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My friend , J works for me. Today she accepted another job as a bus monitor which takes her away at the busiest daycare hours. Basically she will only be here for two hours while the kids are awake the rest of the time the kids will be asleep and then she’s gone again . Being a bus monitor will take her away till 10 in the morning and she leaves at 2:30 in the afternoon to do the afternoon run . She says that she’s doing it because she needs the money for her daughter‘s upcoming wedding next April.

 

Realistically speaking this won’t make her more money. It is complicated trust me but because of taxes she will lose money over two years. I don’t think she gets that. I mean I could tell her factually how she’s going to get screwed for the next two years at tax time .

 

It puts me in a massive lurch. She decided on a whim in one hour basically.

 

I am pretty irritated right now. Should I just hire someone who can be here?

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Tell her what you want to do and she'll either stay with you and save on taxes or leave and you'll find someone else to replace her. I'd give her a chance to make a decision so you can make a decision, however, let her know she needs to make a decision quickly out of respect for your lurch.

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She wants to work both jobs so she has “ extra” however she is leaving in the day at drop off and pick up. And when I have to get a kid on a school bus and don’t want to haul all my babies out in the winter to put one kid on a bus for five minutes . It will take me 20 minutes to dress everybody just put a kid on a bus for five minutes .

 

Basically she is telling me to have my son work her hours like it is a solution, but that is not what the parents signed up for.

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She was hired to do specific hours on specific days. I cant believe she would turn around & tell you what hours she can work, and expect your Son to pick up her slack. That isnt how employment works.

I think she is taking advantage of your friendship.

I would tell her that the position is x hours on x days, and that if she cant do those hours then you will have to find someone who can.

You cant run a successful business with flakey staff.

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It will really mess you up, big time, if you haven't got staff to cover when you need them. She'll find out in her own time that the arrangement won't benefit her, and it's just a guess - but I suspect that she won't take kindly to having this pointed out. At best she'll feel stupid (and resent you for it) and at worst she'll think you're trying to manipulate her into staying.

 

Your business needs to come first, just as her working life does for her. If it was my business, I'd explain to her gently that I'd need someone to cover these particular hours or the whole process becomes unmanageable; if she can find someone to fill in (and effectively job share) that would be great, otherwise you'll have no choice but to let her go and find someone who's available at the hours you need them to be.

 

Good luck! This sort of thing always leaves a nasty taste in the mouth, and I hope you get it all sorted satisfactorily.

 

xxx

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I would be honest with her and tell her that this new bus monitor job puts you in a lurch for the reasons you wrote her, so that you respect her desire to take that gig but since she is going to, you will need to find someone since she won't be available for those hours and as a result, she will not be able to put in the hours with you.

 

Tell her this and see what she does. She may very well back pedal on the bus monitor gig and immediately say "no, forget it, I'm sticking here only". Or not. Either way, you will have solved this problem (she back pedals) or you will know if you need to hire someone else.

 

The business comes first, not employees.

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Yes, I think that she is taking advantage of our friendship. She has always said though her family comes before anybody. Which it should but .......

 

My husband said I need to talk to her about this and say how I feel and how this injures the business and our friendship. She always wants to have input on operations but if I am the one sloughing it out pretty much alone then mine is the only input. Because basically she will only be here for lunch and putting them to bed . She said I can be here at the Christmas break and I felt like saying well the day you end for the Christmas break is the day I close for Christmas break so really that’s of no consequence .

 

She also said well I can go back to working full-time in the summer next summer and I felt like saying also if my son has been working the hours all year I’m not taking them away from him next summer so you can just stay at the same hours

10 to 2 .

 

She’s doing what’s good for her family I’m not going to screw my own son over .

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Today I have a “ rent study”( euphemism for let’s see how much more we can charge you for your drafty 1960s dump with one bathroom and no central AC.) today by my landlord. So the Forces Housing Agency and the company doing the study is coming and I needed her to occupy the kids while I deal with these people but nope she has run off to a meeting for the bus monitors. 😡

 

This is my livelihood and she needs to take that more seriously. And if she can’t then she can work two hours a day for the bus company that doesn’t need you every year.

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See if you can find something in daycare laws about personnel coverage, then you can point to that as your reason for letting her go unless she decides to skip the bus job. Show her the tax benefit on paper if she'll reconsider that.

 

I'd leave irritation out of the conversation, it won't work in your favor.

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Even on my own I am within limit. It is 5 kids to one adult. I had her to do it with me because it is exhausting and she needed the income because she is extremely low income. I eat the taxes for her income. I declare it all even what she makes and pay taxes on it so she isn’t dinged. She also qualifies for old age subsidy. What she doesn’t realize is if she takes this bus monitor job it will ding her subsidy for next year and the year after for the tax season. And she told me if she has to pay tax on what she earns from me she might as well not work because she will lose her whole subsidy so I ate the tax.

 

You just can’t find loyalty anymore not even in friends.

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You're eating the tax for her and she's pulling this crap?? She has a lot of gall, IMO. I think she's taking advantage.

 

Can you start looking for someone else? Someone that you wouldn't have to eat tax for?

Thank God I have a good accountant. That’s all I can say. I got a return last for last year but I was only business for three months of the year . This year who knows.

 

I also give her a free ride home every day.

 

Maybe I just need not to be so good a friend. More boundaries. I was treating her like family but obviously that’s not the way I’m thought of.

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See if you can find something in daycare laws about personnel coverage, then you can point to that as your reason for letting her go unless she decides to skip the bus job. Show her the tax benefit on paper if she'll reconsider that.

 

I'd leave irritation out of the conversation, it won't work in your favor.

 

This! I'd also leave the friendship out of it. Whilst she is working for you, she is your employee. She needs to respect that.

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I feel frustrated on your behalf because of course this type of job is not an "all hours are created equal" kind of job (and she knows that!) . So I would let her go with that reminder about the nature of the work at your center. Just like she can't choose her hours as bus monitor either (not the best analogy but another one of those time sensitive jobs). Obviously there's some room for flexibility and in my opinion she is asking for far too much.

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For sure. She needs to remember I am her employer not just a friend. She is risking her job because she wants to get a DJ for her daughter’s wedding when the daughter and fiancé can well afford their own wedding .

 

My husband is non too charmed either. When he is not charmed that is not impressive.

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And then she says I don’t want you to get stressed . Wth. How my not supposed to get stressed when I have to be at a bus stop and accepting kids in at my house at the same time ???? Twice a day drop off and pick up. And then basically you play with the kids while I make lunch and then sit on my sofa while they go to sleep and I pay you for that what ???

 

What happens if I need a doctor’s appointment? What happens if my son needs a doctor’s appointment?? What happens if I have to take my cats to the vet?? I just close my daycare ???

 

No, that won’t work.

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... she is extremely low income. ... And she told me if she has to pay tax on what she earns from me she might as well not work because she will lose her whole subsidy so I ate the tax.

 

You just can’t find loyalty anymore not even in friends.

 

Low income people are naturally frightened. Skip the indignation to help yourself approach this from a more effective angle--compassion and logic.

 

Let her know that you've been eating her taxes to help her, but the new job will not do that. Show her on paper how the taxes will harm her, and ask her if she's willing to take the night to reconsider. Let her know that if she opts to continue the bus thing, that will be her only income, because you'll need to hire someone who can work the whole shift.

 

It's not good for your own head to view her through a lens of ingratitude or disloyalty. The woman is poor and not-so-bright. Let that be your compassion platform, and see if you don't get better results for your own stomach lining.

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Low income people are naturally frightened. Skip the indignation to help yourself approach this from a more effective angle--compassion and logic.

 

Let her know that you've been eating her taxes to help her, but the new job will not do that. Show her on paper how the taxes will harm her, and ask her if she's willing to take the night to reconsider. Let her know that if she opts to continue the bus thing, that will be her only income, because you'll need to hire someone who can work the whole shift.

 

It's not good for your own head to view her through a lens of ingratitude or disloyalty. The woman is poor and not-so-bright. Let that be your compassion platform, and see if you don't get better results for your own stomach lining.

Yup, this is what my mom says. Lay it out on paper. If it doesn’t make sense to her nothing you can do.

 

I haven’t said a thing yet because I am thinking carefully first.

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She already has one foot out. Even if you show her the breakdown on taxes, she is your weakness link in the company. Another year, she could drop you altogether. With this stunt, you should finding her replacement asap.

 

Don't keep employed someone who thinks they are doing you favors. It's a job. This is your livelihood. Not a social call.

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