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Thread: On the right track?

  1. #11
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    I do really love her, and sex is not my primary focus rather than an indicator of the direction we’re heading.

  2. #12
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Is there a chance you aren't as evolved as you think you are?
    Maybe! 😄 I make no further claims.

  3. #13
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Ok consider this "just talking" for now. However keep in mind if you still care and she's in 'let's be friends' mode you could get hurt again. Pull back, make sure you give her lots of room to breathe.
    Oh I’ve considered that. And giving room to breath has become my specialty.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You may be slipping into unhealthy patterns again seeking validation where it's not (yet) appropriate to do so. If you've had a pattern of seeking validation constantly from a partner it shifts the burden maintaining the security and stability of that relationship predominantly to one person. It could be the reason why she's felt drained in the past and hesitant to commit to the future.

    It may help you to recognize when certain personalities and situations are not healthy for you. If you do seek validation quite a lot, it may be an indicator that your situations are cyclical and unhealthy. Your thought patterns will help shed some light on this and the way you feel.

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  6. #15
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You may be slipping into unhealthy patterns again seeking validation where it's not (yet) appropriate to do so. If you've had a pattern of seeking validation constantly from a partner it shifts the burden maintaining the security and stability of that relationship predominantly to one person. It could be the reason why she's felt drained in the past and hesitant to commit to the future.

    It may help you to recognize when certain personalities and situations are not healthy for you. If you do seek validation quite a lot, it may be an indicator that your situations are cyclical and unhealthy. Your thought patterns will help shed some light on this and the way you feel.
    And this is why I’m seeing a phycologist. Because yes.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Serious permanent change takes a minimum of a year to really take root, not a measly few weeks. So please don't kid anyone about what great strides you've made. You are already off course and diving in too deep, putting the cart well before the horse and over thinking. You are already falling off your "changed man" wagon as anxiety about what this is is taking you over.

    So given all that, she is 1000% correct to be taking this slow and really taking her time to see if you can manage actual change. She didn't came back to friend zone you buddy, she came back to see if the break up was enough of a wake up call for you to take things seriously and get a better grip on yourself. So....what's it going to be? Are you going to get fixated on sex and start pressuring her about it or work on yourself and show her you can have a life outside of the relationship, take the time necessary to show her you can do this consistently and take whatever time is necessary to reset things between you? I think this is your call right now. She is just watching.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    I do really love her, and sex is not my primary focus rather than an indicator of the direction we’re heading.
    deleted. . . . . . .

  9. #18
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    Yes! Actually my thoughts exactly! Thank you! (to DancingFool)
    Last edited by SixOfOne; 08-19-2019 at 04:44 PM. Reason: Mistake

  10. #19
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Serious permanent change takes a minimum of a year to really take root, not a measly few weeks. So please don't kid anyone about what great strides you've made. You are already off course and diving in too deep, putting the cart well before the horse and over thinking. You are already falling off your "changed man" wagon as anxiety about what this is is taking you over.

    So given all that, she is 1000% correct to be taking this slow and really taking her time to see if you can manage actual change. She didn't came back to friend zone you buddy, she came back to see if the break up was enough of a wake up call for you to take things seriously and get a better grip on yourself. So....what's it going to be? Are you going to get fixated on sex and start pressuring her about it or work on yourself and show her you can have a life outside of the relationship, take the time necessary to show her you can do this consistently and take whatever time is necessary to reset things between you? I think this is your call right now. She is just watching.
    You’re right on target, but I have to say there’s been no pressure for sex. And if there has, it’s been completely mutual. Her one time, me the next… etc.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    You’re right on target, but I have to say there’s been no pressure for sex. And if there has, it’s been completely mutual. Her one time, me the next… etc.
    I realize that for now there hasn't been.....but it's on your mind and eating at you, so you are posting here.....so it's only a matter of time before it eats at you enough that it starts to come out to her as well. So that's where I'm saying get a serious grip on that and focus on the more important things. She is actually right to step back and see how things go with you and to take it slowly. You need to develop a healthier relationship before you can introduce intimacy into the mix. I don't meant that she is withholding intentionally, just to be clear. I think she is literally taking it very slowly, seeing IF a healthy friendship, a healthy connection, a healthy relationship is even possible or if you are just going to fall right into same old patterns of neediness. Three weeks of some few dates is a very short time....yet you are already revving for more......soooo......not good.

    It's a marathon, not a sprint. If you are working with a psychiatrist, then address your anxiety and instability. It's coming across in your posts....I guarantee you it's coming across loud and clear in real life even more so. Breathe, slow down, breathe. Change your focus.

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