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Thread: I met someone that reminds me so much of an ex

  1. #1
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    I met someone that reminds me so much of an ex

    I met this guy from a dating app and we talked absolutely crazy amounts for two weeks, then met up. The in person transition was extremely effortless and I really felt like I already knew him and chemistry was instantaneous.

    Throughout the night, it occurred to me more and more that he reminded me of this ex from my early 20's whom I really loved. We ended due to circumstantial issues so it wasn't like he was a bad guy or we weren't good together.

    His voice, way of speaking, personality, smile, looks and physical physique really made me do a double take. He is even the same height! It was like he was just an older version of them.

    I had a couple of thoughts almost like is this is some sort of joke, like they've come back in a diff form with a new hotshot career and a different name. For a while after we broke up, I def saw him as the one that got away.

    So this is really a strange feeling. The nerves I felt with this person after a while and attraction feels familiar too. I don't really get nervous around guys normally, nor feel attraction.

    He texted me when I got in my Uber and we chatted after I got home. He told me he liked me haha. How do I separate these two people. O_O this guy is really awesome, I feel pretty excited. This is the first guy in over a year I'm truly intrigued about.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Make déjà vu your friend and enjoy the next date with this guy.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It doesn't sound like you know the new guy very well so you may be in for a few surprises and falls flat on your face if you continue not to see what's in front of you but be distracted by the memory of someone else. I'd say stay tuned and enjoy the company but be aware that this is a different person. The last thing you need is saying someone else's name when you're in bed with a new guy.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Have fun and enjoy it, while at the same time try to be logical about the attraction. This similarity could blind you to things you should otherwise be paying attention to in the early dating phase.

    Just keep reminding yourself, he's not your ex bf.

    It's good practice to sometimes separate your head from your heart.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I know he seems like your ex's long lost twin, however, remind yourself this guy is his own person. He just happens to be very similar to your ex, that's all. He's a different guy so appreciate and respect him for it. NEVER accidentally blurt out your ex's name to this new guy in your life otherwise you could lose him! Be careful!

    Since this new guy is awesome, have a good time, establish a great friendship with him, learn his personality and character thoroughly first. Even though physical appearances may remind you of your ex, know that people are really very different on the inside so concentrate on his character first and foremost because character is what is most enduring, not looks.

    If he works out for you, hope he's not the one that got away. Good luck!

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Not long ago you’d posted about how, after a few dates with a new person, you found yourself thinking about what I’m thinking is the same ex. So here we are, with a new person stirring thoughts of the old person.

    It happens. Many of us, I think, have a big, formative relationship in our 20s that fogs the lens for a good while. Seems he is yours. Add in the dash of toxicity you’d mentioned in previous threads, and it just takes a good minute to get it all out of our system.

    How to separate them? Well, that’s easy. This is a totally new person who has literally nothing to do with your ex. You are the connective tissue there, not him. Remind yourself of that, that these feelings are your own past surfacing not him. And if you’re struggling to see and feel that—well, it either means this isn’t the guy for you or that you still need a minute to shake off those cobwebs.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Not long ago you’d posted about how, after a few dates with a new person, you found yourself thinking about what I’m thinking is the same ex. So here we are, with a new person stirring thoughts of the old person. It happens.
    And it's to be expected. Remind yourself of that.

    Every time you engage someone in a romantic way, say holding their hand. .you will have that tactile memory come back. Going to dinner . . you did that with an ex. Kissing, you will compare them to someone else.

    Don't give it any more meaning than it deserves.

    When we go dancing, the way we were accustomed to dancing comes back to us. . Until we learn do it differently.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Yup^^.

    These little shadow memories hover about, sometimes getting stirred, something getting eclipsed, something just fading. Doesn’t need to be overwhelming, just accepted.

  10. #9
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    No this is someone else lol. That ex was not a good bf, while this ex was really wonderful. We just had to break up.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I know he seems like your ex's long lost twin, however, remind yourself this guy is his own person. He just happens to be very similar to your ex, that's all. He's a different guy so appreciate and respect him for it. NEVER accidentally blurt out your ex's name to this new guy in your life otherwise you could lose him! Be careful!

    Since this new guy is awesome, have a good time, establish a great friendship with him, learn his personality and character thoroughly first. Even though physical appearances may remind you of your ex, know that people are really very different on the inside so concentrate on his character first and foremost because character is what is most enduring, not looks.

    If he works out for you, hope he's not the one that got away. Good luck!
    This guy is very attractive but since I talked to him so much and in this very in-depth way, I already have a good idea on his personality and how he is inside. Obviously he's still a stranger but not too much of one cos we chatted so deeply. I actually started to forget his looks and focused only on his personality, but when I met him it's like the whole package that's pretty great atmo lol. But I know everyone has flaws of course.

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