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Thread: I have a secret...

  1. #21
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    He deserves to know. No offense but you should have thought about that before you cheated. Cheating is a decision made NOT a mistake.
    To be fair, making a decision and making a mistake aren't exactly exclusive.

  2. #22
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    You have nothing to feel guilty about. You weren't together.

    Your boyfriend sounds dangerous, insecure and unstable. Don't get why you would even consider returning to him.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Both of you seem to disrespect each other in different ways but still have a strong emotional attachment to each other. Sometimes that emotional attachment doesn't allow us to become better people or even maintain status quo in a relationship. It goes downhill because of the continued disrespect. I read some undertones in non-acceptance regarding his personality (your words were 'socially awkward'). While they may be completely valid (I would respect your opinion on that) it might also be undercutting any of his concerns and devaluing him as a person just because you both differ in your outlook or responses to others.

    The nemesis idea isn't very helpful in creating a peaceful space between the both of you either. I'd be aware of the ideas and thoughts you're shaping around certain people you know or whom you've invited into your life. Those thoughts will shape and guide your actions and cause reactions in you that are equally negative. Instead of regarding your fling as a nemesis, consider him as a person like yourself or your boyfriend. All of you are people with different intentions, different ideas and different outlooks. If your boyfriend is the one who is egging you on with the ideas of enemies and someone being his nemesis, he may be at the very crux of your issues and negative outlook. Be careful and cautious of the influences in your life, not just your new influences but the current outlook and temperature of those already in your day to day life.

    It doesn't help to target the peripheral when the disease is built in or already at the core. Look at it as a whole and treat your life and your relationships with the same care and respect that you would treat your own body or mind.

    Whether or not you were exclusive doesn't matter very much to me. Relationships weave in and out and I think it's helpful to remain fluid about it and bend or turn as you need to in different situations but still stick to your beliefs and have limits in what you can or can't do, what you choose to think and what you do not accept in terms of ideas. If it wasn't exclusive and you were on/off, take it for what it was and temper your expectations of yourself. I'd be a bit more cautious about how you form ideas about different people and aware of where that negativity is coming from. If you can eliminate that, you might find this a bit easier to handle and work through.

    Overall, I'd be honest with your boyfriend about the relationship or fling and be clear about not accepting any negativity in your life. Remain true to yourself and what you think is right for yourself overall, worry less over the standards of others but remain respectful to the wishes of others.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Did you give you number whilst being in a relationship?
    Did you sleep with the other guy while still attached to the bf?
    No and no ...

  5.  

  6. #25
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    This whole story is just an incomprehensible mess. She doesn't even care to explain her answers.
    Good luck to you LadyCaCa. Hope you find your way.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    I did something that would end my relationship with someone I care very deeply for. We may have a chance at saving our relationship but if he knew this it would be over and I would lose him forever. It would be very bad.
    What would be the right thing to do? Let him go? Or carry on and hope that I can learn from the mistake (that I regret) and be a better person?
    It's tearing me apart.
    Would you like to build a home based on a flawed foundation? The home may look good but it will crack, crumble and eventually collapse.
    I take it it has to do with infidelity, tell the poor man, he has the right to know so he can make the correct decision for him, you lost that call for the relationship when you fell onto the other personís you know what.

  8. #27
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    Thank you this was very insightful. This situation is still going on. I am still finding it hard to sever communication with my ex, but I feel like I have to considering the circumstances. He doesn't know I'm seeing this person...And I am still seeing him. He hasn't asked, He has no idea. I feel like I should be honest but there's no value in throwing this in his face. The part I struggle with is that I'm still so angry with him for his betrayal that I want to rub it in hi sface...which would only level the playing fiels and make me as bad as him .

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Both of you seem to disrespect each other in different ways but still have a strong emotional attachment to each other. Sometimes that emotional attachment doesn't allow us to become better people or even maintain status quo in a relationship. It goes downhill because of the continued disrespect. .
    How can people have an emotional attachment yet disrespect each other??

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse

    It doesn't help to target the peripheral when the disease is built in or already at the core.
    I don't understand this statement...

  11. #30
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    Thank you this was very insightful. This situation is still going on. I am still finding it hard to sever communication with my ex, but I feel like I have to considering the circumstances. He doesn't know I'm seeing this person...And I am still seeing him. He hasn't asked, He has no idea. I feel like I should be honest but there's no value in throwing this in his face. The part I struggle with is that I'm still so angry with him for his betrayal that I want to rub it in hi sface...which would only level the playing fiels and make me as bad as him .
    You are still angry for "his betrayal?" You are the one that screwed this other guy when you knew your b/f or ex or whatever the heck he is would be furious and cut off all contact with you so what "betrayal" did he do?

    You are one mixed up chickie who, if she was with any sort of common sense, would stop all contact with your ex and continue with your casual sexual relationship(s) because you are in no place to be in anything serious with anyone... or at the very least ready to adhere to some common sense boundaries and rules that should be in place for all open relationships. You can't even do that.

    Sorry to be so blunt but you are your own worse enemy. Block and delete the ex and get on with your lifestyle without the ex in it.

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