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Thread: Wondering if we will speak again...

  1. #1
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    Wondering if we will speak again...

    This is really new to me but I’m really struggling after cutting someone out of my life. Long story short me (25F) him (28M) dated for 8 months. He was always really insecure with me being into him making comments about how I was “the girl in high school who would never have talked to him.” He was really indecisive and always blowing hot and cold. By the end he was negging me in front of his friends and what I now believe to be putting me down so I wouldn’t leave. This was also right before he took a temporary job overseas for a year. I loved him but I finally cut him off and blocked him on almost everything except Facebook where I just unfriended. I know I deserve better but I hate how things ended. I’ve been seeing signs of him/his friends on my social media and I can’t help but want him to reach out. It’s been 4 months of no contact. My friends tell me he will never reach out and to move on. But i keep holding out hope he will return. I need some honest advice here. Thank you!
    Last edited by Jbs18; 08-01-2019 at 10:14 PM.

  2. #2
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    "He was really indecisive and always blowing hot and cold. By the end he was negging me in front of his friends and what I now believe to be putting me down so I wouldn’t leave."

    What about this is so appealing you want more of it?

    Let me guess...in the beginning he was really sweet. Or, he was only like that some of the time, the rest he was wonderful.

  3. #3
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    Haha you are right. He opened up another some of his fears/insecurities and our connection was amazing. I kind of expected us/him to move forward not devolve.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Block him on facebook then you wont see what he posts and dwell on it. You need to move on. Time will tell if he speaks to you again, but really, why would you want to talk to him?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    It's pretty rare that connections based on damage evolve. In healthy dynamics, people don't connect by throwing fears and insecurities at a person, vulnerable as that can feel early, because they've got a handle on them and aren't interested in being defined by them.

    Sounds like, over a pretty short time, the very thing he was "opening up" about was the same thing he was throwing in your face and bringing you down with. Zoom out a bit and you can see how what was good and what was bad was maybe kind of the same thing.

    I'm sorry for the hurt—know how these things can get under our skin. But as bolt said, what's the point of longing for someone who treats you terribly and sees, in you, a mirror to his defections?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    My story is different than yours but my feelings parallel yours. I too felt like holding out hope that someone would return back into my life or reach out to me eventually. Then I thought the better of it and grudgingly realized and accepted the fact that the relationship would've eventually failed anyway. Whenever there are stark differences in personality and character, it's no surprise whatsoever that the relationship was doomed for failure. A huge reason is lack of empathy. When a person cannot and will not feel for others, you can try your best to make it work to no avail. Once you know deep within your bones that the relationship doesn't function normally due to totally different wavelengths, staying away becomes easier.

    Also, rekindling often times doesn't work because original issues and problems won't go away. Sooner or later it will rear its ugly head again and you're right back where you started from which was an abysmal situation.

    Think long and hard. When you have long pauses to stop and think, clarity will set in, you will become logical again and convince yourself that listening to your gut instincts was very wise. After that, there is no more yearning and you'll go in the opposite direction feeling relieved that you were rid of a toxic person who wreaked havoc with your life. It will feel as if a heavy weight had been suddenly lifted off your shoulders. Don't go backwards. Keep moving forward and increase your happiness; not decrease it.

    I say, "Good riddance!"

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately he sounds like a jerk and you're somehow still hung up on him. Fortunately for you he ended it and left and went far away. Now get him and all his people off all your social media and messaging apps. Get in shape, improve your self-esteem, socialize more and get a nice profile and photos on some quality dating apps and start messaging and meeting decent local men.
    Originally Posted by Jbs18
    By the end he was negging me in front of his friends

  9. #8
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    Why would you want to return to that type of treatment? I do not understand what you get out of it, except pain. Do you not believe you deserve to be treated with love and respect?

    Why didn't you block him and his friends on FB?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    He was really indecisive and always blowing hot and cold. By the end he was negging me in front of his friends and what I now believe to be putting me down so I wouldn’t leave. This was also right before he took a temporary job overseas for a year.
    I get the impression that he was being that way in order to get you to break up with him before he went over seas so that he would be single while there and he wouldn't look like the bad guy as it was YOUR choice to end things.

    You should really just block and delete him from all social media and ACCEPT that you are better off without someone that runs "hot and cold" with you and who insults (negs) you in front of his friends. He sounds like a right a-hole to be honest and I hope that you have enough love of self to stop thinking about him and to stop hoping the likes of him will return to you. If he DOES return, then you will more likely than not, get the same ill and often indifferent treatment from him. He's shown you who he is so believe him.

    Count your blessings and move on mentally is my suggestion. It's in your own emotional best interests to do so, really!

  11. 08-21-2019, 01:22 PM

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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  13. 08-21-2019, 01:28 PM

  14. 08-21-2019, 01:33 PM
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    Reference to deleted post.

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