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Thread: Why do guys text after no contact for months?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Originally Posted by asalways
    Next, I wouldn't even spend 1 second of my time on these people. Unless they got arrested and went to prison for whatever number of months and are now out, there is no reason they should even be messaging you in the first place.
    Haha if that happened thatís even more Of a reason not to reply lol!

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    After one meet, keep in mind people are meeting others, just as you are. You were not in a relationship with them after one date. No need to lecture about ghosting or back burners after one meet. Why interrogate either of them?

    It's simple. If you liked them reply, if not say no thanks. It sounds like you gave off an aloof and indifferent vibe on theses dates. You can ask where were you, what happened etc, but that sounds a bit desperate.
    Originally Posted by Laluna14
    Anyway, it's been at least three or four months and suddenly this week I get a text from both these guys, saying sorry for the long absence and asking how am I and would I like to meet up again. I think I at least want to write and ask what happened but I don't really know if I want to go on a date with either of them again.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    I wouldn't bother responding to either of them.

    Their other options dried up so they came looking for you again, which doesn't suggest much genuine interest on their part. I would take a hard pass and entertain other options who are more consistent about keeping in touch and seeing you.

  4. #14
    Silver Member waffle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    suburban Detroit
    Originally Posted by Laluna14
    . . . I don't really know if I want to go on a date with either of them again. I don't want to be rude either but... What would you do?
    It would depend on my mood at the time. If I was feeling spunky I'd probably respond with a "who is this???" text. And in reality after four months I really wouldn't remember who it was.

    Most likely I wouldn't respond at all especially if I had the I don't really know if I want to go on a date with either of them again mindset. They're underwhelmed, you're underwhelmed, pass.


  6. #15
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    This happens. I've had this happen multiple times. I would say that probably it was because they were seeing other people, and when these didn't pan out, they circled back around. He could have been met with financial constraints that precluded spending money on dating. Life could have gotten busy with work, kids, family, etc. Maybe they got cold feet, feeling suddenly scared at their feelings. Who knows? Probably the reality is, there were other woman, which is fine, this is what dating is all about, and on apps, you meet multiple people. You yourself didn't capture any major chemistry, and sometimes these things can be a slow start. You think, let's give it another date or two to see if any sparks fly, but they moved in another direction because they didn't feel those big sparks either, or maybe they felt your resistance.

    I think it's very interesting how these things tend to happen in clusters. You hit a dry spell and then all of a sudden you have two or three guys coming out of the woodwork, maybe more. What's up with that?! Both of them circled back around at the same time?

    I don't think it would hurt to go out again and see what happens, but you seem more or less nonplussed with both of them, so I kinda wonder, what's the point? Your ability to connect could be clouded by the idea that you were either back-burnered or not important enough for a heads up..."I'm covering shifts for a sick coworker". You won't know unless you try, and if either one seems like there could be something more, it could be worth another try. I guess what I'm saying is, at the end of the day, it won't kill you to get out for the evening and enjoy some drinks and food and company, and if the sparks aren't there, you can move on. If you think you might look back and think "what if", then eliminate that and give it one more try.

    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    If you enjoyed their company, then go on a date with them (separately :))

  7. #16
    Member lolap's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    I'm not a guy, but I messaged one a few days ago after meeting up for the first time a couple months back. We both messaged a little bit in between and tried to meet up, but weren't too eager.
    I liked him, and there was definitely chemistry, but not too many sparks, and we both were a little aloof.
    The reason I decided to message him again was my ex that started reminding me of his existence, yet he is in a relationship, so I needed a quick distraction. I also do think that something could potentially grow with this new guy if we stay in contact and stars align. I will be perfectly fine if we go our separate ways, too.

    So, from my experience, I would only listen to my feelings and try not to judge them on the months of silence, they might have thought you were not interested, but decided to brave up and give it a shot anyway (after not finding anyone else). I also think it's perfectly fine to ask them why they suddenly reappeared. I would either ask directly or as a joke, stating that I was waiting all this time.

    Having said that, if you're not interested in either of them and was just curious about their motivation, it could be anything, but there must be something about you that they remembered and wanted to potentially explore the connection.

  8. #17
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    I recently had my ex message me after no contact. As exciting as it may sound, most of the time theres no good intentions...I was dumped

    My ex would text me because he wanted to see where I'm at emotionally in terms of our break up...

    He wanted to see if I was still available to him if his other situation didn't work out...

    No contact longer than a week doesn't work. If someone wants to talk to you they'll make effort. If he's able to cut you out of his life in that large span of time without reaching out, you know where you stand.

    No contact basically works 2/10 times

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