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Thread: How should I follow through?

  1. #1
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    How should I follow through?

    Hello all - Iíll try to be as concise as possible. Apologies if it feels long.

    I went on a date Monday night in Boston. It was our first time meeting up.

    Iíve been on a lot of dates, but I have to say Itís been a long while that I felt a rush of adrenaline (or goosebumps, or whatever you want to call it) like that night, not to mention on a first date. Been way too long. Rarely happens. There was something about her. Date went very well, but had to cut it a bit short because of her 6am work next day.

    The fact that sheís consuming my mind 3 days later, says something. That doesnít happen often.

    Anyway, to the tricky part.

    She lives in Boston (just started doing a 4 year hospital residency). I visit Boston every once in a while for friends and work. Weíre also both from Europe, which is where our ďhomeĒ is, and where I live 80% of the year, and where she goes back to family. Currently Iím in Chicago, and traveling back on Tuesday.

    We spoke on the phone for a few minutes after the date (called her to make sure she got home), but nothing since. I want to spend more time with her getting to know her. I wouldnít mind postponing my travel date, and switching my city of departure to Boston (instead of the current Chicago). Realistically, the next time Iím in Boston will be quite sometime.

    Not sure what my next step is. Planning to call her to say hi later today. Iíd like to tell her that I want to get to know her more and Iíd wanna postpone my flight, or fly to Boston to see her, just donít know how that sounds - a little needy. Not sure how sheíd take it.

    Iím not saying sheís the one (or maybe she is), but sheís definitely on my mind. How should I go about it from here.

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    How did you meet and why did you ask her out? LDRs have a high risk of failure when it starts as an LDR, versus a long term relationship that has to turn into an LDR for school or work, temporarily.

    You can have chemistry with thousands of people in the world. It's just biological. It can happen, of course, in travels. It's happened to me and many people I know in their travels, but to me, I saw it as nothing that could be turned into a serious relationship.

    I've always stuck to local dating, because it's cheaper and I prefer regular companionship in 3D instead of being virtual pen pals.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I agree with Andrina. The geography is against you. What you're feeling is a flurry of hormones and infatuation. But it's not likely to lead to anything other than a penpal relationship and an occasional visit. I think you should try to find someone closer to home. Surely Chicago is full of eligible women!

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    This sounds like classic Long Distance Syndrome - having all of the fantasy (most-amazing-ever) while knowing there is little chance of ever having to deal with the realities of a real relationship. Chicago is a big city, so seeking someone in Boston supports that theory.

    Anyway, it is best to be upfront by acknowledging the distance, find out how she feels about that and both of you deciding if staying in contact and future meetings will work for her and you.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    How did you meet and why did you ask her out? LDRs have a high risk of failure when it starts as an LDR, versus a long term relationship that has to turn into an LDR for school or work, temporarily......
    I sadly agree with you on LDR. Never been a fan of them. Hate them if anything. But given how my local dating experience has been, Iíve been more open to other things hoping it pays off in the end.



    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I agree with Andrina. The geography is against you. What you're feeling is a flurry of hormones and infatuation. But it's not likely to lead to anything other than a penpal relationship and an occasional visit. I think you should try to find someone closer to home. Surely Chicago is full of eligible women!
    Iíd love to find someone close to home, but my local dating experience hasnít been the best. Ive been on many. But it usually falls off by 3rd or 4th date, either my side or hers. Thatís why Iím now open for other types, if I feel it lays off in the end.



    Originally Posted by James516
    This sounds like classic Long Distance Syndrome - having all of the fantasy (most-amazing-ever) while knowing there is little chance of ever having to deal with the realities of a real relationship. Chicago is a big city, so seeking someone in Boston supports that theory.......
    Agreed. Probably see where she stands and what she thinks of the whole thing.

    Frkn LDRs
    Last edited by lmasterz; 08-15-2019 at 11:54 AM.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    LDRs have a high risk of failure when it starts as an LDR, versus a long term relationship that has to turn into an LDR for school or work, temporarily.
    I agree. I think the odds are massively against you from the beginning here.

    Also, I think it's going to come off as weird if after one meeting you tell her you're going to start re-arranging flights etc for her. You'll come on too strong and probably scare her off.

    Unfortunately, I think the best thing to do here is to let her go. It will probably save you a whole load of headache.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Text and tell her you had a great time,etc. mention that next time you're in town you would like to meet up again. Then see how she responds before you start talking about cancelling/changing reservations etc. (way too much after one date).

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    but my local dating experience hasnít been the best. Ive been on many. But it usually falls off by 3rd or 4th date, either my side or hers.

    This is totally normal. After my first marriage ended, do you know how many guys I had to meet, most ending on the first date, with some lasting longer, before I met my future husband? 30 (most on OLD)

    When you think about it, it's more rare to meet someone who shares chemistry with you, and then over time you see that you're compatible in all of the other major areas. That normally takes time, and a lot of sifting through sand to find the treasure.

    If you need to expand on places to meet single women your age, some ideas are: Meetup.com, co-ed sports team, volunteer work at a zoo or museum or Habitat for Humanity or environmental cleanups. Good luck.

  10. #9
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    Do you think she felt the same way about the date? If so, go for it.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Text and tell her you had a great time,etc. mention that next time you're in town you would like to meet up again. Then see how she responds before you start talking about cancelling/changing reservations etc. (way too much after one date).
    We both had a good time. She even mentioned next time im in town weíll definitely meet up. So not really too worried about that.

    Just wondering how to do the approach, and how practical/rational it would be on the long run.

    Originally Posted by Andrina
    but my local dating experience hasnít been the best. Ive been on many. But it usually falls off by 3rd or 4th date, either my side or hers.

    This is totally normal. After my first marriage ended, do you know how many guys I had to meet, most ending on the first date, with some lasting longer, before I met my future husband? 30 (most on OLD)

    When you think about it, it's more rare to meet someone who shares chemistry with you, and then over time you see that you're compatible in all of the other major areas. That normally takes time, and a lot of sifting through sand to find the treasure.

    If you need to expand on places to meet single women your age, some ideas are: Meetup.com, co-ed sports team, volunteer work at a zoo or museum or Habitat for Humanity or environmental cleanups. Good luck.
    Yes, Iím aware. Many say that. I know Iíve definitely met more than 15, maybe closer to 20. So Iím getting there. She just had most of the qualities I look for in a woman. And felt the feeling was mutual

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