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Thread: Am I doing something wrong by chatting with my exís friend on an app?

  1. #1
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    Am I doing something wrong by chatting with my exís friend on an app?

    Two weeks ago, I broke up with my ex of over a year because we really didnít have anything in common and I just wanted to be single. He was upset about it because he felt that it came out of nowhere(which it didnít) and that we had things in common(and we donít). He became very emotional and talked to some friends about buying a ring to propose(thankfully he did not)He made a post on FB about how I was a great girlfriend and how it has gutted him to lose me. Heís been texting me and drinking a lot. Just being a general mess. :(


    His friend had also just broken up with his gf of a year and he told me he was commiserating with his friend. According to what I heard, his friends break up was a long time coming and the break up was mutual

    His friend and I were talking on an app before I met my bf, but I went for my bf , so we never met in person until I was with my boyfriend. We had a couple hang outs with his gf,


    Before we broke up, my bf knew I wanted someone to talk about certain topics, because my bf doesnít know much about my favorite topic. This friend had written books on the topic that are used at an Ivy League school, So my bf at the time said heíd talk to his friend about talking to me about it. Never happened.

    Anyway, so this friend and I are both single now and we matched again on the same app. He sent me a message so I am responding and vice versa. Nothing inappropriate yet. Iím just wondering if there is an elephant in the room for him too or am I just overthinking it. We are both single after all

  2. #2
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    I would likely stay away. you are only broken up TWO weeks and you may want to date this friend to keep connected to your ex's world in a way. I would stay off dating apps for now and take a break.

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    Thanks much... but Iím ready to date again..This was not a quick decision for me. I had been thinking about this for a long time. I donít think I ever really had feelings for my ex in a romantic way just in a platonic way so I donít have any kind of issue with rebounding or whatever because those feelings were never there for me. I donít know if Iím interested in his friend. My interactions with him are limited. but I feel like I Am at least more compatible than I was with ex so I was wondering if it was ok to explore it . Thanks

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by datinghelp9
    Thanks much... but Iím ready to date again..This was not a quick decision for me. I had been thinking about this for a long time. I donít think I ever really had feelings for my ex in a romantic way just in a platonic way so I donít have any kind of issue with rebounding or whatever because those feelings were never there for me. I donít know if Iím interested in his friend. My interactions with him are limited. but I feel like I Am at least more compatible than I was with ex so I was wondering if it was ok to explore it . Thanks
    Back when you had the chance, you went for your boyfriend instead of this guy, so there must have been some reason you didn't choose him, you just aren't remembering now. But either way, i will tell you if this guy is a loyal friend, he is not going to date you or if he does, he is going to go to your ex and ask for his blessing. It may or may not go well.

    I still would just for the sake of everything, stay off the dating apps. if you meet someone naturally in person, great, but maybe take a month to reconnect with friends you didn't have time for during the relationship, try new things. there are other guys out there besides people close to your ex. If you connect in another way - end up attending the same events and you didn't preplan to, that's a different story

    That's just my two cents being an old lady.

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    Yes. To be truthful, I started dating my ex purely on him being my type physically. That was all he had and Iíve learned a lot the hard way since then - that thereís much, much more to it for me to be in love with someone. Thank you again for your advice. I will take it to heart,

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd enjoy the company via the app but let it fade out naturally. This means letting the conversation fade out and not continue any regular contact. I'd also limit the amount of visibility present on social media that your boyfriend or your mutual friends may see. You should feel a bit less limited in your growth and freedom to grow. Don't be afraid to step out of that old comfort zone and seek new (positive) influences and new people in your life. Enjoy your newfound freedom and play safe.

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    Have the empathy and stay away. I mean it's really not just about you. You dated him over a year and it's been two weeks. If you were mature and had a heart you'd consider your ex's feelings.

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    I wouldn't go there with an ex's friend.

    It is likely to get messy and I just wouldn't feel right about it. There will be other guys.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If the tables were turned, how would you like it if a guy who broke up with you started dating your friend?

    True friends don't do this to each other. And if he was willing to date you, it says a lot about his lack of boundaries and ethics. And your ex is a nice person who doesn't deserve this slap in the face from you and his supposed friend.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds you've always sort of had a thing for him and now that he's on the rebound and you are as well, you see this as your chance ... And you are going to take it no matter what anyone says/thinks.
    Originally Posted by datinghelp9
    Two weeks ago, I broke up with my ex
    His friend and I were talking on an app before I met my bf, but I went for my bf , so we never met in person until I was with my boyfriend. so this friend and I are both single now and we matched again on the same app.

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