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Thread: Do women approach men first?

  1. #11
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    I still am not sure what do you mean by this. Well, because I am not handsome, have self esteem issues and scared of rejection.. Dont know why should a girl go even out with me

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Equator
    I still am not sure what do you mean by this. Well, because I am not handsome, have self esteem issues and scared of rejection.. Don't know why should a girl go even out with me
    Everyone is scared of rejection.

    You need to work on your self esteem issues or you will not be able to have a relationship, even if a woman approaches you. How is your social life? What about hobbies/interests?

    The majority of the population is not very attractive, but it does not stop people from pursuing others. The most attractive thing about someone is self confidence. My ex was not attractive, but he was fun and confident. Most people are not shallow.

    If you do not understand flourish, then look it up. This is what I tell my students who are learning English.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Equator
    I still am not sure what do you mean by this. Well, because I am not handsome, have self esteem issues and scared of rejection.. Dont know why should a girl go even out with me
    To "bloom" (in this context) = to come into your own, to know who you are as a man and human being and feel comfortable in your own skin, no matter how you look or think you look (on the outside), to yourself or others.

    Seems you still have a ways to go.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    It is important to retain the power to approve of yourself. Do not let anyone else have that power. Resist the urge to let someone else be responsible for telling you that you are lovable. It is our job to tell ourselves that we are lovable. To believe ourselves. To fearlessly act out that truth and prove it to ourselves.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    It never used to be like this. Women used to initiate contact with men first, in a round about way, to get them to chase and then allow men to take it from there. But in the last century or so, things have changed and now women sit back more and wait for then men to come to them, then complain they are only get approached by players and that there aren't any good men out there.

    A classic example is the hankerchief drop. A girl who liked a guy would find a way to drop a hanky near him as she walked past. And in being chivarous by returning said hanky she got him to come to her a conversation started and things went from there. This almost tricked him into thinking he was initiating even though it was her who chose him.

    I was actually watching a clip on this today on youtube which told of how women are strong, empowered, and know what they want with everything else, but for some reason have stopped being when it has come to choosing a partner. An example was given, on shopping for a dress. A women goes into a store, wades through racks to choose a bunch of dresses, settles on a bunch, takes them into the changing room, tries them all on until she finally comes to a decision and then takes that one and buys it. But if a woman shopped like she attracts men, she would walk into a dress store and hope a dress comes up to her.

    When and why did it change? Who knows.

    I am long term single because I desire to be. Sure, one day I might meet someone, but to be honest, I'm too busy to chase every woman that looks half attractive in hopes of getting a date. Dating is supposed to be fun, apparently, but honestly, I don't really find it that amazing that I would do it more regularly. I have a busy like, I'm happy, why focus on doing something that aint that fun.

  7. #16
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    It happens but you could be waiting forever for a woman to approach you. Work on your social skills and self-esteem, you can also google some tips on how to ask women out.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Keyman
    It never used to be like this. Women used to initiate contact with men first, in a round about way, to get them to chase and then allow men to take it from there. But in the last century or so, things have changed and now women sit back more and wait for then men to come to them, then complain they are only get approached by players and that there aren't any good men out there.

    A classic example is the hankerchief drop. A girl who liked a guy would find a way to drop a hanky near him as she walked past. And in being chivarous by returning said hanky she got him to come to her a conversation started and things went from there. This almost tricked him into thinking he was initiating even though it was her who chose him.

    I was actually watching a clip on this today on youtube which told of how women are strong, empowered, and know what they want with everything else, but for some reason have stopped being when it has come to choosing a partner. An example was given, on shopping for a dress. A women goes into a store, wades through racks to choose a bunch of dresses, settles on a bunch, takes them into the changing room, tries them all on until she finally comes to a decision and then takes that one and buys it. But if a woman shopped like she attracts men, she would walk into a dress store and hope a dress comes up to her.

    When and why did it change? Who knows.

    I am long term single because I desire to be. Sure, one day I might meet someone, but to be honest, I'm too busy to chase every woman that looks half attractive in hopes of getting a date. Dating is supposed to be fun, apparently, but honestly, I don't really find it that amazing that I would do it more regularly. I have a busy like, I'm happy, why focus on doing something that aint that fun.
    This is just so not true.

  9. #18
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    One of the many highlights of being male is that we still are given the opportunity to choose whomever we would like to attempt to date. Sure, maybe around 97% will decline a date. So what. Ask another. There are a couple billion of them on the planet. Despite all of the girl power bravado that seems to be big this past decade, not much has changed. Males are still expected to initiate. I couldn't imagine a world of being limited to whomever asks or being dependent on the vague flirting rituals of women, but that seems to be what the majority of women prefer.

    Yes, women have approached me and none of them were remotely ones I would want to date.

    So while you can gather all the you're-okay, be-positive phrases you want to hear, the reality is that you have 2 options. Stay in a limited, secure comfort zone in which you wait forever for a woman to do all of the dating work for you so you don't ever have someone decline a date with you. Or start developing social skills through group activities (meetup), volunteer, whatever to feel more comfortable around women, establish connections, and begin to ask them out.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    So.. at the risk of sounding a bit argumentative, I cannot remember the last time I used a change room. I usually go straight to the areas I like in a brick and mortar, eyeball the item and make a decision. You get to a point where you understand your body intimately and what exactly works and doesn't work. When there are lines or specific designers that work for me, I order again and keep an eye on that line because I know I liked the material the first time, the cut fit my body type and it's relatively failproof. There are other members of my family I shop for and I don't particularly derive enjoyment from shopping as a hobby so the actual enjoyment for me comes from a well-designed and fitted outfit that just feels good. I just care about it feeling good when I wear it.

    In every population (men and women if we are speaking these two genders in particular) there are individuals who experience general confusion. I think that general confusion is not exclusive to shopping for clothing or dates. When dating, it's your job to separate the more confused from the less confused and hedge your bets on those you feel you can trust over a longer period of time.

    It's really as simple as that, in my mind. I think taking initiative also goes both ways even if a lot of it is subtle. A person generally won't approach an angry looking person or someone having a bad day and ask someone out in the same way a less well-put together may not receive many dates or invitations out. It takes two to tango. Those various subtleties and differences should spark a connection in the right people who are open to those connections. Whether or not we are open to that is completely personal. I fully support the decision to remain single. I really loved my time being single and if circumstances changed I suspect I'd shift back without a problem. It would hurt to lose what I have now but there shouldn't be any fear or ostracism/prejudice related to being single.

  11. #20
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    Oops, posted to the wrong thread~
    Last edited by katrina1980; 08-19-2019 at 02:15 PM.

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