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Thread: No longer attracted to him because of his neediness?

  1. #1
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    No longer attracted to him because of his neediness?

    Iím dating a guy who is really needy. I feel like Iím the only source of his happiness and I feel so much responsibility. Donít get me wrong heís lovely and treats me great. However I just donít feel any sort of attraction to him anymore. I had so much attraction to him when we first met and heís definitely my type. However his neediness and lack of confidence has just completely put me off. I donít even want to kiss him. Is it normal to be turned off by someone who is needy?

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    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Yes, it's normal to look upon an insecure, needy, clingy person with disdain. No one wants to be with a leech.

    It's more attractive to be with a person or man in your case who enjoys your company yet is independent at the same time.

    If you're turned off, then don't drag this out.

    Or, have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. Either he'll change his behavior, back off and show some self confidence and high self esteem or break it off with him if you're unhappy having a relationship with him.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Make sure you are following up with your doctors and therapy for the drinking and blackouts. A loss of interest in everything and anyone is often a consequence of the severe problems heavy drinking, suicide attempts and mood disorders can cause. Do him a favor and end it. Focus on your recovery and don't drag anyone into it.
    Originally Posted by Jess5638
    I just donít feel any sort of attraction to him anymore.

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    Originally Posted by Jess5638

    I feel like Iím the only source of his happiness and I feel so much responsibility.
    I understand this and yes it's a huge turn off.

    It places a lot of pressure, unnrcessary pressure, on you at a time when you both should be having fun and getting to know each other, in a relaxed, fun, drama-free way.

    It's suffocating and stifling.

    So don't beat yourself up about losing attraction, I have too when I've encountered men like this.

    When you end it, if he asks why, be honest and tell him what you've told us here, you'd be doing him a huge favor.

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    Big turnoff, and very draining.

    Why do you continue?

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    Originally Posted by Jess5638
    Iím dating a guy who is really needy. I feel like Iím the only source of his happiness and I feel so much responsibility. Donít get me wrong heís lovely and treats me great. However I just donít feel any sort of attraction to him anymore. I had so much attraction to him when we first met and heís definitely my type. However his neediness and lack of confidence has just completely put me off. I donít even want to kiss him. Is it normal to be turned off by someone who is needy?
    It's not treating you great to subject you to his neediness. That's acting in a self absorbed and potentially selfish way -that's not great or lovely. It is normal to be turned off by someone who is needy also because you know he's with you because of his neediness not because he is his own, reasonably confident person who wants you to share in his world. He wants you to be his world, he wants your approval because he's insecure. You're not special to him because he is not special to himself.

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    It's not treating you great to subject you to his neediness. That's acting in a self absorbed and potentially selfish way -that's not great or lovely. It is normal to be turned off by someone who is needy also because you know he's with you because of his neediness not because he is his own, reasonably confident person who wants you to share in his world.

    He wants you to be his world, he wants your approval because he's insecure. You're not special to him because he is not special to himself.
    This is very true -- well said!

    If only everyone could understand this and stay clear of people like this, instead of interpreting it as "nice" and how much he "cares."

    In many cases, it's the exact opposite!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 08-18-2019 at 09:04 PM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    It is normal and it is logical. That sort of behavior leads me to feel used; an object.

    I am reminded now of the words:

    "Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size."
    Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own

    In her book her focus is gender specific. It need not be in the context of this thread. The point remains, why be an object of affirmation, serving to meet a need that will never be satisfied?

    Sorry. Cut him loose.

  10. #9
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    Insecure men will drain you. They have zero self esteem and depend on outside validation from others to feel good about themselves. So when you are not available to fill his needs/voids, he will seek attention and praise elsewhere. Besides, once you leave him alone and meet a man that is confident( not faking it behind a mask) those types of guys wont even appeal to you at all.


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