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Thread: On the right track?

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    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    On the right track?

    My ex and I are dating again after 5-6 weeks of no contact, and we’re both enjoying it and it feels good. But there’s been no physical contact happening, no touching no kissing no nothing. Though we both admit to feeling the attraction, she says she thinks sex would be a bad idea, that it would complicate things, that she’s not ready for a more intimate relationship right now. ‘Right now’? What… just be patient? I can do that. She’s consigned me to the friend zone? Hmmm… I don’t think I can go there. Gentlemen, how would you interpret that? Ladies, what does it mean when you say that? (There’s a very strong possibility that I’m over-thinking this.😄)

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    My ex and I are dating again after 5-6 weeks of no contact, and we’re both enjoying it and it feels good. But there’s been no physical contact happening, no touching no kissing no nothing. Though we both admit to feeling the attraction, she says she thinks sex would be a bad idea, that it would complicate things, that she’s not ready for a more intimate relationship right now. ‘Right now’? What… just be patient? I can do that. She’s consigned me to the friend zone? Hmmm… I don’t think I can go there. Gentlemen, how would you interpret that? Ladies, what does it mean when you say that? (There’s a very strong possibility that I’m over-thinking this.😄)
    How long have you been back together and what did you break up over in the first place?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. What were the reasons for the breakup? Has any of that been addressed or resolved? Unfortunately it does sound like the friendzone. How did it come about that you're in contact again? Did she contact you? Is she seeing someone?
    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    My ex and I are dating again after 5-6 weeks of no contact. she says she thinks sex would be a bad idea, that it would complicate things, that she’s not ready for a more intimate relationship right now. ‘Right now’?

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Why did you break up in the first place?

    Getting back together means you have some work to do to reset the relationship so to speak. Sort out whatever went wrong the first go around. This means that you can't just jump back into things like nothing ever happened.

    Sounds like you are focusing on sex when you really need to be focusing on the relationship part of it, on the connection and fixing what was broken, what were the issues that lead to the break up.

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    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    We’ve ‘been back together’ for only three weeks. She broke up with me because I made our relationship the focus of my being, her life became my life, I lost my identity and disappeared. I became needy and clingy and fearful, and there was nothing left of the man she fell in love with. I get it. So I’ve used this time to work on myself. I’ve come a long way and still have far to go, and there’s no turning back regardless of how things go with us.
    We’re just getting to the point of talking openly in hopes of resolving these issues. She contacted me first after no contact, and no she’s not seeing anyone else. (Yes I’m sure.)

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    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    My focus is on sex only as it pertains to the long-term prospects for this relationship. I really don’t think I can be just a friend. I’m still very much in love with her.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    We’ve ‘been back together’ for only three weeks. She broke up with me because I made our relationship the focus of my being, her life became my life, I lost my identity and disappeared. I became needy and clingy and fearful, and there was nothing left of the man she fell in love with. I get it. So I’ve used this time to work on myself. I’ve come a long way and still have far to go, and there’s no turning back regardless of how things go with us.
    We’re just getting to the point of talking openly in hopes of resolving these issues. She contacted me first after no contact, and no she’s not seeing anyone else. (Yes I’m sure.)
    So you are technically not back together.
    Then it makes sense she doesn't want sex with you while you two are still negotiating the terms of the reconciliation.
    If your selfless intensity is the cause of break up then it would be in your best interest to chill out with wondering how long until you have sex with her again.
    . . that is of course if you really do love her and want to get back together.

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    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    I agree on both points. These are the first baby steps on a long road.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok consider this "just talking" for now. However keep in mind if you still care and she's in 'let's be friends' mode you could get hurt again. Pull back, make sure you give her lots of room to breathe.
    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    I agree on both points. These are the first baby steps on a long road.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    (There’s a very strong possibility that I’m over-thinking this.😄)
    Is there a chance you aren't as evolved as you think you are?

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