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Thread: Not sure whats happening

  1. #1
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    Not sure whats happening

    Hi folks, just need to get this off my chest I guess. Been married 6 years( second time) was great but now...long story short..sex very infrequent, and very unsatisfying mostly now when it was great once , no displays of affection, no hugs goodnight , no good morning hugs, just out of bed and about her buisiness....etc and when I do cuddle and kiss her , its "oh your whiskers hurt or your pressing me too hard or doing something wrong. The best ( or worst , whichever way you look at it haha) is when we are having sex , usually right at the beginning she will , no joke, say something like "oh the shower glass needs replacing or " my Aunty said today, blah blah ." Seriously ????????? Whats the matter ? Why have you lost your erection?? ?? Its just not funny and I have actually almost lost complete interest and kind of dread having sex because she doesnt make me feel , well, sexy..She says she loves me dearly and I believe she does , its just THIS!!
    What the hell did i do to deserve this??? How do I deal with all this? Im depressed and dont know what to do !

  2. #2
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Have you talked to her about you've been feeling?

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Positive G
    Hi folks, just need to get this off my chest I guess. Been married 6 years( second time) was great but now...long story short..sex very infrequent, and very unsatisfying mostly now when it was great once , no displays of affection, no hugs goodnight , no good morning hugs, just out of bed and about her buisiness....etc and when I do cuddle and kiss her , its "oh your whiskers hurt or your pressing me too hard or doing something wrong. The best ( or worst , whichever way you look at it haha) is when we are having sex , usually right at the beginning she will , no joke, say something like "oh the shower glass needs replacing or " my Aunty said today, blah blah ." Seriously ????????? Whats the matter ?
    It sounds like she has too much on her mind to be in the moment. Try making love to her in the morning before life gets in the way.

    Why have you lost your erection?? ??
    Did you tell her why? If so what did she say? If not, why not?

    Its just not funny and I have actually almost lost complete interest and kind of dread having sex because she doesnt make me feel , well, sexy..She says she loves me dearly and I believe she does , its just THIS!!
    What do you do to seduce her before you get into bed with her? Have you been ignoring one another, just watching television, or by being on your individuals screens?

    What the hell did i do to deserve this???
    Depends on how you've answered the questions above.
    How do I deal with all this? Im depressed and dont know what to do !
    Also depends on how you answer the questions above. I'll also ask: When was the last time you had a romantic date night or weekend away together just the two of you? Do you have kids?

  4. #4
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    You posted about this same issue a year and a half ago.

    What changes or efforts have you both done in that year and a half?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like life got busy and both of you forgot how to date each other. Go back to the basics and honour each other more, flirt more and be a bit more tactful and discreet with your bad habits and gentle with each other in everyday and day to day life. That sensitivity is lost between the both of you. It'll take coaxing back. Once you're more in tune with each other on an emotional level, it'll flow a bit easier.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Make sure you haven't let yourself go in the grooming/fitness area and that you are keeping up the romance with date nights, etc. It sounds like poor communication, falling into a rut and sex becoming more mechanical. Your connection is a problem, address that. Don't just roll over all grubby, smelly, etc. and expect her to make you "feel sexy". Try to revitalize things buy acting like when you were first dating.

    Replied in your identical thread:[Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Positive G
    when I do cuddle and kiss her , its "oh your whiskers hurt or your pressing me too hard or doing something wrong. Why have you lost your erection?? ??

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You really need to discuss this with her.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    She needs to be romanced - without the expectation of sex. Stat by doing little things for her without drawing attention to the fact that you did something nice. No morning hello, or goodbye kiss? Just give her a peck on the cheek and tell her you love her. The important thing here is to treat her like you did when you first met, but don't expect a sexual reward for being romantic with her. She will eventually feel wanted and cared for, then, and only then, will she be back in the mood for a sexual relationship.

  10. #9
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    Why haven't you discussed this with her?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I see you've been having this problem for 5 and a half years. How about asking her to attend couples counseling with you? The therapist can give you both impartial insight and homework to make improvements.

    We don't know anything about your dynamic. Could it be she has a low libido and you thought her normal libido was of the higher type during the giddy highs of the new marriage?

    Does she feel like the chores and financial responsibilities are equally shared?

    Do you have a life besides her, or is she the sole center of your social life?

    Do you give her affection when you DON'T want to have sex?

    The best way to change another's behavior is to change your own. I don't know what this would mean in your life because I don't know what you say and do on a normal day, but perhaps you can figure it out. One example would be that if you make her the sole center of your universe, you could change things by getting a new hobby. This would let her see you in a new light, you'd have something interesting to tell her about, and she could have time to miss you once or twice a week when you engage in the new hobby.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes.


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