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Does anyone else feel like their sexuality comes up a lot in conversation?


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I’m a very open person and even living in the Midwest, I have no problem talking about being gay like it’s part of my normal life because it is. However, with some friends with whom I feel really comfortable, I find that it tends to work its way into the conversation without any intention on my part to do so. It just seems that there is always a funny anecdote or something that I want to share and then I leave the conversation feeling like I hope they don’t think I ALWAYS have to talk about being gay. I’m not asking because anyone has said anything about it.

 

This probably comes back to me caring too much what people think of me.

 

On the positive side, it has brought a level of normalcy to it for friends of mine that are either questioning their sexuality or haven’t been exposed to a lot of gay people and so that has been good. I’m not really sure what my question is but I guess I don’t want people to think I’m always talking about being gay. I’m not sure why.

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There’s no reason your sexuality should be a large talking point. If you’re talking about a partner or something, that’s fine. But if you’re constantly discussing how you identify, it will get old very quickly.

 

Can you explain what you mean more?

 

You’re more than someone who’s gay. You have hobbies. Passions. Work.

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What do you say? Can you give some examples?

 

I too, do not understand why it comes into the convo. I have always had gay friends and they have not felt the need to always include something something about being gay into the convo. I don't feel the need to do it being straight.

 

I think that when we feel the need to to do this, it makes us appear different. I hope that we have come further.

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Well, of course I talk about all of that too. Work and the rest of my life. First of all, if you are straight, the world revolves around your sexuality and so that point makes no sense to me. An example would be, aside from all of the other parts of the conversation that I either make a reference to someone I know (like another friend). For example, today, I made a reference to another gay friend of mine and her girlfriend and how her girlfriend knew that I was gay right away before I even said. That kind of thing. As you can seem from my photo, I don’t “look” gay according to what society thinks and so most people don’t know and that always surprises some friends of mine. They wonder, how do people know just from looking at you?

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No. My world also does not revolve around my sexuality but it is part of who I am in a mostly straight world.

 

You are right. I don't know how it is for you in Nebraska? I live in NYC, and so things may be different. But, I do not see any reason for folks to be bringing up their sexuality on a regular basis, unless there is talk about dating and trying to meet people.

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I think you just tell anecdotes that unavoidably include your sexuality but somehow and because of society stigma,you feel like you are always bringing up your sexuality to any conversation but it is not like you are saying "hello I am gay and I want you to know I am gay". For example,straight people would never question themselves if they are all the time talking about their sexuality,and indeed they do. Girls or boys or the world in general always talk about love or romantic relationships,which most of them are straight relationships,but they don't feel like you do and as I said I think you feel like that because of the 'social stigma'. I have friends (female friends) who often talk about boys and who they like or their past relationships and of course they don't feel like they are pointing out their sexuality. I hope I had made myself clear

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I think you just tell anecdotes that unavoidably include your sexuality but somehow and because of society stigma,you feel like you are always bringing up your sexuality to any conversation but it is not like you are saying "hello I am gay and I want you to know I am gay". For example,straight people would never question themselves if they are all the time talking about their sexuality,and indeed they do. Girls or boys or the world in general always talk about love or romantic relationships,which most of them are straight relationships,but they don't feel like you do and as I said I think you feel like that because of the 'social stigma'. I have friends (female friends) who often talk about boys and who they like or their past relationships and of course they don't feel like they are pointing out their sexuality. I hope I had made myself clear

 

Ahhh, yes, Butterfly, thank you so much for that. Hollyj, I agree on how it flows. It usually will go along with a story I’m telling and one of my good friends also will ask questions about it. Yes, my straight friends/family will often talk about their relationships or guys they are dating and even sex, etc. There are only a few people in my life where this makes me think and they are just really important friendships and I overanalyze the crap out of our every interaction.

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Well, of course I talk about all of that too. Work and the rest of my life. First of all, if you are straight, the world revolves around your sexuality and so that point makes no sense to me. An example would be, aside from all of the other parts of the conversation that I either make a reference to someone I know (like another friend). For example, today, I made a reference to another gay friend of mine and her girlfriend and how her girlfriend knew that I was gay right away before I even said. That kind of thing. As you can seem from my photo, I don’t “look” gay according to what society thinks and so most people don’t know and that always surprises some friends of mine. They wonder, how do people know just from looking at you?

 

No, the world does not revolve around my sexuality. i talk about topics that interest me with friends and strangers - pets, causes, things that are happening in time.

 

I made a reference to another gay friend of mine and her girlfriend and how her girlfriend knew that I was gay right away before I even said.

 

Why would you even talk about people knowing you are gay before you even said it?

 

I can see someone says "i know this guy i would like to set you up with" and you say 'oh, thanks, but i am not interested. he's not my type" and it could come up then, but in general conversation, most people i meet don't talk about being gay or straight except for referencing if they have a spouse.

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No, the world does not revolve around my sexuality. i talk about topics that interest me with friends and strangers - pets, causes, things that are happening in time.

 

I made a reference to another gay friend of mine and her girlfriend and how her girlfriend knew that I was gay right away before I even said.

 

Why would you even talk about people knowing you are gay before you even said it?

 

I can see someone says "i know this guy i would like to set you up with" and you say 'oh, thanks, but i am not interested. he's not my type" and it could come up then, but in general conversation, most people i meet don't talk about being gay or straight except for referencing if they have a spouse.

 

Because these are people that my other friend knows from stories and my friend has always been amazed that people know I’m gay? Why is that weird?

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See, you’re bringing it up here to be argumentative.

 

My world does not revolve around my sexuality. I don’t talk about my straightness ever. I’ll mention if I’m attracted to someone, or about a relationship, or whatever - and I think that’s fine for anyone. But you are more than a gay person. So talk about more, ya know?

 

My sibling is LGBTQ. They completely identify as it. It’s their only identity. Frankly it’s a shame. There’s so much more to them than who’s bits they want in their mouth - and in the end, sexuality is who you want to have sex with, right? You’re more than that. It’s a part of you, not all of you.

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And let me clarify. Talking about being gay is different than talking about who you’re interested in.

 

You seem proud of the fact that people are surprised you’re gay. Why is that?

 

Wow, mustlovedogs. Proud? Based on your comments, you clearly have NO clue what it is to be gay (clearly because you are trying to give me advice from your straight perspective) and clearly you have no compassion for your sibling. And THAT is too bad.

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I have gay friends, and their gayness NEVER comes up in conversation. Ever. But then again, we don't talk about our sex lives, either straight or otherwise.

 

Are your friends talking about their sex lives? If so, it might be more natural for yours to be brought up.

 

Yes, it’s either 1) because it involves some kind of story, 2) because it’s a social topic about society and how society accepts or doesn’t certain folks or 3) because they talk about their relationships too.

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I agree with those who say you are making it an issue with your references and anecdotes and your wrong assumption that straight people regularly discuss their sexuality. Here's my analogy. I'm a married mom of a 10 year old. When I had my child I knew I wanted to talk about him 24/7. I was over the moon in love. And I knew equally as strongly that referring to my child, motherhood, newborns, babies whatever would get really boring really fast to most people with rare exception (exceptions: my parents, sister and inlaws -they wanted to hear every little detail, all minutae about all of it). So I was very aware, very conscious -yes, even with other parents - not to make it all about the baby or even mostly. To do this I monitored myself and also made sure to keep up with the world -current events, being well read in general, etc. And being an even better listener so that I was listening more than I was talking. I suggest you do the same- talking about one's sexuality has its place among many many other topics of conversation. Whether gay or straight.

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Wow, mustlovedogs. Proud? Based on your comments, you clearly have NO clue what it is to be gay (clearly because you are trying to give me advice from your straight perspective) and clearly you have no compassion for your sibling. And THAT is too bad.

 

I do have compassion. But they offer so much more to the world than just their sexuality. I’m more than a straight person. You’re more too. Why is that an offensive concept? I’m not being facetious - please explain why, because to me it like a good thing.

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I do have compassion. But they offer so much more to the world than their sexuality. I’m more than a straight person. You’re more too. Why is that an offensive concept?

 

Why is it offensive? Because it was a ty thing to say. I’m asking an honest question and nowhere did I say that I’m ONLY my sexuality and so all of these assumptions are astounding to me. I asked a simple question about how I reference being gay. That was it.

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Why is it offensive? Because it was a ty thing to say. I’m asking an honest question and nowhere did I say that I’m ONLY my sexuality and so all of these assumptions are astounding to me. I asked a simple question about how I reference being gay. That was it.

 

You phrased the question in a way that makes it sound like you talk about it a lot. It’s all my sibling talks about, so I’m extrapolating my experience. Their apartment is decorated with pride flags. It’s the only thing they post on social media. If that’s not true for you, I apologize for misunderstanding.

 

But, you’re doing it here for the record.

 

You’re playing victim here when no one has actually said anything bad, mean, or critical of you or the LGBTQ community.

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You phrased the question in a way that makes it sound like you talk about it a lot. It’s all my sibling talks about, so I’m extrapolating my experience. Their apartment is decorated with pride flags. It’s the only thing they post on social media. If that’s not true for you, I apologize for misunderstanding.

 

But, you’re doing it here for the record.

 

You’re playing victim here when no one has actually said anything bad, mean, or critical of you or the LGBTQ community.

 

I’m not at all a victim but some of the comments were rude and made a lot assumptions. I have no pride anything but am totally fine with people that do. Often times, I speak of it in jest with people. I’m still sorry I posted here. I gained nothing from it except realizing that posting on a forum where no one knows you often times leads people to giving you harsh advice based on their assumptions.

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I’m not at all a victim but some of the comments were rude and made a lot assumptions. I have no pride anything but am totally fine with people that do. Often times, I speak of it in jest with people. I’m still sorry I posted here. I gained nothing from it except realizing that posting on a forum where no one knows you often times leads people to giving you harsh advice based on their assumptions.

 

Many years ago I was dating someone whose friend came out as gay -this was about 25 years ago. We all went out for dinner including two other couples and this guy. Late 20s. All he would do during dinner is joke about being gay, tell us he was checking out men at the restaurant, etc. Kept turning the conversation back to his sexuality. I rolled my eyes I am sure - I was not that good at filtering (I'd do a better job now). I knew and hung out with plenty of people who were gay or bi AND I was really tired of hearing him talk and talk about his sexuality and didn't need to watch him check out other guys. Would have felt the same way if he was straight. None of us was discussing our sexual preferences/orientation. And he was a smart person who had a life outside of being gay. Perhaps an extreme example but yes it made me uncomfortable and also bored.

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