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Thread: Goal Oriented

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Jetta's Avatar
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    Goal Oriented

    And I'm achieving most of them. But unless I'm striving towards something I feel stagnate. I have boring goals like pay down debt. Lose weight, etc.

    I have an apartment things are going well. I just got a different car. I'm trying to learn to invest, I want a better future.

    I am disabled, work part time, pursuing dreams, have a couple things on the burner musically, a cowrite, a contest, and going to record a song that's someone elses song.

    My weight loss goal has hit a rough patch. I'm working on incorporating exercise, but haven't really. I started investing instead of gambling, but it's not as thrilling. Lot of hurry up and wait.

    I'm trying to figure out what I want most and go for it. My case manager is impressed, I've achieved so much since she's met me. But I think I need to define success. I'm not there yet, but I really don't know what would make me feel successful. A hit song? Money to burn? Success to me is more than money, it's achievement.

    My aunt just died. She achieved. 3 businesses, a college education Dean's list. A happy marriage (2nd one) but yet even her life had struggles. I'm wondering if she ever felt successful, will never get to ask. One business I wish I could take over, but I don't really know much except I like the business, her daughter inherited it all.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Well... the problem with $$ vs achievement/feeling fulfilled is that people tend to quantify fulfillment and that's where $$ becomes synonymous with achievement. Fulfillment or happiness is not always quantifiable but we still try to measure success. It's an easier concept to grasp and very linear/basic for the human brain. To each his/her own. I'm not very big on either/or (money or achievements) because it places too much emphasis on an end goal when the end may not turn out as we intend in the first place. I'm all about growth, positive growth and transformations, empowerment and self-actualization, sort of the "doing" and the journey.

    Is it possible you might feel like you're comparing yourself to others? It's ok and it's normal every now and then. We're social creatures. I'm sorry to hear about your aunt.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You're smart to invest / save instead of gambling which is foolhardy IMHO.

    Try not to make your goals too big otherwise they're overwhelming and you'll quit before goals are met. Take baby steps and make your goals smaller, one goal at a time which is more realistic.

    Goals encompass so much such as fitness, good health, weight loss, monetary gains, prosperity, relationship success and it runs the gamut.

    Success is so much including finding inner peace within your soul and being at a good place in your life overall.

    Some people are spiritual, others are immersed into their religious faith. People go in all sorts of directions to find themselves, do soul searching and find peace at the center from within.

    I'm sorry for your loss regarding your aunt. I'm sure she achieved a lot in her life, however, I've learned that everyone had curves thrown at them. We're either victims or we triumph over our own battles any way we can.

    Only you can define what is the meaning of your goals, success or achievement. Everyone has so many different answers. Some people say it's personal happiness, financial security, being with the right person, having a smooth life, good health and basics for a content life.

    Your and other people's definitions of success, goals and achievement may vary.

    I hope you'll find your meaning regarding your goals, success and achievements, Jetta.

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    I would break success and goals down into baby steps. That way you will accomplish "goals" albeit not the grand ones you have in mind.

    I'm sorry about the loss of your Aunt! My Aunt is very goal oriented and successful too. But I'm not sure why it would surprise you in the least that successful people and people who meet goals have struggles. Of course they do. With extremely rare exception. In fact many appreciate their successes even more because of the struggles. My personal goals vary a lot -lots of different categories, including being as excellent as possible at parenting, at my job, doing volunteer work, developing new close friendships (that's long term of course!), being a good wife and improving on that all the time (and same with parenting -I make goals for myself at being a better parent), speaking in a calm way, daily exercise and lately my goal is to cut back on sweets, especially the post-dinner nibbling while I make my son's lunch and snack for the next day.

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    Well, the way I see it is that goals are personal. One person's goal may not be the same as someone else's, therefore success in achieving the goals can't be measured in the same way. E.g. if my goal was never to become financially rich or successful, then it doesn't mean I haven't achieved financial success for me personally because I wasn't actually trying to do that. My goal was always to help people, so I have always worked in community services/welfare. However it's a low pay industry so money wise I am not successful. But my goal was never around money, it was about the work itself. So I have achieved MY goal.

    I think that maybe you should think about your core values, interests and passions. What makes YOU happy? What do YOU enjoy? I don't think your goals are boring but maybe they're not really that personal to you? I mean, you did say that you're not sure yet how to define success or what would make you feel successful. I know that we tend to think of success as primarily financial, such as good career, house, money, for some people marriage and family. These are just societal expectations though. Do those things genuinely make you happy? If so, go for it!

    When we talk about goals, I think the goals should be YOURS. You have to set them. It sounds to me a bit like you're trying to use "cookie cut" ideas about success and you're basing your goals around that. I think the best way to set goals is think of your own things that are really important to you.

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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well, the way I see it is that goals are personal. One person's goal may not be the same as someone else's, therefore success in achieving the goals can't be measured in the same way. E.g. if my goal was never to become financially rich or successful, then it doesn't mean I haven't achieved financial success for me personally because I wasn't actually trying to do that. My goal was always to help people, so I have always worked in community services/welfare. However it's a low pay industry so money wise I am not successful. But my goal was never around money, it was about the work itself. So I have achieved MY goal.

    I think that maybe you should think about your core values, interests and passions. What makes YOU happy? What do YOU enjoy? I don't think your goals are boring but maybe they're not really that personal to you? I mean, you did say that you're not sure yet how to define success or what would make you feel successful. I know that we tend to think of success as primarily financial, such as good career, house, money, for some people marriage and family. These are just societal expectations though. Do those things genuinely make you happy? If so, go for it!

    When we talk about goals, I think the goals should be YOURS. You have to set them. It sounds to me a bit like you're trying to use "cookie cut" ideas about success and you're basing your goals around that. I think the best way to set goals is think of your own things that are really important to you.
    Yes I agree with this and I gave my personal examples just as a guideline - hopefully didn't come across at all as "shoulds"

  8. #7
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well, the way I see it is that goals are personal. One person's goal may not be the same as someone else's, therefore success in achieving the goals can't be measured in the same way. E.g. if my goal was never to become financially rich or successful, then it doesn't mean I haven't achieved financial success for me personally because I wasn't actually trying to do that. My goal was always to help people, so I have always worked in community services/welfare. However it's a low pay industry so money wise I am not successful. But my goal was never around money, it was about the work itself. So I have achieved MY goal.

    I think that maybe you should think about your core values, interests and passions. What makes YOU happy? What do YOU enjoy? I don't think your goals are boring but maybe they're not really that personal to you? I mean, you did say that you're not sure yet how to define success or what would make you feel successful. I know that we tend to think of success as primarily financial, such as good career, house, money, for some people marriage and family. These are just societal expectations though. Do those things genuinely make you happy? If so, go for it!

    When we talk about goals, I think the goals should be YOURS. You have to set them. It sounds to me a bit like you're trying to use "cookie cut" ideas about success and you're basing your goals around that. I think the best way to set goals is think of your own things that are really important to you.
    I agree with this! OP if you want to have goals that make you happy, you need to get in touch with your long term vision for you life... what's important to you, how you want to feel, what your values are, what excites you. Create goals that will align with those values and whenever possible do activities that lead to your goals.

    One thing to note is that while everyone has extrinsic goals, true motivation comes from our intrinsic values. Why is money important to you? What does success really mean to you? What does success look like / feel like for you?

    I love the above about doing what motivates you internally and how you have defined success for yourself. I define success as being open to trying new things, following my dreams, having balance, being in good health, being the best friend/partner/co-worker/citizen I can be, feeling freedom (financially, emotionally, mentally) and if my choices are aligning with those values, in my mind I am achieving success.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by maew
    I define success as being open to trying new things, following my dreams, having balance, being in good health, being the best friend/partner/co-worker/citizen I can be, feeling freedom (financially, emotionally, mentally) and if my choices are aligning with those values, in my mind I am achieving success.
    I relate to this...
    But sometimes I fail terribly - bad day at work, disagreements with spouse, something broke in the house, someone has a complaint about something I'm already working on, trying something new and realizing I've discovered a new way to embarrass myself because I'm just not cut out for it..

    I think tempering our goals and accomplishments or successes with some room for not so great/blooper moments is probably a good thing. Leaving room for change and understanding that not everything happens according to plan helps. Finding new ways and better ways to feel enriched and rewarded feels good. I've usually always had a rough idea of where I wanted to go and I am ok making up the rules or finding out new proper ways of doing things and finding out new things as I go along. Be kind to yourself along the way and I'd go with the intrinsic values and beliefs guide that Maew mentioned.


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