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Thread: In a relationship, I love him but I'm IN LOVE with someone else

  1. #1

    In a relationship, I love him but I'm IN LOVE with someone else

    I'm struggling with advice. Im in a 4.5 yr relationship and want out because I realised I've been in love with someone else since before we got together but never gave it a chance. I want to give it a chance now. I know there is no nice way to break up with someone but anyone got advice on the least painful way to do it? So that everyone wont be disgusted with me or hate on the guy I love thinking he broke us up..

  2. #2
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    I think that she will be hurt, any way you do it. I think you simply need to tell her that you don't feel the same, and that you need to end it. Please do not suggest any type of friendship, as this is even more painful. You are doing her a disservice by staying together. You have also prevented her from finding someone who will love her.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't mention the other guy. Simply explain it's not working out... because obviously it's not with or without the other guy.. Then take a break and lay low for a while.

    See if the other guy is still interested once you've broken up and ceased all contact. Do not offer to stay friends. Keep your social media to yourself and definitely delete and block him and all his people after you break up..

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'm struggling with advice. Im in a 4.5 yr relationship and want out because I realised I've been in love with someone else since before we got together but never gave it a chance.
    So has this other guy been in your life for the whole 4.5 years you've been in a relationship?

    You do know that "loving" someone and "being in love" with someone are not two different things, right? Have you spent more than stolen moments with the dude you say you are "in love with?"

    Anyway... doesn't matter how you break up, you're going to crush the guy you're breaking up with if you even give him a hint that its because you want to be with another man so don't throw that in his face in social media, verbally, or through the gossip of any mutual friends. Keep your new relationship on the downlow for a good length of time.

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  6. #5
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    Oops, it's a guy. Same advice

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    First of all, I'd be 100% sure this is what you truly want, simply because once you're out, you're out and can't go backwards.
    Other than that, there's no one size fits all when choosing the right words to end a relationship.

    In any event you're probably better off making it short and sweet, along with a mix of kindness and respect.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's between you and this person you're ending the relationship with. Try staying focused and don't worry so much what others (family, friends etc) think of you. I feel that in order to keep it short and sweet you're going to have to do some refining in your thoughts and emotions. If you come across as confused or confusing, you'll hurt everyone around you including yourself. Take a deep breath, take some time to think it over (think through the past relationship more thoughtfully in the form of your own closure), be thoughtful about how you do it/mindful of the other person's feelings and open to any questions if appropriate and move on with your life. Don't be afraid to start over.

  9. #8
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    Were you ever in love with your partner?
    In love progresses to love and sometimes to indifference , dislike or hate.

    Are you having an affair with this guy?
    What makes you believe he wants a relationship with you?

  10. #9
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    Be honest with him. It will hurt him. There's no getting around that. You need to show your boyfriend respect and compassion by not staying in a relationship with him if you are not truly in to it. You are leading him on.

    You don't get to wait and see if the other guy will pan out. You don't get to stay with your boyfriend while pining away about another dude. That's incredibly self-centerd. I have seen so many of my friends do this and it makes me sick. If you are not in love with him, get out of the relationship.

  11. #10
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    “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.” - Johnny Depp.


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