the first move

so i got this best friend who's a little promiscuous, she spends a lot of time with me in my house and she even sleeps here almost everyday sharing the same bed ( because i only got 1 bedroom and there's no other place for her to sleep in).

she's usually open about her sexuality to me and so am i.

its jsut that recently i feel a lot of sexual attraction towards her, I think its because i spend a lot of time with her and we're open about talking about sex.

HOWEVER she made it clear to me that im in the "big brother" zone. which makes it hard for me to make a move. Sex isnt a problem for me, im 27 years old and im no longer as sexually active as i was, im not actively seeking it too. its just that i really want to break the ice with her physically somehow, this happened to me before and i just went for it, and the girl responded well. Its just times has change im more unsure about this now.

hope anyone can help. i dont know what to do, i just have this urge to make a move, but at the same time i dont want to because im scared somehow. I'v asked myself if its more important for me to keep our friendship this way, and i realise the friendship isnt worth keeping.

uh im writing this under stress feeling like a total looser. so this might not make sense or it even may sound horrible.

I would not make any move since she's already told you it would not be welcome. And since you are so tempted stop sleeping in the same bed. Sleep on the couch, on the floor, or pay for an Uber to take her home.

Do you mind saying a bit more about the stress you're feeling? Is that stress from your set up/current living situation and this friend or is it from other areas (other things going on)?

From your write up, it sounds like you're very worried about what she might think of you. Has she ever shown signs of pressuring you into doing anything or influencing you in ways you didn't feel good or healthy about later on? Is she strongly opinionated? The reason I ask is because you seem to be agreeing to a set up that more or less most people would not agree to. Having a friend sleep over almost every night is irresponsible on both your parts, especially if you haven't talked about the reasons why she's doing that. I understand things come up but neither of you are doing a good job of clarifying what is going on. She's not interested in you. I feel like some boundaries are being crossed and you're not being clear with yourself or you haven't had a chance to hear your own self over her.

You are in the friend zone. She is not interested.

Why does she sleep there so much?

Holy ! man you hit it, you're right, i think i am spoiling her too much, i just realized that im becoming the "nice guy who finish last" i've probably realised this a while ago but you're right. I know the smart thing is to move on from her and just find a better partner in life. I also just realise why now i feel like a looser, its because im acting like a looser with her. i cant say no!

So, first let me tell you that, even if she is your best friend, the fact that she sleeps there so much is quite disturbing, IMHO. And, in your bed???? Really??? OK, not good, I don't care how you look at it. I feel that that scenario is acceptable for two people in a relationship. You are both wrong. She should go back to her own place and sleep there.

She's already told you that you are in the "big brother" zone. Another thing that doesn't sit well with me as far as sleeping in the same bed. Creepy. If you do try something, she might possible accuse you of trying to rape her. You never know these days. Think about that. If you make a move and it doesn't escalate to an accusation of sorts, then you've created an uncomfortable situation for both of you. She might not consider you a "big brother" because you violated her request. Plus, you might feel like an idiot. (sorry)

Personally, why stir the pot? Make sure she goes to her place to sleep after visiting with you. You should both use some common sense and be mature about it. This will (hopefully) preserve your "best friend" status.

OP, why does she sleep at your place?

So, first let me tell you that, even if she is your best friend, the fact that she sleeps there so much is quite disturbing, IMHO. And, in your bed???? Really??? OK, not good, I don't care how you look at it. I feel that that scenario is acceptable for two people in a relationship. You are both wrong. She should go back to her own place and sleep there.

 

She's already told you that you are in the "big brother" zone. Another thing that doesn't sit well with me as far as sleeping in the same bed. Creepy. If you do try something, she might possible accuse you of trying to rape her. You never know these days. Think about that. If you make a move and it doesn't escalate to an accusation of sorts, then you've created an uncomfortable situation for both of you. She might not consider you a "big brother" because you violated her request. Plus, you might feel like an idiot. (sorry)

 

Personally, why stir the pot? Make sure she goes to her place to sleep after visiting with you. You should both use some common sense and be mature about it. This will (hopefully) preserve your "best friend" status.

Thanks! yea i've since calmed down and thought about it.

she sleeps in my house because she's not cool with her family, if she aint sleeping in my place she's sleeping at her female best friend's place. funny thing is she lives 3 blocks from me.

anyways i know what to do now, i think im just gonna give some space/bounderies, i feel like a looser because im acting like a looser around her. Im the nice guy who finish last because i cant get a grip. but yeah today was a wake up call.

What wouldn't be nice is not to respect someone's boundaries -she certainly is sending mixed messages with the "big brother" comment then sleeping in your bed but to be safe, abide by what she said.

Thanks! yea i've since calmed down and thought about it.

 

she sleeps in my house because she's not cool with her family, if she aint sleeping in my place she's sleeping at her female best friend's place. funny thing is she lives 3 blocks from me.

 

anyways i know what to do now, i think im just gonna give some space/bounderies, i feel like a looser because im acting like a looser around her. Im the nice guy who finish last because i cant get a grip. but yeah today was a wake up call.

Glad you thought it through. You are not acting like a loser. I think she's using you for her convenience at your expense, and that's not cool. You are just trying to be nice but, yes, definitely set boundaries. You'll thank yourself later. Good luck!

She sounds like a user.

How old is she? Does she have a job? Why doesn't she have a place of her own?

She's not your partner. You're her cuddle buddy. Why do you have platonic sleep overs?

move on from her and just find a better partner in life.

She sounds like a user.

 

How old is she? Does she have a job? Why doesn't she have a place of her own?

She most definitely is a user, Holly. OP said "she sleeps in my house because she's not cool with her family, if she aint sleeping in my place she's sleeping at her female best friend's place. funny thing is she lives 3 blocks from me."

It makes no sense to allow anyone to sleep in your bed who doesn't want the same thing. She doesn't just end up in your bed, you either invite her or you allow her, so I'd rethink that.

It makes no sense to allow anyone to sleep in your bed who doesn't want the same thing. She doesn't just end up in your bed, you either invite her or you allow her, so I'd rethink that.

Yes, this: "She doesn't just end up in your bed, you either invite her or you allow her, so I'd rethink that."

You should respect her boundaries. If she says she sees you as an older brother and not a lover, respect that. What does it matter if she's promiscuous?

You should also respect your own boundaries. Don't share your bed with her anymore.