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Thread: Is it ok to ghost someone you've never met?

  1. #1
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    Is it ok to ghost someone you've never met?

    I matched with this guy on Bumble and we agreed to meet up on the weekend. I wasn't sure about him at all, but was willing to give it a shot by going out at least once.
    I got sick, however, and when he messaged me a couple days ago, I let him know. He kept texting (he has my number now) and wouldn't even wait for my responses. He lets me know where he is, what he's doing, sent me a video of his surroundings once. Invited me to join. I didn't reply, he messaged me again to invite me somewhere else. Then again, after I didn't respond, he asked me out again.
    He invited me somewhere last night, I was with a friend and didn't reply, woke up to him messaging me again today with yet another invitation. I took a nap, woke up to his msg suggesting we do a phone call. After no response from me, he offered to meet up instead (of a call).

    I know that we all like to get answers and no one likes being ignored, but it's starting to seem like he is enjoying his one-man dance and doesn't truly care how I feel about the whole interaction. Should I message him and let him know that I would rather him not contact me again, or just keep not replying, potentially blocking him?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    And just like he seems to enjoy the one man dance you seem to enjoy his constant poking.

    You could EASILY tell him to stop messaging you, instead youíre posting here.

    ETA : yep had a feeling...

    Originally Posted by lolap

    So now, my question is.. Is it possible that he is truly too busy to have a more two-sided conversation with me? Or that he might be not into texting with people who he only met once? The reason why I ask this is because there is another guy from the app that's been texting me a lot. I keep cancelling our dates, so we haven't met yet, and I think that part of the reason is all the texting. I think I might prefer the minimum communication over texts, mostly using it to arrange for dates at this stage. However, I doubt that the first guy could still be interested in me and letting me forget about him for such a long time. If he's not sure yet, that's fine. But does his behaviour clearly indicates disinterest?
    You like the hard to get dudes, nothing wrong with that, well it could potentially be but you arenít asking to explore that so Iíll leave it alone.

    Tell the guy you arenít interested. Then block him. Stop playing games with him, heís apparently been doing this since May.

  3. #3
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    Thanks for your response. I agree with you that it's in my power to stop it, but I honestly didn't expect him to send me so many messages when I don't respond. He didn't even give me a chance to respond, and at this point I thought it might be better to not engage.

    Regarding the hard to get guys, yes, I definitely prefer guys that intrigue me, but I also post about them here to see if I take it too far and fall for someone, who is just not interested. I think there is a fine line between being considerate and not overbearing and truly having zero interest.

    That's why I post here to get help from people like you that see tons of similar situations.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by lolap
    I matched with this guy on Bumble and we agreed to meet up on the weekend. I wasn't sure about him at all, but was willing to give it a shot by going out at least once.
    I got sick, however, and when he messaged me a couple days ago, I let him know. He kept texting (he has my number now) and wouldn't even wait for my responses. He lets me know where he is, what he's doing, sent me a video of his surroundings once. Invited me to join. I didn't reply, he messaged me again to invite me somewhere else. Then again, after I didn't respond, he asked me out again.
    He invited me somewhere last night, I was with a friend and didn't reply, woke up to him messaging me again today with yet another invitation. I took a nap, woke up to his msg suggesting we do a phone call. After no response from me, he offered to meet up instead (of a call).

    I know that we all like to get answers and no one likes being ignored, but it's starting to seem like he is enjoying his one-man dance and doesn't truly care how I feel about the whole interaction. Should I message him and let him know that I would rather him not contact me again, or just keep not replying, potentially blocking him?
    It's not ghosting even if you had met him. You already told him you weren't available. No need to respond to other invitations. Also he seems unstable and I think it's fine not to respond. To me ghosting is ignoring a friend or romantic partner where there is an established relationship and instead of telling the other person you've been seeing or friendly with for quite awhile that you are moving on, you ignore the person. That's ghosting and that's not nice. This guy seems off. I'd block him.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lolap
    Thanks for your response. I agree with you that it's in my power to stop it, but I honestly didn't expect him to send me so many messages when I don't respond. He didn't even give me a chance to respond, and at this point I thought it might be better to not engage.

    Regarding the hard to get guys, yes, I definitely prefer guys that intrigue me, but I also post about them here to see if I take it too far and fall for someone, who is just not interested. I think there is a fine line between being considerate and not overbearing and truly having zero interest.

    That's why I post here to get help from people like you that see tons of similar situations.
    Understood

    But itís been 3 months at least, you first brought this guy up, a guy youíve never met months ago and youíve brought him up after on other peopleís posts.

    Somethings keeping you stuck to him.

    I agree with bat, just block him. Why havenít you months ago, I mean you clearly made the decision not to engage with him months ago, so youíve been ignoring him for a while now, while he apparently keeps trying, bless his heart most would have given up long ago but also a huge point youíre avoiding... most would have blocked or told him to buzz off months ago...

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This is so easy to fix. Block and delete him from your phone, it really is that simple. Another option is get a new phone number.

  8. #7
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    But itís been 3 months at least, you first brought this guy up, a guy youíve never met months ago and youíve brought him up after on other peopleís posts.
    I think you confused my posts from the past with this new one. Those are two different guys. The one from a few months back did message me again, but he is very understanding and non-intrusive.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Yes, his behaviour is strange. I would red flag it. If it amuses you, you can mute the conversation (continue to receive messages but it's at the bottom of your messages list/no notifications) and check on his episodes once a day or every other day to see how he's doing speaking to himself.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Yes, his behaviour is strange. I would red flag it. If it amuses you, you can mute the conversation (continue to receive messages but it's a the bottom of your messages list/no notifications) and check on his episodes once a day or every other day to see how he's doing speaking to himself.
    Haha! This is indeed another option.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lolap
    I think you confused my posts from the past with this new one. Those are two different guys. The one from a few months back did message me again, but he is very understanding and non-intrusive.
    So then youíve dealt with this issue multiple times both men sounding exactly the same and you still havenít figured out where your boundaries lie?

    I hope Iím not coming off belittling because Iím not trying to, what Iím saying is, this is an easy fix, the fact that youíre Ďstrugglingí with it is a bigger issue in my eyes.

    Itís not safe to date and not be able to say Ďback offí

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