Is it ok to ghost someone you've never met?

I matched with this guy on Bumble and we agreed to meet up on the weekend. I wasn't sure about him at all, but was willing to give it a shot by going out at least once.

I got sick, however, and when he messaged me a couple days ago, I let him know. He kept texting (he has my number now) and wouldn't even wait for my responses. He lets me know where he is, what he's doing, sent me a video of his surroundings once. Invited me to join. I didn't reply, he messaged me again to invite me somewhere else. Then again, after I didn't respond, he asked me out again.

He invited me somewhere last night, I was with a friend and didn't reply, woke up to him messaging me again today with yet another invitation. I took a nap, woke up to his msg suggesting we do a phone call. After no response from me, he offered to meet up instead (of a call).

I know that we all like to get answers and no one likes being ignored, but it's starting to seem like he is enjoying his one-man dance and doesn't truly care how I feel about the whole interaction. Should I message him and let him know that I would rather him not contact me again, or just keep not replying, potentially blocking him?

And just like he seems to enjoy the one man dance you seem to enjoy his constant poking.

You could EASILY tell him to stop messaging you, instead you’re posting here.

ETA : yep had a feeling...

 

So now, my question is.. Is it possible that he is truly too busy to have a more two-sided conversation with me? Or that he might be not into texting with people who he only met once? The reason why I ask this is because there is another guy from the app that's been texting me a lot. I keep cancelling our dates, so we haven't met yet, and I think that part of the reason is all the texting. I think I might prefer the minimum communication over texts, mostly using it to arrange for dates at this stage. However, I doubt that the first guy could still be interested in me and letting me forget about him for such a long time. If he's not sure yet, that's fine. But does his behaviour clearly indicates disinterest?

You like the hard to get dudes, nothing wrong with that, well it could potentially be but you aren’t asking to explore that so I’ll leave it alone.

Tell the guy you aren’t interested. Then block him. Stop playing games with him, he’s apparently been doing this since May.

Thanks for your response. I agree with you that it's in my power to stop it, but I honestly didn't expect him to send me so many messages when I don't respond. He didn't even give me a chance to respond, and at this point I thought it might be better to not engage.

Regarding the hard to get guys, yes, I definitely prefer guys that intrigue me, but I also post about them here to see if I take it too far and fall for someone, who is just not interested. I think there is a fine line between being considerate and not overbearing and truly having zero interest.

That's why I post here to get help from people like you that see tons of similar situations.

I matched with this guy on Bumble and we agreed to meet up on the weekend. I wasn't sure about him at all, but was willing to give it a shot by going out at least once.

I got sick, however, and when he messaged me a couple days ago, I let him know. He kept texting (he has my number now) and wouldn't even wait for my responses. He lets me know where he is, what he's doing, sent me a video of his surroundings once. Invited me to join. I didn't reply, he messaged me again to invite me somewhere else. Then again, after I didn't respond, he asked me out again.

He invited me somewhere last night, I was with a friend and didn't reply, woke up to him messaging me again today with yet another invitation. I took a nap, woke up to his msg suggesting we do a phone call. After no response from me, he offered to meet up instead (of a call).

 

I know that we all like to get answers and no one likes being ignored, but it's starting to seem like he is enjoying his one-man dance and doesn't truly care how I feel about the whole interaction. Should I message him and let him know that I would rather him not contact me again, or just keep not replying, potentially blocking him?

It's not ghosting even if you had met him. You already told him you weren't available. No need to respond to other invitations. Also he seems unstable and I think it's fine not to respond. To me ghosting is ignoring a friend or romantic partner where there is an established relationship and instead of telling the other person you've been seeing or friendly with for quite awhile that you are moving on, you ignore the person. That's ghosting and that's not nice. This guy seems off. I'd block him.

Thanks for your response. I agree with you that it's in my power to stop it, but I honestly didn't expect him to send me so many messages when I don't respond. He didn't even give me a chance to respond, and at this point I thought it might be better to not engage.

 

Regarding the hard to get guys, yes, I definitely prefer guys that intrigue me, but I also post about them here to see if I take it too far and fall for someone, who is just not interested. I think there is a fine line between being considerate and not overbearing and truly having zero interest.

 

That's why I post here to get help from people like you that see tons of similar situations.

Understood

But it’s been 3 months at least, you first brought this guy up, a guy you’ve never met months ago and you’ve brought him up after on other people’s posts.

Somethings keeping you stuck to him.

I agree with bat, just block him. Why haven’t you months ago, I mean you clearly made the decision not to engage with him months ago, so you’ve been ignoring him for a while now, while he apparently keeps trying, bless his heart most would have given up long ago but also a huge point you’re avoiding... most would have blocked or told him to buzz off months ago...

This is so easy to fix. Block and delete him from your phone, it really is that simple. Another option is get a new phone number.

But it’s been 3 months at least, you first brought this guy up, a guy you’ve never met months ago and you’ve brought him up after on other people’s posts.

 

I think you confused my posts from the past with this new one. Those are two different guys. The one from a few months back did message me again, but he is very understanding and non-intrusive.

Yes, his behaviour is strange. I would red flag it. If it amuses you, you can mute the conversation (continue to receive messages but it's at the bottom of your messages list/no notifications) and check on his episodes once a day or every other day to see how he's doing speaking to himself.

Yes, his behaviour is strange. I would red flag it. If it amuses you, you can mute the conversation (continue to receive messages but it's a the bottom of your messages list/no notifications) and check on his episodes once a day or every other day to see how he's doing speaking to himself.

Haha! This is indeed another option.

I think you confused my posts from the past with this new one. Those are two different guys. The one from a few months back did message me again, but he is very understanding and non-intrusive.

So then you’ve dealt with this issue multiple times both men sounding exactly the same and you still haven’t figured out where your boundaries lie?

I hope I’m not coming off belittling because I’m not trying to, what I’m saying is, this is an easy fix, the fact that you’re ‘struggling’ with it is a bigger issue in my eyes.

It’s not safe to date and not be able to say ‘back off’

If you truly want this to end, you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse. Hopefully he'll be able to see right through this game, and bow out.

Honesty is the best policy. Be clear and simply tell him you're not interested.

I would write: "With all due respect, I'm not interested in you. Please do not contact me anymore otherwise I will block you." I think that is fair to say (text). Give him fair warning and if he refuses to take "no" for an answer, block him and be done with it.

I would write: "With all due respect, I'm not interested in you. Please do not contact me anymore otherwise I will block you." I think that is fair to say (text). Give him fair warning and if he refuses to take "no" for an answer, block him and be done with it.

Yes, I agree if it is safe to do so (meaning he doesn't know where you live, can't start contacting you elsewhere, etc. -sometimes ignoring triggers less of that nonsense/scary stuff).

Thanks, everyone! He seemed to have stop this thing, I haven't heard from him today. Hopefully, he understood. If he messages again, I will let him know that I'm not into it at all.

If you truly want this to end, you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse. Hopefully he'll be able to see right through this game, and bow out.

@HeartGoesOn, I disagree with you calling my actions a game. I see no fault in what I did. It's totally reasonable to take a few hours or longer to reply to someone, especially when you're working/sick, haven't met a person yet. Bombarding someone with messages disregarding a lack of feedback, sounds more like a game to me. Still, thanks for your input! I appreciate all advice.

Thanks, everyone! He seemed to have stop this thing, I haven't heard from him today. Hopefully, he understood. If he messages again, I will let him know that I'm not into it at all.

 

 

 

@HeartGoesOn, I disagree with you calling my actions a game. I see no fault in what I did. It's totally reasonable to take a few hours or longer to reply to someone, especially when you're working/sick, haven't met a person yet. Bombarding someone with messages disregarding a lack of feedback, sounds more like a game to me. Still, thanks for your input! I appreciate all advice.

Rather than choose the common sense solution, (blocking him) you're choosing to participate. Either way, good luck, and I'm over and out.

Is it ok to ghost someone you've never met?

Yes. The whole point of meeting someone is to learn whether you'll want more interaction, or not. If you've already learned that the answer is not, then you can shut down interaction in any way that's best for you.

I only advise against ghosting when it's someone I've met in person. For example, if you guys actually went on a few dates and you decided to ghost him, that would be messed up.

However, since you've never met you can easily slide out of his life and this shouldn't mean much to him. Hard reality is it might hurt his feelings. Sometimes when people meet someone new, they're so excited that they want to talk to this person all the time and so on and amongst those feelings they started becoming blind to social ques.

If you want to ghost him, I would do it. But keep in mind it might hurt his feelings but he'll live and move on.

On your end of things, I would advise against giving your number out on online dating sites. Especially if you're not interested in dating, it gives people the wrong message. I'm familiar with bumble. I met my last boyfriend on bumble and we chatted on the bumble app up until we started planning our date. So maybe you should maintain your privacy until you're certain this is someone you want to talk to because you can't give someone your number and expect them not to use it. If you weren't open to that contact, you should've maintained your privacy until you are.

I only advise against ghosting when it's someone I've met in person. For example, if you guys actually went on a few dates and you decided to ghost him, that would be messed up.

 

However, since you've never met you can easily slide out of his life and this shouldn't mean much to him. Hard reality is it might hurt his feelings. Sometimes when people meet someone new, they're so excited that they want to talk to this person all the time and so on and amongst those feelings they started becoming blind to social ques.

 

If you want to ghost him, I would do it. But keep in mind it might hurt his feelings but he'll live and move on.

 

On your end of things, I would advise against giving your number out on online dating sites. Especially if you're not interested in dating, it gives people the wrong message. I'm familiar with bumble. I met my last boyfriend on bumble and we chatted on the bumble app up until we started planning our date. So maybe you should maintain your privacy until you're certain this is someone you want to talk to because you can't give someone your number and expect them not to use it. If you weren't open to that contact, you should've maintained your privacy until you are.

Eventually he'll find someone else to catch his attention or he'll give up all together.

Someone who comes off creepy and has impulse control issues probably isn't going to handle being told not to contact you any more very well. Just a hunch.

He'd cause me to feel unsafe.

I'd block him. I don't owe someone I've never met, that feels it ok to blow up my phone, an explanation.