Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 32

Thread: Would it be stupid if I reach out for him now?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    7

    Would it be stupid if I reach out for him now?

    Hey guys,
    Here's this silly little story I'm too ashamed to even tell my friends I'm still thinking about sometimes.

    First, I know the whole thing is cheesy but I can't explain my emotions:
    About a year ago I met by chance this guy.
    He invited me for a coffee. We started talking and were surprised to find out that we have so much in commun, same taste in books, movies, music, beliefs, lifestyle. Same *everything* (and it's so rare). My favourite poem was his too. The sexual attraction between us was insane. It was so intense, unique, like we knew each other from a long time.
    The coffee became lunch, drink, dinner.. and as the hours passed I had this feeling that I was falling in love.

    He was in town just for a couple of days, I've seen him 3 times on campus after that. He made me listen to a song about how sometimes we completely fall in love with someone and have to leave for another life/partner and he moved from town.

    He sent me texts, calls and drunk calls from time to time but since I wanted more I moved on.
    3 months later he insisted to see me, he said he couldn't get me of his mind since we met and wanted to know if it was mutual. He said he didn't want to walk away from what we could have .

    But..I got the impression like he wouldn't bother to come see me if sex isn't included, and I wasn't okay with that.

    Then there was a misunderstood and he ended up telling me that he has a girlfriend (in france back then) and he was tempted to cheat on her with me but he wouldn't make that mistake. Of course I was offended. He apologized many times and wanted to be friends. I finally accepted but we never talked to each other since then.

    He sent me a friend request months later that I declined, then another one last month with "I hope you're doing fine, and I hope fate will unite us one day" (Translantion :d). I just said life is full of surprises and declined this one too.
    And he blocked me this week out of the blue from facebook.

    I'm still thinking about him often, even more after my recent breakup and no matter how many people I meet a small part of me thinks that it would be better with him.

    I'm aware that it must be idealization but I'm just wondering, would it be THAT stupid if I call him someday and suggest go and see him, no sex, just to hang out, talk and say goodbye properly?

    Btw we're 22 and 24 yo, and sorry for my english as usual.

    Thanks
    Last edited by yasu; 08-16-2019 at 03:16 PM. Reason: Correction

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,689
    Gender
    Female
    And he blocked me this week out of the blue from facebook.
    So he blocks you from facebook and NOW you want to contact him to meet up when all along you have been either ignoring him or turning him down. ???

    He's got a girlfriend or, if he doesn't now, you know that he's capable of pursuing other woman while in a committed relationship so why go see someone like that, particularly when he lives long distance?

    Put him out of your mind, stop idolizing the little time you had together and put yourself out there in the dating scene to meet someone who lives local that you will find just as good of a connection with once you have let yourself get to the stage of indifference to him. No one is going to seem as good as him when you have him on such a lofty pedestal.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,122
    Gender
    Male
    Short answer: yeah, it would probably be close to ďTHAT stupid,Ē at least in the way youíve phrased it.

    You want to call him some day and say hi, see if the timing is right to connect in some way or another? Cool, go for it. But to call him with a series of caveats, and with the hope of saying ďhiĒ in order to ďsay goodbye properly?Ē Well, thatís just drama. Hard for something to not be weird when itís front-loaded with an avalanche of weird, you know?

    I think your instincts so far have been really spot on. For all the chemistry and shared interests, something is telling you that fostering the connection isnít the healthiest move. Understandable. That early connection was actually made when he had a gf, lied about it, and, at least emotionally, did to some degree cheat on her. The super awesome guy youíre into is also the kinda sketchy guy youíre justly wary of.

    Ugh. Happens. Been in your shoes here and there, and Iím sure Iíve worn his as well. I say keep living your life, observing these thoughts and feelings a bit. When and if the time is right to say hi it will be so natural that youíll just do it, not fretting, not poling people for opinions, and not too concerned with what ďhiĒ will mean because it will just mean hello.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,319
    Gender
    Female
    I feel like you're daydreaming a bit and wondering outloud which is fine. It's ok to daydream but I don't think it's realistic to see him again. Give yourself time to breathe. You said you've just broken up with someone else also. I think you're feeling lonely and that's ok too. Take the time to heal from your break up and daydream about all the good things you want in your life but know where to draw the line. I don't suggest contacting anyone you've had a history with if he/she is in a relationship. It's disrespectful and it'll cause further confusion for you.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,341
    He wanted to cheat on his gf with you. This guy has shown you who he is, and it is not good. Why would you want to sign up for this?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,341
    I don't understand why you would go to see someone to hang out, then want to say goodbye? That does not make sense.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,403
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by yasu
    We started talking and were surprised to find out that we have so much in commun, same taste in books, movies, music, beliefs, lifestyle. Same *everything* (and it's so rare). My favourite poem was his too.
    Maybe this is just a function of being old and jaded - but to me this is a huge turn OFF, not a turn ON.

    Why?

    Because 9 times out of 10, when this happens, they are lying. Itís a game. They will ask you what your favorite dog is, you say ďpoodleĒ and then they will list all the reasons why poodles are great. Itís a fake way to make you feel connected. When you actually get to know them over a period of months or years, you will learn that they donít even like dogs at all.

    Itís not normal or natural for two people to be exactly alike. People are like snowflakes. We are all different.

    ... and really, why would you want to date yourself?! That would get boring after a while. Donít you want to date someone who is different - who can introduce you to new things and help you to learn and grow??

    ... and he has a girlfriend that he was willing to cheat on (so clearly he IS a liar...)

    ... and you donít think he wants to see you unless sex is involved...

    I would not call this guy. Not at all.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,600
    yasu, I truly believe there certain people in this world that we once connected with, albeit briefly, but for some reason it wasn't the right time or whatever, but who will always remain "with us" on some level.

    Re this guy, something was there imo and probably still is. Not sure whether it was fear that prevented either of you from moving it forward (my guess is it was) but my feeling is if you want to reconnect, be clear about what you want to happen.

    Begin seeing each other, for real? Develop a relationship? Again be clear on that

    Do not get in touch if what you want is to say a proper goodbye, that would be stupid imo.

    It's not really what you want anyway, is it? You want to reconnect so own that!

    Be honest and real about that, it's the only way.

    Be sure you're emotionally prepared and ready for it.

    If not, do not reach out!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 08-16-2019 at 04:35 PM.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    7
    Your answers made me feel even more stupid tbh haha but I needed that, thank you.

    Actually I never wanted to date him, even before I knew about his gf and that's why I never asked him if he had one. I knew things would have never worked as long as he lived far away.

    I just kinda wished we would stay close to some level, be in each other lives, and meet whenever possible. I know we could have os much fun. OR, if I knew that we'll never meet again, I would have just kissed him goodbye and never text or call again.

    But things he said those next months ruined everything and it was frustrating for both of us and I guess that's why he keep reappearing too and feels the need to block me a year after we met.
    (And no btw he wasn't lying about things he liked, it wasn't just a "me too" case).

    I thought of meeting up just to clear all the resentment and evaluate all possibilities based of the new circumstances. But yeah guess that was dumb and I must feel lonely too.
    Thanks guys
    Last edited by yasu; 08-16-2019 at 05:00 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,159
    Of course, it would be stupid. Never contacting him again permanently is a no brainer. Don't do anything foolhardy. He's a loser. Don't be tempted to contact him. He's a bum.

    Be with a good guy who has morals!

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •