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Thread: I Want to be Good Enough for Him

  1. #1
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    I Want to be Good Enough for Him

    I've been exclusively dating this man for about a month and honestly, I am officially infatuated. He is such a quality man with a lot going for him. I am not sure why he is interested in me.
    This man is as sharp as a tack, super bright with a lot of knowledge about a large variety of topics. He is also a handy man around the house. All of the upgrades he put in the house, he personally installed (talented!). He's financially responsible with a perfect credit score and willing to help me with mine. He also offered to help me fix my car. He's thoughtful and considerate and he keeps me in mind on his grocery visits and makes sure I'm comfortable any time I come over. I mean the list goes on as to why I find him delightfully wonderful.

    I feel like he could do so much better. There is a 10 year age gap, but still, I am trying. I have always envisioned having a competent partner.. and if I have expect certain things out of a man, surely, I have to meet him half way. I don't feel ready to be what he needs. I am trying to work on my knowledge and develop my own hobbies.. I am trying. He's into Shakespeare and deep philosophical conversations, which that is something that I am interested in as well, but I just can't keep up with him. I feel like a dullard. My finances are not where I need them to be. I am working on that as well, but I am over extended due to outside circumstances, it's not like I'm irresponsible. I want to be able to make him smile, and make him happy. He values intelligent women.

    I'm so into this guy, I've been researching how to properly love. Love is not a feeling but a selfless act of making the other person happy. It's not about having your partner please you. I want this to last past the honey moon phase. I want this to last for years, decades. Because even if the newness wares off he's still a quality person and I want to be able to love him correctly and be what he needs in a woman. I asked him why he liked me. He said that he valued my optimistic heart and my energy. He told me that a man is better off in life with a woman by his side, and he is going to need someone in his world, once his grandmother and mother passes, he will feel alone and left with nothing.

    So much is happening. I started a new job, and I took a cut in pay around the same time my rent went up. It was my initial plan to move in with my mom, but after a few disagreements, I'm not sure if that's a good idea. This man is offering me a separate room. I'll pay cheap rent and it offers me the opportunity to get caught up and save. As tempting as that is, I never moved in with a man before.. and I am worried that this might put a wedge in between us. I desperately want things to work. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice is welcomed. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
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    Honestly, we already told you to cool off. Stop dating men from work. If he is already dating you, there is something about you he likes. you don't have to change - other than to stop second guessing, being clingy, etc. You admit that you are infatuated. you continue to move from one infatuation to the next.

    Do NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS GUY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD"S GREEN EARTH!!! Move in with mom or find a female roommate. I am sure there is someone - a divorcee or widow who wants to stay in her house and not have to sell, but if she had a roommate, the money would make ends meet just enough to be able to. I am sure there are small apartments. Or a flight attendant who is never home, but is offering a roommate a bargain rate to also feed their cat or something.
    Or i am sure there are people where their house has an in-law apartment but mom or dad died and they don't want to rent to a college student.

    NEVER move in with a romantic interest to save money. If you had a wedding date, that's different, but moving in sheerly out of convenience with someone you just started dating is big trouble. you barely know him and if things went south, you would not be able to leave so easily. How will you handle him going out with other people - even if its guys - and treating you like a roommate instead of a girlfriend?

    I think you are set on listening to our advice.

  3. #3
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    He told me that a man is better off in life with a woman by his side, and he is going to need someone in his world, once his grandmother and mother passes, he will feel alone and left with nothing.


    Translation: Mommy and Granny won't be around to cook for and dote on their little boy. He is looking for someone to take care of him like his mommy
    I want to feel special, not "you are a woman. you will do."

    Being in a relationship out of loneliness only leads to more loneliness.
    If he wanted a wife or girlfriend, he would not be telling you he wants to find someone so he won't be lonely after his mom and grandma die, he would just be looking for someone to nice to date and hoping it leads to more if its the right person.

    My ex married me ultimately because he didn't want to die alone. romantic, huh? we were going to break up and he decided he didn't want to break up just in case he didn't meet anyone else.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Actually, he is a better cook than me. The first time I cooked for him I messed up the recipe big time. Both his mother and his grand mother are in good health. He told me that he liked to have me around.

    It's hard to find a room when you have a dog. I've been trying. I refuse to move back in with my mother. He accepts me and my dog. I don't want to move in with him, I am terrified of that. But I am running out of both time and options here.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What did you disagree about with your mum and why did you take a new job with a pay cut?

    Also, if you don't mind me asking, where's your dad? Do you get along or is he in the picture/in your life?

  7. #6
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    What did you disagree about with your mum and why did you take a new job with a pay cut?

    Also, if you don't mind me asking, where's your dad? Do you get along or is he in the picture/in your life?

    Mom does not respect me. She doesn't treat me like I an adult. I never ask her for money. I never use her, I always do right by her. I am about to turn 27. I don't have a relationship with my older sister or brother, but when we all lived in the same house together, she charged me more than them and did not tell me. I found out from my brother a couple of years later. She refuses to tell me how much I would be charged if I moved back in. She still coddles me. I lived on my own for over 4 years and she still gets upset if I don't go straight home after work or if I don't call her. We talk almost every day. Moving in with her would be giving up my freedom, she thinks she can run me. I will show her nothing but the upmost respect, but she feels that since she's my "mom" she can treat me/ talk to me any kind of way. I can't handle that toxic, that's why I moved out. Dad has been out of my like for about 9+ years now. Mom was the breadwinner of the house, dad was a stay at home father .. and when the economy crashed and moms biz tanked, he ran out on us.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    Actually, he is a better cook than me. The first time I cooked for him I messed up the recipe big time. Both his mother and his grand mother are in good health. He told me that he liked to have me around.

    It's hard to find a room when you have a dog. I've been trying. I refuse to move back in with my mother. He accepts me and my dog. I don't want to move in with him, I am terrified of that. But I am running out of both time and options here.
    So what you are saying is, you are planning to move in with this guy and would like our support in doing so. I mean you are making every excuse for why itís a good idea so by all means have at it... you seem determined and I doubt anything we say would change your mind.

  9. #8
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    Twelve days ago you said you were NOT at all infatuated with him, that other men at work were giving you attention and that you were concerned because he had broken up with his ex after she rejected his proposal. Now you're completely infatuated and want to move in with him?

    Why are you in such a hurry to find someone?

    BTW, how did you end up dealing with the ex you said wouldn't leave you alone?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    How long until your lease is up?

    I'd take moving in with mom or him off the table as options, and focus purely on working the problem as the self sufficient adult you want to be.
    It will boost your confidence and competence to see how you can make things happen when you need to.

    Is there still an option to renew your lease?

  11. #10
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Omg people.
    I am not throwing caution to the wind. My lease is up. I am going month to month now because the rent is so high and I eventually need to get out. When I first moved in, I was at 675, now I am over 900+ for a one bed room. I am one person. I am self sufficient. I have never been late on rent ever. Not even once. I am just over extended now. I have been looking for another place. Everything I look at that I can afford now is in a rough neighborhood aka. the hood. Everything is going up here. I can no longer afford a decent place without going paycheck to paycheck. I have been looking for people who need room mates but everyone is rejecting me, they do not want to accept my dog.

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