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Thread: The Non-Texter...Is he interested?

  1. #21
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    My thoughts are, it takes more than two dates to indicate genuine interest (as in a committed relationship), imo. On the other hand, until when/if that were to happen, you're both free agents.

    At this point, I would slow down and avoid jumping the gun.
    Last edited by HeartGoesOn; 08-12-2019 at 04:37 PM.

  2. #22
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    I've had very high interest after the first date!

    Commitment?

    That takes much more than just "interest" imo. Like mutually-felt deep feelings, leading to love, or actually being in love, and yeah that takes way more than two dates.

    One step at a time.

  3. #23
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I know a few people in my life who simply are not into texting. They're also not into messaging, emails, social media or electronic correspondence in general. They don't like it. At the very least, they prefer old-fashioned phone calls / chats and even then they're not always good about checking their voicemails either. I know it's frustrating in this Information Age.

    Long ago, before the Internet and cell phones, my husband and I dated the old-fashioned way and only relied on phone chats, however, I didn't over do it with calling him because it wasn't my way and he wasn't a talker either. We made it work in other ways because whenever we were together, that's when we made up for lost time, had great conversations and fabulous times together. You can, too with your guy.

    My thoughts are to make the best of your situation. Do things the old-fashioned way since it's what works for you and him. Write down everything you want to say to him the next time you see him in person. Discuss at length then. In some ways, not bombarding him with electronic communication will keep your relationship fresh and prevent it from becoming too familiar and stale.

    If you really like him a lot, you do the best you can since he is the way he is. I agree with others. Never hound a man otherwise he'll lose interest in you quickly. Always remember to have an aura of mystery because men find that alluring. Remember, too much familiarity breeds contempt. Remain cool while kind. Back off.

    Change the way you think. You can make this work if you play your cards right.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Heather Dawn's Avatar
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    Do you actually have solid plans for the 3rd date (before you leave for vacation)? If so, don't worry about his lack of texts - just see how things go on the date; if not, then I'd agree that his lack of texting could indicate lack of interest (particularly now that you've slept together).

    And how long will you be on vacation? Is he going to be seeing other women while you're gone?

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  6. #25
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I've had very high interest after the first date!

    Commitment?

    That takes much more than just "interest" imo. Like mutually-felt deep feelings, leading to love, or actually being in love, and yeah that takes way more than two dates.

    One step at a time.
    Lovely. However, was this directed at my reply?

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by JClick20
    Thanks for the advice, everyone. I should add that this is the first guy that I've had multiple dates with since getting out of a 3-year relationship...so kind of new to the dating scene again. I have not been texting him..just reached out once last night to see how he was doing with all of the stuff he had to get done. Haven't texted him at all today, and will let him reach out to me when he's ready. I definitely don't text him much...I was just curious on everyone's opinions of it. Thanks for all of the advice!!!
    Then (responding to the bolded) why do you expect him to text back much. If you want to know how he is, just CALL him. Suggest plans for an additional date. If you have gone out two or three times, that's what i would do. Its not clingy to call a day or two after a date to suggest another date. Because at a certain point, a guy may be wondering why a woman seems interest but she hasn't started to initiate with him after he asked her on a few dates

  8. #27
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    That's enough dates lol and don't call him after two dates...It comes off extremely eager.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Then (responding to the bolded) why do you expect him to text back much. If you want to know how he is, just CALL him. Suggest plans for an additional date. If you have gone out two or three times, that's what i would do. Its not clingy to call a day or two after a date to suggest another date. Because at a certain point, a guy may be wondering why a woman seems interest but she hasn't started to initiate with him after he asked her on a few dates
    I agree and especially if you two have had sex -it kind of changes the "courting" dynamic a bit. You know he doesn't like texting so I'm not sure why you texted him and why you needed to know how he was doing (if an emergency or he was very sick/caring for an ill family member, sure!) - honestly at this stage it's unusual even to know those kind of details about "busy day" - let his best friend or his mom check in with him on small stuff like that -don't act too wifey IMO.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I get the feeling the guy's fine with texting to secure another date, and that it's not necessary to rather call. Not saying OP by any means can't or shouldn't, but just that she should bear in mind he could be equally apathetic to chit-chatting between dates. I'd accept that he most likely puts most or all his stake in their face-to-face time together.

    I'd also add that if texting really is a priority for you, OP, you're probably shooting yourself in the foot going for guys 15 years your senior. Honestly, even people our age (33) tend to gravitate exclusively to the efficiency factor of texting rather than the social. I'd go cougar-lite mode and hit up the campus if you really desire a dude who keeps his thumbs busy.

    And try not to fall back on excuses like how long it's been since your last relationship. You've got interpersonal common sense enough to rationally connect the dots regardless. Keep yourself busy and try not to overly invest in people who are essentially strangers.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JClick20
    Thanks for the advice, everyone. I should add that this is the first guy that I've had multiple dates with since getting out of a 3-year relationship...so kind of new to the dating scene again. I have not been texting him..just reached out once last night to see how he was doing with all of the stuff he had to get done. Haven't texted him at all today, and will let him reach out to me when he's ready. I definitely don't text him much...I was just curious on everyone's opinions of it. Thanks for all of the advice!!!
    Thanks for the added info it helps.

    Your last relationship started around 2017 so for it to be 3 years it had to have ended quite recently.

    You could possibly be rebounding right now, which would explain the instant attachment you’re attempting to gain. Also that last relationship went at warp speed where you two were living together after only
    6 months and you inserted yourself into his life, it seems maybe you are wanting more of the same. Relationships that start off at warp speed tend to burn out just as fast. Something to also keep mindful about.

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