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Thread: My boyfriend broke up with me over this?

  1. #11
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    I feared that if I told him I lived with my parents he would quickly pick up on the fact that we don't have a healthy relationship,

    If he picked up on you not having a healthy relationship, then its up to him to decide of you are a sweet, well adjusted person and just have some jerks in the family or he decides he doesn't want that dynamic. Its not where you come from, its what you do with it.

    If you are ashamed that you live with your parents, then move.
    But don't play it both ways -- tell your boyfriend how terrible your parents are and how abusive but then be doing nothing to change your dilemma by moving. He has proven that he doesn't have an unhealthy white knight complex and may have thought that is what you are fishing for. On the other hand, if you make the free choice of living with your folks, then don't share every single negative detail. make the best of it and don't use a boyfriend as a therapist.

  2. #12
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    I dunno, to me breaking up with someone you care about and have a great thing with (assuming that's the case), all because they initially told you they lived with a relative instead of their parents just seems really extreme!

    But I suppose to some people a lie is a lie no matter what, and thus a dealbreaker, no matter how much one cares about the person, or how great the relationship was up to the point of discovering the lie.

    I still think he used your "lie" to end things, again to break up an otherwise good thing because of something so insignificant as to who you lived with just makes no sense to me.

    Unless you were living with your ex bf or something, which would be a deal breaker for most people.

    But your parents? SMH at that one.

    That said, I agree wth what bolt just posted, don't be ashamed of where you live or anything else.

    If someone dumps you because if it, then there was never anything of value there to begin with.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I dunno, to me breaking up with someone you care about and have a great thing with (assuming that's the case), all because they initially told you they lived with a relative instead of their parents just seems really extreme!
    My guess is that she poured her heart about all her abuse to him while he assumed she lived with an aunt and speaking about the parents as if they lived states away, only to find out she was choosing to live with the abusers and she had been trying to hide that fact.

  4. #14
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    i think someone who truly loves you would try to understand where you were coming from at least a little bit. maybe give you time to build some trust back if the trust was so badly broken. the fact that he gave up just like that speaks a lot to me.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    deleted . . . . . .

  7. #16
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    Let this be a wake up call to you. This situation with your parents was bad enough that it prevented you from forming a healthy connection with your boyfriend. Whether he was right to break up for this reason (or if this is even the real reason he broke up), the situation has affected your life in a negative way. Outside of fixing the people who abuse you, what can you do to improve that situation? Why do you still live with them? They are clearly having a negative impact on your life. Do you want to hurt your future relationships too? Find help!

    I'm sorry for what you have been through, both before and now.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I feared that if I told him I lived with my parents he would quickly pick up on the fact that we don't have a healthy relationship, pressuring me to into telling him about the abuse
    Sorry, but this is a real stretch. I think it's unfortunate but reasonable that a guy would view such a deception--about something as foundational as where you live--and right from the gate--as a real flakey and manipulative thing to pull on him, and a huge red flag.

    If you want an honestly good relationship, be honest. That doesn't mean dumping high octane stuff on a guy. Work through that with a therapist and work out your living arrangements to get yourself to a healthy situation and a healthy state of mind. That's important before pursuing a relationship, because a healthy guy won't reject your for your past, but he's not likely to respond well to a rescue mission--especially if it includes deception.

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