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Thread: first big fight after 5 months

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by 1Love1
    Did he drive drunk? If so, you are BOTH very irresponsible!!
    Second, lesson learned for you. Never ever try to "resolve" any issues while you are intoxicated. It will never end well.
    Third, never make someone feel guilty for wanting to leave a situation that they feel uncomfortable in. It's emotional abuse.
    youre right. it was emotional abuse. i feel awful.

  2. #12
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    yes i was jealous for no reason! i do feel awful that i put him into a corner. it was a bad bad fight and i feel so guilty and am having so much trouble forgiving myself.

    i dont expect him to tell me the minute he saw her. im just saying i asked if she was going to be there prior. we have no issues with each other! shes a sweet girl and we've met and hung out before. we are very friendly with each other. i wasnt interrogating him on whether she was going to be there or not, just simply curious.

    the part that bothered me was that he told his friend it would be weird if we were all at an after hours party together. i felt bad as if i was the reason we couldnt go, because he didnt want to mix his new girlfriend with his old. i guess from my point of view i wouldnt care if an ex and my current boyfriend were there. so i expected him to think the same, which is wrong. i know this. i just dont see the issue with us all together at this party as we all had been together dancing and hanging out all night anyway.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BCC123
    i feel so sad and guilty. i shouldnt have said anything about it at all. im hoping i didnt ruin the dynamic of the relationship. im having a really hard time forgiving myself. a part of me is still upset he left.

    i guess im looking for words of encouragement, advice, even tell me how i should handled this better. anything helps.
    Well, you did the wrong thing, but at least you're aware of it.

    Most likely, it will just blow over.

    Don't dwell on it. You got drunk and acted like an ass. These things happen.

    Learn from your mistake. Don't get into big discussions when one or both of you is drunk.

    I also thing you ought to lighten up a bit about his ex. You're jumping at shadows with her.

    Listen, if decides to cheat, nothing you do will stop him from doing so. It has nothing to do with you, so free yourself of that burden. Worrying about that sort of stuff just makes life miserable.

    I don't know why he held that other girl's hand. I don't think it means anything. People do all sorts of meaningless things when they are drinking.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by BCC123
    yes i was jealous for no reason! i do feel awful that i put him into a corner. it was a bad bad fight and i feel so guilty and am having so much trouble forgiving myself.

    i dont expect him to tell me the minute he saw her. im just saying i asked if she was going to be there prior. we have no issues with each other! shes a sweet girl and we've met and hung out before. we are very friendly with each other. i wasnt interrogating him on whether she was going to be there or not, just simply curious.

    the part that bothered me was that he told his friend it would be weird if we were all at an after hours party together. i felt bad as if i was the reason we couldnt go, because he didnt want to mix his new girlfriend with his old. i guess from my point of view i wouldnt care if an ex and my current boyfriend were there. so i expected him to think the same, which is wrong. i know this. i just dont see the issue with us all together at this party as we all had been together dancing and hanging out all night anyway.
    You seriously can't think of any other reason he wouldn't want to be at the after party where his ex would be, after you 1) asked about her before going to the wedding 2) went off on him about another girl touching his hand and 3) were irritated he didn't tell you when he noticed his ex was at the wedding?

    He was trying to be CONSIDERATE of your feelings! You WERE the reason you couldn't go. Because you were extra jealous that night and he thought going to a more intimate setting would probably make things worse for you.

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  6. #15
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    I think Jibralta’s advice is spot on. And you now know that you cannot drink if you want to keep your relationship. If you so drink it has to be less than half what you believe you can handle. If at all. Your choice your priority.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't drink, don't create drama and you know he would NEVER cheat.

    You can't undo the past.

    Just sincerely apologize and put the wedding fiasco behind you. Start fresh. Make amends with a good heart.

  8. #17
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    What the hell is he doing driving drunk! Unbelievable!

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Good grief. How does he put up with you? Why don't you just put a webcam around his neck so that you can keep track of everyone he talks to?

    You say he wouldn't cheat on you, and yet you treat him like a criminal. You hold him accountable for what his friend says. You need to get over this insane jealousy or it will be the end of your relationship, if it isn't already over.
    Lol! Agree!

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by BCC123
    yes i was jealous for no reason! i do feel awful that i put him into a corner. it was a bad bad fight and i feel so guilty and am having so much trouble forgiving myself.

    i dont expect him to tell me the minute he saw her. im just saying i asked if she was going to be there prior. we have no issues with each other! shes a sweet girl and we've met and hung out before. we are very friendly with each other. i wasnt interrogating him on whether she was going to be there or not, just simply curious.

    the part that bothered me was that he told his friend it would be weird if we were all at an after hours party together. i felt bad as if i was the reason we couldnt go, because he didnt want to mix his new girlfriend with his old. i guess from my point of view i wouldnt care if an ex and my current boyfriend were there. so i expected him to think the same, which is wrong. i know this. i just dont see the issue with us all together at this party as we all had been together dancing and hanging out all night anyway.
    If you like her, then why was it such a big deal that she was at the wedding?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean, yeah, you can't change what's done, so no point in wallowing. But I do sincerely hope you learn some lessons here. Just five months in and you essentially turned the wedding of a buddy of his-- pretty much the quintessential cause for celebration-- into a miserable affair. Being honest, I wouldn't bank on a recovery from here. I know my patience would be gone. Eat all the humble pie you can if you want to even pray there's a chance of recovering the situation.

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