is a friend. Here you describe him as an acquaintance. Which is it?

 

In all honesty, dating acquaintances your ex barely hangs out with I'd say is not an issue. But dating a friend or someone who he hangs out with frequently / regularly that could bring all sorts of complications to the both of you.

 

Just my honest opinion.

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It’s a different thread. This is a different ‘friend’. The last thread was about an actual friend?since childhood. I decided it was wrong to pursue that.

For this guy, I use the word friend loosely , because he really only knows my ex through his brother in law and the music scene in my city.

 

And I’m actually fine with just having fun because with it because I will be dead before I’m stuck in another committed relationship... now and for the indefinite future.

 

 

 

 

But I guess it doesn’t matter now. Thanks for the help....

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Ok, then you're broken up and can date whoever you wish. You can't avoid the whole dating pool just because they may or may not know of your exbf.

he really only knows my ex through his brother in law and the music scene in my city. We’re both single and this guy has been single a long time
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Ok, then you're broken up and can date whoever you wish. You can't avoid the whole dating pool just because they may or may not know of your exbf.

 

Thanks. I suppose I can’t if they think it’s “strange” which is fine... on to the next...

 

It’s hard because my ex is very prominent in a certain music community that I’m a part of (he is a musician) so he knows a lot of people...

 

He made our break up very public too and dramatic (not limited to showing up to shows, getting wasted and talking to everyone about it. He’s been dramatic, but I understand he was really hurt bc he was blindsided by the break up and he’s only said nice things about me

 

 

I have been trying to get out of our almost 2 year relationship for almost as long as it had been going on. After we broke up, he snooped with my passwords and saw messages about wanting out that I sent to my friends that go back a long time. I do feel bad about it,

 

 

Like I said, i live in a moderate to large sized city, there are only so many singles I’d consider my type... in that they have similar interests etc , part of same subculture

 

But I guess the search continues. I appreciate it

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OK I would say kindly, get over it - you and your ex will be yesterday's news if you aren't already - people move on to the next mildly interesting thing especially on social media. Breakups where one person has a more public persona or there are lots of mutual friends or colleagues etc are a dime a dozen.

 

Totally fine to date his acquaintance.

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It’s a different thread. This is a different ‘friend’. The last thread was about an actual friend?since childhood. I decided it was wrong to pursue that.

For this guy, I use the word friend loosely , because he really only knows my ex through his brother in law and the music scene in my city.

 

And I’m actually fine with just having fun because with it because I will be dead before I’m stuck in another committed relationship... now and for the indefinite future.

 

 

 

 

But I guess it doesn’t matter now. Thanks for the help....

 

So friend number two in two weeks?!?! Does your town have a population of 12?

 

There are billions of people on this planet, you were with him for years, be a bit more respectful than this, dating isn’t 8 degrees of Kevin bacon, he’s not tied to every human around you. Date someone else... or.... be single for at least more than 14 days after a two year relationship.

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Thanks. I suppose I can’t if they think it’s “strange” which is fine... on to the next...

 

It’s hard because my ex is very prominent in a certain music community that I’m a part of (he is a musician) so he knows a lot of people...

 

He made our break up very public too and dramatic (not limited to showing up to shows, getting wasted and talking to everyone about it. He’s been dramatic, but I understand he was really hurt bc he was blindsided by the break up and he’s only said nice things about me

 

 

I have been trying to get out of our almost 2 year relationship for almost as long as it had been going on. After we broke up, he snooped with my passwords and saw messages about wanting out that I sent to my friends that go back a long time. I do feel bad about it,

 

 

Like I said, i live in a moderate to large sized city, there are only so many singles I’d consider my type... in that they have similar interests etc , part of same subculture

 

But I guess the search continues. I appreciate it

 

Oddly I can relate to this. My ex and I were both very well known in our community and so pretty much everyone we meet in that community either knows one of us or is a friend to one of us in some way. Made it very difficult to date within that community, at least for the first couple of years, so we both ended up dating outside the community for awhile.

 

If he’s just an acquaintance then it’s really not a big deal... I can understand why he thinks it strange as it hasn’t been very long... but if it’s as you say and everyone knows everyone you won’t really be able to avoid it unless you are open to expanding your network.

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It’s a different thread. This is a different ‘friend’. The last thread was about an actual friend?since childhood. I decided it was wrong to pursue that.

For this guy, I use the word friend loosely , because he really only knows my ex through his brother in law and the music scene in my city.

 

And I’m actually fine with just having fun because with it because I will be dead before I’m stuck in another committed relationship... now and for the indefinite future.

 

 

 

 

But I guess it doesn’t matter now. Thanks for the help....

 

Ah, ok. That clarifies matters. In that case, I agree with most that dating an ex's acquaintance is generally not even an issue. Of course, as always there are exceptions.

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Honestly, take a break. You first considered your ex's friend, and then are looking at a guy who your ex knows well enough to know that you are the ex. If he was an acquaintance so distant that he had no idea you were a couple, some guy he knows from a professional organization that would have no idea of his relationship status, that's one thing. But the fact that he knows you are his ex makes me believe he is more than just an acquaintance - more likely a casual or situational friend. I mean, an acquaintance may know the dude had a girlfriend, but if he can recognize you from pictures on dating apps, he is closer than you are letting on or minimizing it.

 

Re-reading again, he is a friend of your ex's brother in law.

 

So - 2 weeks after a break up - leave this dating app that is full of friends of your ex. Honestly. Take a few months and only consider men you meet in person. Anyone who knows your ex are going to feel mega awkward/might feel loyal to your ex or they are going to decide you might be into rebound sex. Why not take yourself off this site, find another one, but mostly, no matter if your relationship was over a long time ago, stop the desperation and reconnect with other parts of yourself.

 

Slap your own hand if you go back to a dating app in the next 5 months.

 

I mean, if you ran into the guy in the grocery store and recognized eachother and caught up and he found out you were single and he asked you out to coffeee -- OKAY - but i would not be eager to match on an app.

 

Two weeks is too soon to be going through your ex's world to look for boyfriends.

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