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Thread: Moving in with my boyfriend hasn't turned into what I expected

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by nutbrownhare
    Too sudden? Don't you believe it....
    I dunno, I would think there would be at least some period of happiness and excitement when a couple chooses to move in together, but you may be right.

    It doesn't make sense to me, but that's neither here nor there.

    Originally Posted by rototrack

    I have temporarily moved in with my boyfriend and 4 other roommates for a few weeks as I wait for my new lease to begin. I was so excited for this and thought I was going to love living with my boyfriend (before I moved in we practically lived together, spending the night together every night, having dinner together, sharing groceries etc.) but it seems like the opposite is happening.
    roto, I am curious about something. You said above that you were excited to move in, you thought you were going to love living with him.

    What about him? Was he equally excited? Did he think he was going to love living with you too?

    Or was this sort of forced on him, because you had nowhere else to stay until you moved into your own?

    Again, just curious.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I was dating a guy I really liked, and we had spent quite a lot of time together.
    He went to work early, so I decided to wash up, vacuum, put some shoes & clothes away as a help to him.
    When he got home he was livid. Told me he didnt need a Mother, and I had no right to do it.
    He broke up with me the next day.

    Probably a very extreme example, but some guys just dont see us cleaning for them as a good thing. This could be why he has become so distant, he is seeing you as him Mum, not his GF

    I think I would be finding a new place as well.

  3. #23

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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I dunno, I would think there would be at least some period of happiness and excitement when a couple chooses to move in together, but you may be right.

    It doesn't make sense to me, but that's neither here nor there.



    roto, I am curious about something. You said above that you were excited to move in, you thought you were going to love living with him.

    What about him? Was he equally excited? Did he think he was going to love living with you too?

    Or was this sort of forced on him, because you had nowhere else to stay until you moved into your own?

    Again, just curious.
    He was so excited about it, like I mentioned, we basically lived together beforehand so neither of us thought it was going to be a huge change, we just thought it would be fun and easy like our whole relationship has been up to this point. If he had any hesitation about it he never mentioned it or showed it

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by rototrack
    I can most likely move back in with my parents until then, it is an hour and a half away though and I feel like me moving out and that far away would make him feel like I am trying to get away from him not me trying to give him the space that he wants. I've brought up the changes I've mentioned casually to him and if he is feeling boxed in he either doesn't realize it or isn't telling me, I don't want to accidentally upset him by trying to make things better.
    Well I doubt he would ever admit to you he's feeling boxed in. At least not with words, but he's certainly telling you with his actions, don't you think?

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  6. #25

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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Well I doubt he would ever admit to you he's feeling boxed in. At least not with words, but he's certainly telling you with his actions, don't you think?
    Yes I agree, I'm going to call my parents and see if I can stay there for the next two weeks, hopefully he doesn't take it in the wrong way.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by rototrack
    He was so excited about it, like I mentioned, we basically lived together beforehand so neither of us thought it was going to be a huge change, we just thought it would be fun and easy like our whole relationship has been up to this point. If he had any hesitation about it he never mentioned it or showed it
    Well again that was when you had your own place to return to, and all that time spent together came from a place of choice and desire.

    Anyway, I've said my piece, good luck these next few weeks and I sincerely hope once you move into your own, things will go back to how they were, cause it sounds like you had a great thing going!

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by rototrack
    Yes I agree, I'm going to call my parents and see if I can stay there for the next two weeks, hopefully he doesn't take it in the wrong way.
    What's the wrong way? He's not stupid, he's perfectly aware of this shift in his behavior, so for him to take it the "wrong" way, I say so what, he can't possibly expect you to want to stay under the current circumstances, the way he's treating you. Essentially ignoring you. Ugh.

    And he's obviously not concerned about you taking anything the wrong way, so why worry about him?

    Worry about yourself, and how you're feeling, let him worry about himself.

  9. #28
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    Just tell him you feel it's a bit crowded, plus you don't want to feel like you're interfering in the things he wants to do at home.

    No need to make a big deal out of it. Just state the facts.

  10. #29
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    I dunno, why not state the truth? You're not comfortable living there, period.

    Again, he's not stupid, he'll know why.

    I agree with bolt, do not make a big deal about it, you're uncomfortable living there and that's it.

    If he wants to discuss it, then tell him the truth, exactly what you've told us here, calmly and respectfully.

    I mean, what's the point of holding back, and telling him some bs about you not wanting to interfere in what he wants to do?

    To me that's walking on eggshells, fear of rocking the boat, which I would never recommend. And it's not the truth.

    Be honest! That's how you resolve issues and increase intimacy, not hiding behind false scenarios.

    If he does not want to discuss it, then leave it.

    JMO and what I would do.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you are not "living together", you're a guest and you are getting on his and his roommates nerves. Stay out of the house more and stop suffocating him and resenting them. They live there, you don't. Better yet stay with friends or family, you are crowding them and intruding. They do not have to do what you want.
    Originally Posted by rototrack
    I tried calling him today but he said he was watching TV with his roommates and didn't want to. I know that most of these changes are probably due to me living with him now but I can't help but get in my head about it and think that he's bored of me or that I'm just not exciting because I live there now.

    I feel so uncomfortable and unwanted when I'm in his house now, and he hasn't done anything to make it better, when I'm there all we do is sit in his living room with his roommates either watching a tv show that I do not like (and my boyfriend is aware I don't like it), playing a game on their xbox that I don't like (also aware I don't like this game) or listening to rap music which I also don't like.

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