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Thread: Is it okay to come second to the bros?

  1. #1

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    Is it okay to come second to the bros?

    My boyfriend and I are in a new relationship so I don't want to stress the little things. I just need some clarity and advice.

    I've been traveling for about a month and am returning this weekend. My boyfriend offered to come pick up from the airport and help me move in to my new apartment. And voiced concerns about me being jetlagged and driving. Which was all great and amazing and made me feel happy. However, when I talked to him again about the specifics he said he overextended himself this coming weekend with friends, family, and me. He sounded very overwhelmed. I didn't want to feel like an errand or obligation so I told him to not worry about me and that I can manage on my own and we can raincheck the move-in date night. However, with his friends they didn't have any concrete plans and none of them were responding to his messages. They also had a month of hanging out and seeing each other and, I'm coming home from abroad. This also isn't the first time that i felt a little sad to come second to the bros.

    I understand that our relationship is relatively new and him and his friends have a long history. But is it okay to feel a little hurt or am I just being overly emotional? Should I have handled the situation differently and not stepped back?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Get friends and family to get you from airports and help you move. This guy sounds unreliable and not that interested. How old is he? He sounds a bit immature/flaky.

  3. #3
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    Your post doesnít make sense?
    You went travelling for a month and the day you land you are moving into a new place???

    From where to where?

    He doesnít want you driving while jet lagged? So your car is at the airport? Doesnít make sense for someone to pick you up and leave your car there???

    Where are you going to when you land? Your old place? Or the place you are moving into?

    Sorry, I donít understand your point at all?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He prioritizes his friends over you. You'd better grow accustomed to it. Over time, question if he's worth keeping as a boyfriend since you're not first in his life. You are secondary. Give him a few more months and if he doesn't get his act together, then decide if you want to continue having a relationship with him or not.

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  6. #5
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    Don't tell him it's fine and you can do it on your own if you're going to resent him for not helping you. That's not really fair, is it?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Seems like you are more interested in him than he is in you. I agree there's not enough details in your post, where is your car? Are you moving the day you get back? A bit more context could help but in general the bros do seem to come first.

  8. #7
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Your post doesnít make sense?
    You went travelling for a month and the day you land you are moving into a new place???

    From where to where?

    He doesnít want you driving while jet lagged? So your car is at the airport? Doesnít make sense for someone to pick you up and leave your car there???

    Where are you going to when you land? Your old place? Or the place you are moving into?

    Sorry, I donít understand your point at all?
    You're right. It doesn't make sense. She's willing to leave her car at the airport and pay the parking fee because her boyfriend offered to pick her up? That's nonsense.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sounds like you are dating a people pleaser, so this is what that looks like. He says yes to everyone, friends, you, fam, etc. Then he finds himself in a situation where he can't actually be in ten places at the same time.

    Anyway, he didn't prioritize bros over you. You actually opted to step back because he sounded tired and overextended. He didn't cancel his plans with you, YOU did that to yourself. Now you resent him over your own choice to step back and cancel? Sorry but you are the one playing games here and messing about. You don't get to blame other people for your own choices, actions, and decisions. He didn't ask you to step back, he didn't cancel on you. You did. Get your head screwed on straight and don't blame your bf or his friends.

  10. #9
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    He told you he would do something, then went back on his word. This is your future with this guy. You can act on this red flag, or not.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    He told you he would do something, then went back on his word. This is your future with this guy. You can act on this red flag, or not.
    Yep. It makes no sense to offer to do something--for anyone--only to back out last minute. That's a lousy character trait regardless of who he ditches his commitments in favor of.

    You didn't ask for a favor, he offered. So how will you be able to trust that this guy will stand by his 'offers' going forward? Observe carefully.

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