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Thread: Obsessing over him

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by sophielove111

    I messaged him and after two days of not hearing from him. I got annoyed and frustrated. I messaged him saying 'Do you want to continue dating or do you want to call it a day as I don't know where I stand with you?' He messaged me back just saying he was busy with work. So I left it as that. I messaged him two days later asking how he was and how was work? Again, nothing. I didn't like they way he was making me feel so I messaged him saying 'i hope there are no hard feelings and I hope we can be friend's'. Surprise surprise, nothing back from him.
    Sophie I know you don't think of it as pestering but reading the above, you sent him way too many texts.

    Best to send one and wait for response; if he replies back in a cold way that he's "busy," leave it. Do not respond to that.

    I know you're anxious and wanting to close that gap to alleviate anxiety but I have never seen anything good or positive result from that. Learn to manage your anxiety on your own, yoga helps me tremendously!

    Burdening him with texts or calls will push a guy away further or gone for good, which sadly is exactly what happened here imo.

    I'm sorry. :(

  2. #12
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Both of you had sex and even though it was consensual, he used you, he's done with you and too much of a coward to tell you to get lost. It's over. Take a hint and get his message. Stop hounding him. Leave him alone. He lost interest in you quickly. I'm sorry.

    In the future, don't be so quick to jump in the sack with a guy. Establish a real, great friendship first for a very long time before entering a relationship with a man. Stop doing things backwards.

    You're obsessing because rejection is driving you crazy. Change the way you are and you'll have better outcomes.

  3. #13
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    I donít like this concept that he "used" her.

    For what, sex? Does that mean that she "used" him too? Perhaps since they both agreed to have sex, and enjoyed it, they "used" each other. lol

    Sorry not buying it, this isnít high school for goodness sake, they were two consenting adults who chose to have sex with each other.

    OP, you took a chance, a risk, and sadly it didnít work out. It happens. More often than not in fact in today's dating environment.

    I donít even think having early sex was a factor; many couples move on to have relationships after early sex, my ex and I were one of them.

    You just werenít the right fit for him, thatís all. Whether you were too needy, too anxious or whatever, doesnít matter.

    Tough pill to swallow but thatís all this is. Nothing more, nothing less.

    That said, I do believe it would be gracious of him to tell you he's done, a text would be fine, if only out of courtesy.

    These early stages are often so precarious, the littlest thing like one too many texts can send the other person off and running.

    In any event, lesson learned for next time. Manage anxieties on your own and contain, contain, contain.

    Iím sorry it didnít work out.

  4. #14
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    Sorry, he wasn't interested. Please do not contact him again. Contact should be reciprocal.

    Also, you should not be having dates in people's homes, they should be in public. If he was interested, he should have wanted to take you out. Home dates are for sex and zero effort.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by sophielove111
    I'm not pestering him!? I told him we can be friend's and that was that!
    Why would you want to be friends with someone like this?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It seems he wasn't as attracted to you as you were to him (the interest levels differed). I do think he was a bit coy about it and that may have to do with his level of work or needing to maintain a lower profile without resorting to long text conversations justifying why he is the way he is. I'm sure he's also starkly aware that you know where he lives. I think it's best to remain respectful of each other and let things be. Don't resort to any passive aggressive texts or phone calls and try not to upset yourself over this. I'm not certain you both know each other well enough.

    It didn't seem like he was open to a lot of conversation and conversation or communication tends to happen naturally in friendships too. This doesn't seem like a good option or natural segway into any type of friendship. I'm really sorry about how this all came about. There are plenty of other people to meet and enjoy company with.

    Can you explain a bit more why you feel you would like to communicate with someone like him? Is it perhaps you might have thought more of him because of what he does for work or because you subconsciously might have read a bit too much into his personality? Have you dated any officers in the past?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I seriously doubt that that's why he hasn't contacted you.
    You slept with him on the first date and it appears that's the one and only date you had. From there you became his bed buddy.
    The signs were all there. . .you just accounted for all of them.
    Why didn't you bail earlier when he refused to go out and only wanted to do `indoor activities' with you?
    This. You saw what you wanted to see instead of the reality.

    Its all good if thatís actually what you wanted as well but itís obvious from your post thatís not the case.

    His interest seems to have faded for now but I guarantee he will be back for more; itís up to you to decide if you want to close the door on this chapter.

  9. #18
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    He will be back when he wants another booty call.

    Block and delete.

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