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Thread: I have a secret...

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
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    I have a secret...

    I did something that would end my relationship with someone I care very deeply for. We may have a chance at saving our relationship but if he knew this it would be over and I would lose him forever. It would be very bad.
    What would be the right thing to do? Let him go? Or carry on and hope that I can learn from the mistake (that I regret) and be a better person?
    It's tearing me apart.

  2. #2
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    He deserves to know. No offense but you should have thought about that before you cheated. Cheating is a decision made NOT a mistake.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Well, let me ask you this: If YOU were the person you cared very deeply for, what would YOU want? Would YOU want to be with a deceitful person who betrayed you? Would you want to be with a liar or someone who told you the truth? Would you want to be with someone with a conscience and a remorseful person? Would coming forward be worth the permanent breakup and estrangement? Would you be fine not knowing as long as the person you were with changed to be a better person forever?

    Would you want to know the truth or is ignorance bliss?

    If it's tearing you apart, think how you would would like to be treated and there is your answer.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    He deserves to know. No offense but you should have thought about that before you cheated. Cheating is a decision made NOT a mistake.
    It's complicated but it was not exactly cheating. It's more about WHO not what I did.... but I still did it knowing it would cause pain.
    Yes, I know the answer. I can't live with the lie.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    It's complicated but it was not exactly cheating. It's more about WHO not what I did.... but I still did it knowing it would cause pain.
    Yes, I know the answer. I can't live with the lie.
    What is "not exactly cheating"?

    You either did or you didn't.

    Let me ask you this; would you do what you did in front of your partner? Did you make efforts to conceal what you did?

  7. #6
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    Well, I think you should tell him and let him decide the outcome. That is the right thing to do. You chose to do whatever you did, knowing that it would cause pain. Unbelievable. What were you thinking? Now you have to deal with the ramifications of your action/actions and, hopefully, learn your lesson and not repeat it.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you are dating/seeing someone locally and still seeing the LD guy or still in this conflicted on/off LDR and seeing someone locally, then you need to sort out what you really want. Just end it/stop it with one or the other and move forward.

    True confessions are usually to end things, not to fix things. Why? They are not necessary in relationships with trust, integrity and happiness because there is nothing to confess. The confession and the action behind it is usually just the few last nails in the coffin of a terminally dysfunctional relationship.
    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    I have been in a long distance relationship for a year. It has not been easy and there has never really been any trust. We are both insecure and have trust issues.

  9. #8
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    It is kind of hard to answer tif you do not tell us what happened.

  10. #9
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    Cherylyn is exactly right. Would this affect YOU?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I agree with the members above and especially what Goddess mentioned (he should have a say in what's appropriate for him also in a relationship). Be clear about any misunderstandings and mistakes and open about it, acknowledge that it was a lapse or that you're working through it and need time even but be clear about it. He may have a strong opinion about it but that's why we are with our partners. You should be seeking to be with an equal partner, not someone you can control or have control over.

    Generally when we cross boundaries we may be subconsciously or consciously asking ourselves whether this situation is good for us. You may be questioning whether this situation in general is healthy for you and that is not a bad thing. We all go through different tests and questions in order to gain more understanding. If you make a mistake be honest about it and try not to negatively involve or impact others around you after that. Don't feel stuck in a situation just because you've made a mistake.

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