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Thread: I Want to be Good Enough for Him

  1. #41
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I agree with Rose. She's giving smart advice.
    The real issue here is you can not afford your current lifestyle. Moving in with him may buy you a bit of time, but you still need a longer term strategy. If you started doing that now, you can avoid the complications with moving in to a reduced rent as a tenant to someone you are dating.

    I'd never judge someone having trouble making ends meet while on their own and working. I lived alone for years, with a pet, and yes life is expensive when it is all you.

    But you have to be willing to make some hard choices somewhere if your income isn't giving you the quality of life you want. Usually a combination of hard choices. Years down the line though, you'll thank yourself.

    Seems to me the dog going to live with your mom, or somewhere else s(he) would have a good home is a key aspect in this. Not saying it would be easy, but having pets is a luxury, and if you are talking learning to shoot or living with a one month dating guy...maybe you can't afford the dog.

  2. #42
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    I have had my dog for 13 years. I rescued him when he was a puppy. I can't just let him go. I am not sure if mom is willing to take care of him. She fusses when I ask her to watch him for a day. My last job was extremely toxic, I would not have left a good paying job if I was not miserable. This all happened around the time my rent went up YET AGAIN. They are tough choices, but my dog is my baby.

  3. #43
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    CL, may I ask why you started this thread, I am seriously confused.

    Your opening post said you fear moving in with him would drive a wedge between you, and asked for advice.

    Virtually everyone who's posted agreed, providing solid and valuable insight and wisdom, suggested other viable options, but you continue to knock them all down and defending why it's in your best intetests to move in (save money, your dog, avoid living in the ghetto, etc).

    So again, why did you start this thread and what exactly is it you're wanting/needing to hear?

  4. #44
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There should be laws where you are about how rent goes up and the increments they go up. $25-50 per month can be quite a bit if things are a bit tight. Are you sure there is nothing else you can cut down on in order to stay in your current place? About two or three years ago I cut my cellphone bill down from $90/month to $45 by switching to a new plan with double the data. Instead of the latest phone you can always buy one second hand with cash or last year's model and reduce your cellphone bill each month. Cable and internet may also be draining you right now and look into other providers. It makes no sense to throw the baby out with the bath water. Maybe this process has helped you gain new appreciation for your current apartment? Why are you so upset with the rental increase? Are you sure you're not overreacting a little? I'm only asking out of concern that maybe this is not as bad as you think. It's still a place you call your own and somewhere you have established as your home.

    Are there any other issues with the rental? Bugs or pests or bad neighbours bothering you? Don't be ashamed. I'm dealing with an ant situation right now (it's not too bad but a bit annoying) and a coworker just told me about a moth situation in her rental.

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  6. #45
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    CL, may I ask why you started this thread, I am seriously confused.

    Your opening post said you fear moving in with him would drive a wedge between you, and asked for advice.

    Virtually everyone who's posted agreed, providing solid and valuable insight and wisdom, suggested other viable options, but you continue to knock them all down and defending why it's in your best intetests to move in (save money, your dog, avoid living in the ghetto, etc).

    So again, why did you start this thread and what exactly is it you're wanting/needing to hear?

    To get a different perspective. I am not trying to knock anyone's advice down. I took everything into consideration and told the guy that I am seeing now that it would probably not be in our best interest. I'm confused. That's why I keep coming back with more comments on this thread. I have been independent for this long and now that is compromised. People are acting as if I am not financially responsible. I am. I just don't know what I'm doing now..

    I guess I'm done here now... This is just a difficult time in my life.

  7. #46
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    There should be laws where you are about how rent goes up and the increments they go up. $25-50 per month can be quite a bit if things are a bit tight. Are you sure there is nothing else you can cut down on in order to stay in your current place? About two or three years ago I cut my cellphone bill down from $90/month to $45 by switching to a new plan with double the data. Instead of the latest phone you can always buy one second hand with cash or last year's model and reduce your cellphone bill each month. Cable and internet may also be draining you right now and look into other providers. It makes no sense to throw the baby out with the bath water. Maybe this process has helped you gain new appreciation for your current apartment? Why are you so upset with the rental increase? Are you sure you're not overreacting a little? I'm only asking out of concern that maybe this is not as bad as you think. It's still a place you call your own and somewhere you have established as your home.

    Are there any other issues with the rental? Bugs or pests or bad neighbours bothering you? Don't be ashamed. I'm dealing with an ant situation right now (it's not too bad but a bit annoying) and a coworker just told me about a moth situation in her rental.
    I don't mean to keep this thread dragging on.. but I am a person who prides myself for living beneath my means. I pay my bills first before I try to do anything. I am not worried about the most up to date phone. I don't have cable, just internet. Vegas is booming now because there is going to be a new football team coming out here and I live down the street from there. A 300+ jump is a big deal for me. Plus my car insurance went up due to rates going up all over town. I am constantly looking for a new job that pays more. I had savings but after helping my mom out over losing her job, and taking my dog to the vet for an overnight stay, I am drained. There are no savings left. It was a little, now it's gone. I am not being dramatic. In order for me to get ahead, I need to live somewhere cheap. Mom isn't a stable option. She does not have a job right now, surviving off of unemployment while she search for a job. It has been months and she is still not employed. She has not told me what the bills would be if I moved in.

    I live in a nice neighborhood, I like my independence, I do not want to move but it's too much to pay now.
    Last edited by ConfusedLady21; 08-16-2019 at 01:03 AM.

  8. #47
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Confused... If you are located in Vegas, there are people who will likely be ok to split rent with you, dog or no dog. I've tried looking for apartments.rooms for my husband (then boyfriend online) when he was living in Vegas (in his car) - of course he refused to pay for room and rather save. There were people willing to accept a small dog and your picture looks like a small cute dog.

    As a dog owner myself, I am wondering if your dog may be aggressive towards other people? Non-friendly? And if he/she is not a friendly dog towards strangers, are you meeting potential roommates with your dog?

    Also you speak about living paycheck to paycheck... I lived on my own for almost 10 years and I lived pay check to pay check. There is nothing to be ashamed of about working full time and going school and trying to make it out in the world on your own as a young person. Sure you get lonely, and sure you get depressed (school counselor told me I should get a dog - but I knew I couldn't afford it). But you trudge on... and eventually it pays off. I know it did for me and it all started when I stopped caring what others think of me.

    I guess what I am saying is... I think if it wasn't for this guy, you would be ok with the idea of living pay check to pay check for the time-being until things turn around for you... but the only reason why you want to "save" is because you care what this "perfect credit score" man will think.

    This guy has only been in your life for a month... you do not need to prove anything to him or anyone.

    A strong you would tell him, thank you for the offer but I rather do this on my own and not risk jeopardizing us.
    A weak you would play the damsel and accept the offer in hopes that an improved credit score and savings can make her feel worthy of any one.

  9. #48
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Don't feel pushed out of your own thread. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way or said anything rude. I think it's good to talk outloud. If moving in with this person (the man you just met - into his house) is a good option to you for the interim, just try going over the numbers again one more time and see whether you can really save. I agree with you that $300+ increase is steep. I'm appalled it's going up so high at once. I'd also give myself a timeline if I were in your shoes and think about where I'd want to be in six months for example. (I wouldn't consider this a permanent option and would want to be out of there in 6 months to a year). One step at a time. Just worry about the living situation part first. Things with dating will fall into place when this is sorted. You can always tell the guy you are seeing that you have a few things on your mind right now but enjoy his company. If he's that interested in you I'm sure he will understand that you're working through a transition period and both of you can keep in touch.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did this go from "just met a guy, over the moon" to live in a ghetto, can't save money, mother is toxic, guy offered me cheap room/board?
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    I don't mean to keep this thread dragging on.

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse

    I agree with you that $300+ increase a month is steep.

    ...just try going over the numbers again one more time and see whether you can really save. I agree with you that $300+ increase is steep. I'm appalled it's going up so high at once.
    Yes it's appalling but it happens, it happened to me too. The market rate for rentals in my area has jumped in recent years, and when building management reviewed the numbers, those of us who had been paying rent below market got the huge increase.

    I simply cut back in other areas. I got rid of my cable ($155 per month including wifi) and now just have wifi ($60 per month).

    I majorly cut back on going out to lunch on weekdays and now bring my lunch and eat outside in the garden area of our office building ($200 per month savings).

    I walk to/from work instead of Uber or Lyft ($100 per month) and am now aware of the price of groceries, purchasing generic brand instead of named brands.

    With all that, I typically save in excess of $500 per month!!

    CF, be creative, you can do it! Especially the groceries. Use coupons if you can, you can find great deals on line or in the junk mail you receive but toss out.

    Walk everywhere (when possible, one mile or less), saving $$ on gas or public transport.

    You'd be surprised how much you can save per month with little cutbacks.

    It's $75 per week, not that much really. And you can stay in current rental.

    Anyway, this is what I did and my rent jumped $500 in two years to bring me to market level.

    If I can do it, you can, trust me!' .

    Forget about impressing new bf with your credit score, it's none of his business what your credit score is anyway, why are you even discussing these things??

    Live for you! Stop trying to impress others.

    You can slowly build your credit score up over time CF, pay your creditors on time every month is a good start, even if it's just the minimum.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 08-16-2019 at 01:01 PM.

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