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Thread: I have a secret...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'd like to know what it was that you did before I advise whether or not you should tell your partner. Sometimes, things are better off kept to yourself (even if you break up) rather than confess and hurt the crap out of someone by doing so.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    What is "not exactly cheating"?
    We were not together at the time. It was one of those grey areas....

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    We were not together at the time. It was one of those grey areas....
    IFyou both were single at the time then you don't need to tell him anything however; should he ask, then my advice is to tell him the truth without going into great detail.

    My questions now are: If you've already broken up once, have the reasons you broke up been rectified? Are you sure that getting back with him is the right thing for the two of you? Who broke up with whom? (and) How long were you apart when this "grey area" occurred?

  4. #14
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    It was this... We were on vacation last year. We met a group of people at our hotel and partied for a few days together. There was inexplicable chemistry between me and one of the guys and my boyfriend sensed it immediately. I did not. We were in the same profession, outgoing personalities, common interests. (My boyfriend is a bit socially awkward, we differ there and it has caused problems before) He was insanely jealous and he didn't hide it. It was his outbursts and jealous rage that made me aware that this guy was interested. As it turned out, he lived in my city. I came home and eventually we met up. I resisted his advances for 5 months until finally we got together. This would make me go mad. I know he hates this person, whenever I mentioned his name he went nuts, even threw a glass at my wall. Very extreme behavior and its obvious jealousy. I never said or did anything to provoke this. Absolutely not. If I tell him this we will never speak again. I will be dead to him. It's not about me, this guy just got under his skin right off the bat. I found that part of his personality ugly.
    I got together with the guy because it just felt right. We both are not interested in anything more, it was just a little adult fun. No harm no foul. Both my BF and I have had flings, we have been on and off for months. It's HIM. If he knew I slept with HIM .... his nemesis.... there will be no coming back from that.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Well I'm sorry to point this out but your relationship sounds awful. It's without romantic relationship boundaries and filled with over-the-top insecurity understandably fueled by the two of you having these "flings."

    Just break up with him but don't tell him about your most recent exploits. You are in no way ready to be in a monogamous, committed relationship with good boundaries in place so just have your flings without commitment until you realize what it takes to be loyal. Same goes for him.

    I never said or did anything to provoke this. Absolutely not.
    I disagree. You met up with this guy so clearly you gave him your contact info. A total romantic relationship boundary cross when you are in a committed relationship. You said nothing in your explanation about you and your b/f being broken up when you met up with the other guy.

  7. #16
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    [QUOTE=LadyCaCa;7154821]It was this... We were on vacation last year. We met a group of people at our hotel and partied for a few days together. There was inexplicable chemistry between me and one of the guys and my boyfriend sensed it immediately. I did not. We were in the same profession, outgoing personalities, common interests. (My boyfriend is a bit socially awkward, we differ there and it has caused problems before) He was insanely jealous and he didn't hide it. It was his outbursts and jealous rage that made me aware that this guy was interested. As it turned out, he lived in my city. I came home and eventually we met up. I resisted his advances for 5 months until finally we got together. This would make me go mad. I know he hates this person, whenever I mentioned his name he went nuts, even threw a glass at my wall. Very extreme behavior and its obvious jealousy. I never said or did anything to provoke this. Absolutely not. If I tell him this we will never speak again. I will be dead to him. It's not about me, this guy just got under his skin right off the bat. I found that part of his personality ugly.
    I got together with the guy because it just felt right. We both are not interested in anything more, it was just a little adult fun. No harm no foul. Both my BF and I have had flings, we have been on and off for months. It's HIM. If he knew I slept with HIM .... his nemesis.... there will be no coming back from that.[/QUOTE]

    And you knew this and chose to sleep with him anyway.

    Maybe you're tired of the off and on situation so you deliberately did something you knew this on and off guy would be upset about.

  8. #17
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    [QUOTE=boltnrun;7154825]
    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    It was this... We were on vacation last year. We met a group of people at our hotel and partied for a few days together. There was inexplicable chemistry between me and one of the guys and my boyfriend sensed it immediately. I did not. We were in the same profession, outgoing personalities, common interests. (My boyfriend is a bit socially awkward, we differ there and it has caused problems before) He was insanely jealous and he didn't hide it. It was his outbursts and jealous rage that made me aware that this guy was interested. As it turned out, he lived in my city. I came home and eventually we met up. I resisted his advances for 5 months until finally we got together. This would make me go mad. I know he hates this person, whenever I mentioned his name he went nuts, even threw a glass at my wall. Very extreme behavior and its obvious jealousy. I never said or did anything to provoke this. Absolutely not. If I tell him this we will never speak again. I will be dead to him. It's not about me, this guy just got under his skin right off the bat. I found that part of his personality ugly.
    I got together with the guy because it just felt right. We both are not interested in anything more, it was just a little adult fun. No harm no foul. Both my BF and I have had flings, we have been on and off for months. It's HIM. If he knew I slept with HIM .... his nemesis.... there will be no coming back from that.[/QUOTE]

    And you knew this and chose to sleep with him anyway.
    My BF's vendetta against this person has NOTHING to do with me or the other guy. Out tryst was purely physical and we both just wanted to get it out of our systems. Job done and we move on.
    Maybe I'll finish with my BF but this won't be the reason. It is a terrible relationship and there is no trust. Maybe that's why I thought it was ok...I had nothing to lose

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    ...Your opening post said "I may lose someone I care deeply for" Surely you understand that you shouldn't be betraying someone you "care deeply for?" There is a good reason why there is "no trust." Its impossible to trust someone who is untrustworthy. Even open relationships have rules that should be adhered to in order to facilitate trust.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to get rid of this violent on/off guy.
    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    He was insanely jealous and he didn't hide it. It was his outbursts and jealous rage

    I mentioned his name he went nuts, even threw a glass at my wall.

    Both my BF and I have had flings, we have been on and off for months.

  11. #20
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    Did you give you number whilst being in a relationship?
    Did you sleep with the other guy while still attached to the bf?

    Please answer.


    And there is no trust cos you cheat. Duh.

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