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Thread: Obsessing over him

  1. #1
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    Obsessing over him

    I started seeing my friends friend. I knew him for about 6 months before we started dating. We went out on a first date, he was lovely. We went back to his chatted, watched a film and we slept together (Which wasn't planned and I don't normally do that)
    We then started to see each other once a week. He is a Police officer so he works all different shifts. I would go round his house we would watch a film. I asked him if he wanted to go out and everytime he said he wanted to stay in. I thought this was because of his shifts he was tired but as time went on he stopped messaging me back and then when I asked why he hasn't texted me back after two days he said he was busy with work. I started feeling crappy because it seemed he wasn't making any effort with me and getting really lazy, just expecting me to go round his house watch tv and have sex. He even got lazy in the bedroom. He would initiate sex and then make no effort.

    I messaged him and after two days of not hearing from him. I got annoyed and frustrated. I messaged him saying 'Do you want to continue dating or do you want to call it a day as I don't know where I stand with you?' He messaged me back just saying he was busy with work. So I left it as that. I messaged him two days later asking how he was and how was work? Again, nothing. I didn't like they way he was making me feel so I messaged him saying 'i hope there are no hard feelings and I hope we can be friend's'. Surprise surprise, nothing back from him.

    I know I was pretty harsh but dating him was making me turn into a psycho. I have never been that way in the past with a guy if they didn't message me back. And to feel like this whilst we was dating, I thought it's not right. I wasn't asking the world, I just wanted him to communicate with me. It was like hitting my head against a brick wall

    My friend said to me he's been really hurt in the past by past relationships so he's closed off.

    It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about this guy. I've been in long term relationships before and when they ended I've never obsessed about someone like I do with this guy. What the he'll is wrong with me? Why am I obsessing?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sophielove111

    My friend said to me he's been really hurt in the past by past relationships so he's closed off.
    I seriously doubt that that's why he hasn't contacted you.
    You slept with him on the first date and it appears that's the one and only date you had. From there you became his bed buddy.
    The signs were all there. . .you just accounted for all of them.
    Why didn't you bail earlier when he refused to go out and only wanted to do `indoor activities' with you?

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    Why didn't you bail earlier when he refused to go out and only wanted to do `indoor activities' with you?[/QUOTE]

    Because I'm an idiot.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sophielove111
    Why didn't you bail earlier when he refused to go out and only wanted to do `indoor activities' with you?
    Because I'm an idiot.[/QUOTE]

    This is a valuable lesson.
    Have some standards. Believe you deserve them.
    Be prepared to act on them.
    You staying long enough for him to dump you when you should have cut him off at the first signs he was just using you.

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Because I'm an idiot.
    This is a valuable lesson.
    Have some standards. Believe you deserve them.
    Be prepared to act on them.
    You staying long enough for him to dump you when you should have cut him off at the first signs he was just using you.[/QUOTE]

    It is a very valuable lesson. Because he was my friends friend, I thought he wouldn't use me. How wrong was I. I think I'm obsessing, not because of him because of the situation. Letting myself be used.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sophielove111
    This is a valuable lesson.
    Have some standards. Believe you deserve them.
    Be prepared to act on them.
    You staying long enough for him to dump you when you should have cut him off at the first signs he was just using you.
    It is a very valuable lesson. Because he was my friends friend, I thought he wouldn't use me. How wrong was I. I think I'm obsessing, not because of him because of the situation. Letting myself be used.[/QUOTE]

    No doubt the realization that you had a hand in hurting yourself is really uncomfortable.
    That coupled with the disappointment of a man who won't return your phone call must be really tough.
    As uncomfortable as this is, again, it's a really valuable lesson you can take with you and promise yourself to not let it happen again.
    It takes a hit to your self esteem.
    Shake it off and give it some time.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Boy you dont take hints easily. This guy saw you as a f*ck buddy and now he's not interested. Stop pestering him, leave him alone, and learn from this.

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    You weren't used, you wanted sex too that's why you did it?

    Lesson learnt, just do outdoor activities and don't be watching a movie at guys houses without knowing them well.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's a tool. Just delete and block him. It's him, not you. It wasn't dating for him, it was more a netflix and chill situation. You can do better than this guy.
    Originally Posted by sophielove111
    I asked him if he wanted to go out and everytime he said he wanted to stay in.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Boy you dont take hints easily. This guy saw you as a f*ck buddy and now he's not interested. Stop pestering him, leave him alone, and learn from this.
    I'm not pestering him!? I told him we can be friend's and that was that!

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