Let it go?

Girl (19F) and I (20M) worked together at a grocery store and really hit it off. I asked for her Snap and about a week later, for 3 nights in a row we talked until about 2-3am. We went on a date that coming Friday and continued to connect more and more. We had shifts at work the next 3 days. We flirted a lot and one night we went out to eat after, and the next 2 nights she came over to my house afterwards.

She has mono so I was hesitant to kiss her, and one night before she left my house we just stood outside her car contemplating if it was worth it or not. I was leaning against her car door and she just held my arm, kissing it until she eventually stepped out, we just held eachother while she was kissing my neck and then we kissed for real. I hugged her and whispered that I thought I had a crush on her and she said she did too. The next day we worked together and it was even more flirting. Lots of corny texts when we didn’t have time to talk to eachother, touching (lol she even smacked my ass a few times), etc. That same night she came over again and we kissed a lot and cuddled and stuff while watching a movie.

Well, she’s now left for school about 3 hours away. After she left the other night we texted and I told her that I liked her a lot and didn’t want to just drop it. She said she really didn’t either but she wasn’t at a good point for a relationship, but would see how she feels about it once she gets settled in her new apartment at school and would be open to me visiting and see how it goes. I told her I didn’t mind driving down there whenever I had the time and she again just said she’d have to see how she’s feeling. She told me it took her a while to open up to people and she gets weird about people staying with her. After we stopped talking for the night, I realized that I moved waaayyyyy too fast and I felt really bad about it. We’ve only been talking for about 3 weeks now so I knew I ed up by saying that.

The day after she came over she was really busy before moving the next day. She made some time to meet me for a few minutes, and I gave her a small plant for her place. She was extremely excited, held and kissed me, etc. I apologized for what I’d said the night before and told her it was really stupid and she said it was fine and no big deal. She didn’t have much time so we kissed goodbye and I let her finish up her stuff.

Yesterday we didn’t text too much since she was busy and we haven’t talked at all today.

I took her saying she wasnt at a good point for a relationship as her not wanting a long distance one. I know she likes me a lot and I like her a lot too. She’s basically the female version of me lol. I’m torn on what I should do here.

I was thinking just to give her some space today, and send her a text tomorrow (Sunday). I’ll be going out of town on Wednesday (~1 and 1/2 hours away from her) and on Friday (~45 mins from her) to visit schools I’ll potentially transfer to. Would it be a bad idea to send her a text and tell her I’ll be at those places and try to meet up with her for lunch or dinner? I don’t want it to seem like the reason for me visiting those schools is to see her, but I also feel like I should give it a chance.

I want to respect her wishes and space, but I also don’t want to just drop it without giving it a chance. I know it’d be way less stressful to let it go, but no matter how much I tell myself that I can’t shake the feeling. Obviously I’m not going to invite myself to see her, but I feel like it’d be worth a shot to mention it and see if she’d want to meet somewhere.

Don’t get me wrong, I know the issues with LDR’s and I’m not sure if I even want to go through that, but I think it might be worth a shot to see her a couple times if she’d be up for it.

I could really use some advice here. Thank you.

I'd touch base with her after you decide which school you want to transfer to. You're a bit distracted with her and it's not a good idea at this time. She also appears distracted. I think you'd have a better shot at sparking emotions again in two to three weeks. Play with the timeline and don't worry so much about the connection. If it was an actual connection, it'll resurface.

I'd touch base with her after you decide which school you want to transfer to. You're a bit distracted with her and it's not a good idea at this time. She also appears distracted. I think you'd have a better shot at sparking emotions again in two to three weeks. Play with the timeline and don't worry so much about the connection. If it was an actual connection, it'll resurface.

So I shouldn’t bother with hitting her up Wednesday or Friday when I’m close to her school?

I'm not sure what you're looking for. I thought it was a relationship. If you're looking for some ongoing romance, I don't feel now's a good time. If you're looking to catch up as friends or casual acquaintances, hi would be nice.

I'm not sure what you're looking for. I thought it was a relationship. If you're looking for some ongoing romance, I don't feel now's a good time. If you're looking to catch up as friends or casual acquaintances, hi would be nice.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for, but I know I don’t want to just end it and not see her again. I still don’t know if I’m up for the long distance thing, myself but I’m willing to give it a try should we both have that same feeling.

If you feel strongly about it and miss her a lot, I don't see what the harm is in saying hello or letting her know you're in the area. It might help in the overall picture to just try and keep in mind she may be busy again or have other things going on. I don't think you should have to wonder about it if you feel very compelled to spend time with her. She has given you an answer already about not being ready for romance or a relationship. I think you should hear it again straight from her if that's the case. You might feel better about that instead of wondering 'what if' later this week.

If you feel strongly about it and miss her a lot, I don't see what the harm is in saying hello or letting her know you're in the area. It might help in the overall picture to just try and keep in mind she may be busy again or have other things going on. I don't think you should have to wonder about it if you feel very compelled to spend time with her. She has given you an answer already about not being ready for romance or a relationship. I think you should hear it again straight from her if that's the case. You might feel better about that instead of wondering 'what if' later this week.

I wonder more about the consequences of long distance more than how I feel about her. I know I don’t “love” her or anything, but I know I have strong feelings. I do agree that hearing everything in person would give me more closure on it. I hate having conversations like that over the phone but I didn’t want to ruin the mood while she was here by talking about it. If I do end up seeing her I for sure won’t bring it up and I’ll just treat it as a normal visit. I’ll let her make a decision and go from there. She also isn’t the best communicator over text so I could just be overthinking what she said but who knows.

Thank you, though. I’ll definitely shoot her a text in the next couple days and let her know I’ll be in the area and see what happens. I really appreciate it.

Sounds like you guys are into each other, but timing is a bit inconvenient.

I’d give her space to settle in her new environment and put starting a relationship on the back burner for now. She’ll need time to adjust to her new school and it’s good that she seems to be making that a priority.

You should likewise focus on your school for now and if it so happens that you go to school close to her you can slowly start from there.

In the meantime I don’t see anything wrong with catching up as friends here and there, but try to keep it balanced and let her come to you as well, as to not overwhelm her.

If you share good chemistry with her and end up meeting her later this week, I'd flirt a bit and not keep things too platonic.

It might be a good idea also after that to understand that you both may be good in person together but not good with keeping up romantic or flirty conversations via text or phone. If one person is ok letting the spark fizzle out, remember it's not all on the other to keep things going. You deserve to find someone who's both interested in you and interested in maintaining a happy romance. It can happen! Either way, have fun and be safe.

I think it'd be fine, but I'd advise dialing it back to grabbing some coffee, or some other outing that doesn't look like a date.

I feel like if you straight out asked her to dinner it would make her feel suffocated, considering the last discussion you guys had. So casually asking if she wants to hang out with you out in public a bit is more friendly and I think she'd be open to that more.

I hate to say this, but it's also possible she wants to keep her options open in case she meets someone at school. Good luck.

Sounds like you guys are into each other, but timing is a bit inconvenient.

I’d give her space to settle in her new environment and put starting a relationship on the back burner for now. She’ll need time to adjust to her new school and it’s good that she seems to be making that a priority.

You should likewise focus on your school for now and if it so happens that you go to school close to her you can slowly start from there.

In the meantime I don’t see anything wrong with catching up as friends here and there, but try to keep it balanced and let her come to you as well, as to not overwhelm her.

Thank you this is what I was thinking. She did tell me it sucked that she was leaving because she met me. If we end up meeting next week I'd probably just read the situation and most likely try to keep it normal as friends. Let her get settled into her life and then see if she'd be up for an actual visit. I appreciate it.

If you share good chemistry with her and end up meeting her later this week, I'd flirt a bit and not keep things too platonic.

 

It might be a good idea also after that to understand that you both may be good in person together but not good with keeping up romantic or flirty conversations via text or phone. If one person is ok letting the spark fizzle out, remember it's not all on the other to keep things going. You deserve to find someone who's both interested in you and interested in maintaining a happy romance. It can happen! Either way, have fun and be safe.

Yeah we'd talked about that before. How it was much easier to interact in person than over text, but it mainly comes down to how she communicates. She responds with a lot of dry messages that would make you think she isn't interested, but in person it's like she's a whole different person. I'll just have to see what happens in a couple weeks. I'll mention to her I'll be in the area but I won't be pushy about coming to visit.

I think it'd be fine, but I'd advise dialing it back to grabbing some coffee, or some other outing that doesn't look like a date.

 

I feel like if you straight out asked her to dinner it would make her feel suffocated, considering the last discussion you guys had. So casually asking if she wants to hang out with you out in public a bit is more friendly and I think she'd be open to that more.

 

I hate to say this, but it's also possible she wants to keep her options open in case she meets someone at school. Good luck.

Yeah that's all it would be. Something quick or simple like coffee or lunch. And I totally understand about her wanting to keep her options open. She's in school and wants to have fun, so she might not want to be tied down to someone who's 3 hours away, which I totally get. Thanks for the advice.