Heartbreak hurts so bad, don't know what to do

I met her at my part-time job in December.. It immediately clicked and over the Christmas we texted every day, it was wonderful, I was never so happy in my life. But I was careful because three months before this I lived through a terrible heartbreak and I told myself that I must be very careful this time, I told myself that it’s just a fling and nothing more.

Then we started having sex, being together every day, she told me that she is in love with me, that she doesn’t want just some fling, that she didn’t experienced anything like this in her life. We had this very special connection, and my cautiousness went out of the window pretty quickly. We worked together, we ate together, we went on dates together, we slept together, we almost lived together. She even bought us a pet, small rat, so we could care for it together. It was so beautiful, I don’t have words for it.

She told me that she doesn’t want some fling, only real relationship. She initiated everything, basically lovebombed me, one day she asked me if I want to be in relationship with her, of course I said yes, she told me that I am perfect and all these things and I was so blind, of course these things were red flags but I was so blinded by her affection for me, I didn’t see anything. I fell in love with her because I believed her. After three months she started fading out, she told me when men are too kind and caring to her she starts to be mean and nasty and then just ghosted me, broke up with me over a text, didn’t even want to see me.

That was four months ago, since then she sent me birthday wishes but I didn’t even respond because what’s the point? I lived through this once and I know that there is no point. She doesn’t want me, she doesn’t love me, I am doing no contact, I accepted that she won’t come back. I removed her from social media, but she is still watching my stories there, I don’t understand why. I accepted that it is over but that doesn’t stop me from being emotionally broken and devastated.

I think about her every single day even if I don’t want to. It’s like I am addicted to the idea of being with her because it was so beautiful, most beautiful thing in my life. All these questions, did I mean something to her? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why did she pursue me so hard? Why all this affection if it meant nothing in the end? I know it’s over. I am not lying to myself. But I don’t know how to erase these feelings. I won’t contact her because I know there is no point. But that’s not stopping me from being utterly devastated.

TL;DR - had short relationship but it was so intense and beautiful that I can't snap out of it even if it's over

Okay, first thing is first. You are going to be okay. I promise you that in time, you will be alright and ready to meet someone new. I know this hurts but let me see if I can answer some of your questions because you are asking a lot and they are common questions. Asking "did I mean anything to her? or Was it ever real?" are just ways that your body is building a wall to defend itself. Its easier to fool yourself that it didn't mean anything than it is to admit that what you had was lost.

In your life you will learn that you can make no mistakes, do nothing wrong and still lose. Its just life and you must learn how to accept and let things go. But did she love you? She loved you in her own way, you loved her in your way and yes it meant something and yes you were cared for but its over now. What you are going thru is normal.

But you must learn is that its perhaps not her you miss, but the feelings of being in a relationship that you miss and that you will find with someone again. And this next time will be better and more beautiful than before because you will evolve, learn, grow from this and appreciate more.

So what you do is let her go. You had a great time, good memories and you close this chapter of your life and you start fresh with a new girl. Will it be the same? No, you don't strive for the same, you strive for better. So stand up, dust yourself off and say okay, whats next. You go out and you find that guy that attracted your X back in December. I promise, if you work on making you happy, you will attract someone who will add to your happiness.

This is about the last gf, not this one. You were rebounding to squelch the pain and of course that wears off. Unfortunately you are now dealing with the real heartache. Rebounds are usually a too much too soon sizzle and fizzle situation like you described.

three months before this I lived through a terrible heartbreak

Every single time you think of her and remember how "beautiful" it was to be with her, remind yourself that she faded out, gave you excuses, ghosted you, broke up with you over text, didn't even give you the courtesy of telling you in person which was cowardly of her btw and didn't want to see you again. Then you'll feel differently and be glad it was "good riddance."

You feel the way you do because you only choose to remember the good parts of the relationship, of being together and only good times. Think of how she treated you badly and suddenly. Sometimes it is better to be bitter and resentful so it will teach you to take it slower, choose the right one and remain more cautious in the future. Bad memories teach you wisdom and you'll navigate yourself more shrewdly in the future.