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Thread: Trying to see the big picture without being depressed about it...Advice?

  1. #1
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    Trying to see the big picture without being depressed about it...Advice?

    Hey everyone, hope you're all doing well.

    Long story short...

    The last few years has been what I consider the worst times of my life. in September 2015 my partner of over 8 years decided to leave me for a guy who she ended up marrying a year later. It threw my whole world upside down, as all these dreams & goals that we had together (or thought we had made) just blew up in my face, & I was pretty much left to pick up the pieces of my now shattered life. I know this might sound childish, but I was so emotionally invested in this person for so long and now I found myself single again, & having to literally reset my life at 31.

    Looking back now at 35, I saw it as an opportunity to get to know me again & really think about what I really want in my life & how I want to live, but yeah t's been a very heart aching, painful, emotionally draining process for me...and I'm still in the process kind of, I'm in a much better place emotionally now.

    That being said, I decided that I wanted to be debt by April next year, so I've been working a full time warehouse job to help me achieve that which is keeping that goal on track.

    The reason I've been feeling depressed a lot lately is because im 35 years old, I've never travelled the world outside of Australia (which is where i'm from), I don't even have a passport. I'm pretty much putting everything I make to paying off my debts by April next year so I can be debt free.

    I've been trying to avoid social media, seeing everybody (including my ex), who seemingly be having a great time travelling all around the world, while I'm just trying to get myself out of debt & get my life back...I've made so many hard sacrifices in the last few years & sometimes feel like is it all been worth it? I'm really yearning to quit my job, pack my bags and start travelling the world. But at the same time, I have this other yearning to be in a position where I will be 100% debt free by April next year which will put me in a debt free lifestyle position, where I guess i'd be able to have more money for travelling and more freedom to do it. (I only have my car loan left to pay off.)

    And I also plan to moving interstate next year to Adelaide South Australia, which I really love too...the rent is much cheaper than Sydney (where I am now), it's more relaxing & I feel I can get ahead much faster there...and plus I really miss living there too, & given all that has happened in the last few years with my ex, my finances etc...all this happened in Sydney where I am now, so I feel I need to change states. So my current plan is to just stick it out with my job until April next, i'll be completely debt free by then, then I can resign from that job & leave for Adelaide around July, & start travelling after I leave my job in April.

    Right now I guess I'm feeling very anxious & impatient bcoz its been a long time to be at this point where I am so close to being debt free & moving away. And as bad as I want to travel right now, which I cud if i really want to, I keep having the same thought in my mind saying to me "Just stay the course, stay focused on being debt free in April. Travelling the world debt free will be much sweeter than travelling with debt."

    I know there's tonnes of debates out there about debt free travelling lifestyle vs travelling while in debt. For me personally, this is not just financial baggage im letting go of, its emotional baggage too from 2015. I really do love the idea of living a debt free lifestyle, no mortgage, no car payments etc...deep down i know my gut is telling me to keep my eyes on the main goal which is freedom of debt which will lead to lots of travel. And I don't want to be in a position where I have to work like a dog in some job to pay off the travel that I did a year ago.

    Since my car loan is the only debt I have left, by cutting back on nice things, clothes, travelling etc, until April next year, I'll have it all paid off 20 months earlier, which I guess would be 20 months gained for travelling the world debt free...and i'll also have the money I need to move back to Adelaide by July as well. In the meantime now, I've just been sticking to that plan, & actually planning my travelling, looking at prices etc ahead of time & just deciding where I would love to start my debt free travel lifestyle, which has been lifting my spirits.

    But yeah, I'm trying to stay focused on the main goal & not let myself feel depressed or tricked into travelling right now just because I'm seeing people on social media doing it. I guess it's only 6 months until I'm debt free, and what's a another 6 months to achieve a debt free life for travel? How many people out there could say that right?


    If anyone out there could shed some light on this that would be great. :-) I'm sorry for blabbering on...


    Love you guys!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Hi, I'm from Sydney too, so I understand the expensive rent.
    Im a lot older than you, but I have been divorced, after being married for 17 yrs & its very scary suddenly being on your own.
    I'm also paying off my car loan as quickly as possible to be debt free too. I'm looking forward to that time.
    I have a budget in Excel that goes for 2 years, so I can see my debt going down & my savings going up. Its a very good incentive to keep you on track.
    All I can say is stick with your goal to pay off your debts. You will enjoy your travelling a lot more without the added stress of making loan payments.
    Best wishes for the future

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Now's a good time to put in your passport application. Don't do it in 2020, the year you are traveling. Social media is a bit deceiving as people in general post enhanced photos of themselves or their lifestyles which may or may not really be a representation of their actual life. What you're seeing are pieces of a life that may or may not actually be a person's living reality. I'd suggest unplugging for your mental health and start getting back to your roots. Engage in real hobbies outside of social media and start connecting one on one with people face to face at a shop, at the local deli, at the beach and looking into upgrading things around your house or your with your car. You don't have to spend a lot of money to detail your own car or replace things in your house or apartment that need replacing.

    I feel like you may be a bit too hungry for the travel there and it's coming from an unstable place. Even it out and level out that jittery feeling. Take it easy, pick berries, go for a late night movie by yourself at the theatre, make waffles and eat it in bed for no reason, chat up an old friend, get into someone else's head and hear someone else's thoughts/different perspectives, check up on upcoming meteor showers and catch them in the dead of night. There's lots to do besides travel. Debt free will happen as long as you stick to your plan. Now just take care of you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Listen to your head and always remain pragmatic. Take care of your debts, pay them off and become debt free which will be a huge relief and the most intelligent route to take.

    I'm sorry about your heartbreak and I hope time will heal your wounds.

    Don't even think of traveling right now. Be smart with your money, pay off debts, save your money, continue working hard, keep your nose to the grindstone and never lose focus. You'll thank yourself later.

    Don't be tempted to travel now nor make foolhardy decisions such as spending your hard money frivolously and indulgently. Save your money like crazy. Be wise! Put your head on straight and use common sense.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I mean between now and April is really but a few months. Stay on track and get that off your back. What you are pondering is a lot like quitting the race just before the finish line. Don't do that to yourself. Besides, you'll really hate yourself later on when once again, you see other people around you debt free, carefree, with extra $ in their pocket and you can't go with them because....debt. Get your finances in order, then travel in peace. Makes a huge difference. Without that, your travel experiences will be just another cause for more depression and feeling less than.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I agree with the good folks above. It's never a good idea to compare yourself with anyone else. Instead, challenge yourself to create your own private rewards for keeping your eyes on your own paper. One help in forming goals is to ask yourself 'why'? If you envision posting flashy pictures, take your 'why' question beyond that, and shoot for the stuff that brings you internal satisfaction.

    There are no judges and juries when it comes to our own personal goals, so nobody else gets a vote. People who are obsessed with posting online to get recognition will always operate from an external lens of showing off. That's a lens that healthy people outgrow in adolescence as they learn how to explore and develop their own private passions. So explore those passions to bring more joy into your everyday life. This will allow you to enjoy your progress. It won't make your goal of a move less attainable, it will fortify your resilience and aid your development of life skills that you can take with you wherever you opt to live.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I agree with all the advice, but I have to say there is a little part of me that wants to tell you that you need to reward yourself for something, somehow.

    I am sorry about the breakup and life change. I commend you for your goals and it really is just around the corner. `eyes on the prize'

    But given what you've been through, coupled with things that you are denying yourself, is there something you can do for yourself.. .that brings your joy or something to look forward to that doesn't set you back financially?

    I think having just kept your head down, powering through a difficult break up and saving all this money has caused you to lose your spark some.

    Is there a compromise here?

  9. #8
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    I do admit ive been trying to keep my head down and get my life back on track...but yes i do feel its made me lose some of my spark so to speak. Ive been running on empty for so long and just trying to do watever i can to lift ny spirits.
    Ive actually decided that i want to start travelling after im debt free in April, so ive book an international cruise which I've never done, and that will be in Feb just before im debt free, but i need to hav it paid by Dec 1st, so ill be able to do that and still stay on track with ny debt free goal...im just trying to focus on the cruise to keep up my spirits. And also ive been planning trips after the cruise too, and slowly wanna get canera gear for my photography which i want to do alongside my travelling...🙃 butvyeh its tough


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