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Thread: When to break up?

  1. #1
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    When to break up?

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years now. We went to church together when we were younger and I had a crush on him since I was like 9.

    In 2011, I moved into the same complex as his mother. He had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and wasn't looking for a girlfriend. Long story short, I asked him out, he reluctantly said yes... his ex came back and he dumped me to get back with her. He eventually came back but it left a very big scar that never fully healed because of how ended things; came home from getting my kid from her dads and when I got home all of my boyfriends stuff was gone. He came over and I begged him to talk but he had made up his mind. While I was at work, he had met up with her and they worked things out I guess lol.


    There is so much more but cutting through it all... I feel like he doesn't really want to be with me. When we argue, he talks like we are stuck together, like I'm a burden he has to deal with for the rest of his life. We both will have turned 34 by the end of the year, so we are still young enough to start over. However, he has already decided I am his last try at being with someone so perhaps that is why he feels stuck. We are not married or engaged, no children together but I had a child before I got with him.

    We have been through alot the last 8 years. Things have always been hard. He walked into the relationship not wanting to get married or have kids... and since I want both we broke up after 3 years. He came back and said that he could want those things some day so we got back together. Now 5 years later... here I am. Sitting alone in my livingroom, reaching out to strangers for help because talking to my boyfriend only seems to make things worse.

    After 5 years of counseling and a recent book purchase, I've realized that I don't feel like prize or something special to him and I don't know think I ever really did. Are there still men out there that value women as such? If I feel this way, should I try one last time or should I just end things?
    Last edited by Girlface33; 08-17-2019 at 10:24 PM. Reason: Needed to finish the thread.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Has he ever mentioned depression or has he ever been diagnosed or received treatment for depression? You have a child so it might be best to look out for the best interests of your family. This person doesn't seem very stable or motivated. I'm not sure if he has mental health issues as those concerns seem strange for a 33-34 year old (I'm referring to him thinking you're his last resort and the back and forth/hot and cold reactions).

    Without answers to those questions yet, I would start with trying to ask yourself whether this is a person you can see yourself building a lifetime and a family with.

  3. #3
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    Up until a couple months ago... I still wanted to marry him, despite everything we had been through but now I just don't think i can marry someone that sees me as the problem; I may have some issues but I am not THE problem. That's why I went to counseling for 5 years and went on meds... to finally work on myself for us. He has yet to do so and I believe that is the problem.

  4. #4
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    This sounds miserable, and you are only together due to dependence and history. Can you honestly imagine a lifetime of this?

    Get out of this. It has never been good and you do not feel good about your self with this guy- this has never been stable and is not a good environment for kids. What happens the next time he bails?

    Time to find someone you trust and that you are passionate about. Don't drag this out any longer. It should have been over years ago.

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  6. #5
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    How can you have a family with some who is an alcoholic, sleeps till 1 PM and does not have a job? How could you possibly consider a family with someone who is so unstable?

    Are you supporting this guy? How does he buy his alcohol ?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're fine. He's a complete jerk. Focus on being the best parent you can be, coparenting with your child's father. Focus on your career, social life, friends and family. Get out more. Join some clubs and groups. Start talking to decent men. When ready, start dating again.Do not rush things or let anyone move in with you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Yes, there are men who will treat you with respect and as if you matter! No, don't try one last time. Yes, end it now. Don't waste your life on a man who doesn't treat you right.

  9. #8
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    Did you break up with him prior to searching for "guy friends" online?


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