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Thread: The Non-Texter...Is he interested?

  1. #11
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    J Click, Where are you?

  2. #12
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    Why not judge his interest by how often he wishes to see you and the quality of your time spent together?

    I mean can you not sense how "into you" he is when you're together, how much attention he gives you and the connection you share?

    From what you've written he appears to be very into you, after only two dates.

    Honestly, I don't get this need some people have to be texting ad nauseum in between dates; texting means jack ****, many people will text all day and night with little to no interest, to keep someone on the back-burner or just for kicks.

    That said, if you feel something's off during your dates, or you're getting the sense he's just not "all there" with you during your dates, or the connection is off, then that's different.

    Is this how you feel, that something just seems off or the connection isn't there?

    Frankly I find it difficult to believe that this anxiety you're feeling is all because he doesn't text in between dates, when everything else seems to be going so well on your actual dates, he's asking you out consistently, which is why I'm asking.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    So, I met this guy online last week. He asked me out to dinner Thursday night, and we had very little communication in between. We really hit it off, had some intense conversations and we closed the place down. He walked me home, kissed me, and invited me to a concert Saturday night. We briefly talked about texting, and he did say he was really horrible at it. Saturday night comes around, and we go to the concert. We have an amazing time, and he walks me home again. We had some drinks at my place, again followed by some pretty intense conversations till 3 am. I ended up sleeping with him, and he stayed the night. He hung around til almost noon Sunday. He told me several times he thought I was beautiful, and told me once while we were lounging around that he really liked me. I asked him why, and he gave me a list of reasons. He seems very in to me when we are together. I am getting ready to go on vacation for a week on Wednesday to see my family, and he did ask to see me again Tuesday night before I go.
    Why so needy OP? The guy has made a conscious effort to plan dates with you... not "hang out", not phone, not text but to actually take you on dates 3 times in the last week. This is fantastic and definitely a sign that he wants to see you and get to know you.

    First, I in fact think it's fabulous that he would rather spend time with you in person than spend time sending meaningless texts.
    Second, you are not... I repeat not.... in a relationship with this man. You are dating, you have been out twice, you barely know each other, therefore you should not expect or even need constant communication through any medium prior to your face to face dates. You need to maintain your independence and focus on doing whatever it is you did before you met him between the times you see each other.
    Third... slow your roll, right now you are coming across as a stage 5 clinger, and you will end up suffocating him before this relationship has a chance to blossom.

    Just chill. If you have anxiety, deal with it like an adult and self-soothe. Focus on being the person he was attracted to in the first place and build the momentum slowly... this is the fun part and should be enjoyable!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are very anxious he will meet and date others while you're way. There's not much this early on you can do about that. If you want to express that you're not dating others and wish to be exclusive, you can do that. It's been 2 dates. Enjoy your vacation. Do not text a lot while you're away. Send a photo or 2 with a brief hello type message.
    Originally Posted by JClick20
    I am getting ready to go on vacation for a week on Wednesday to see my family, and he did ask to see me again Tuesday night before I go.

    His account is still on the dating site, but he hasn't logged in for a few days, which wasn't typical of him before Saturday. I am hoping it's because he wants to see where this goes with me.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I agree with the other members for the most part but for your level of impatience and frustration, I wouldn't send any photos or initiate any texts during the vacation or going forward. Sorry. This is managing your levels of stress not pretending they don't exist. You've already tried enough. Leave it as it is and he can ask you out when you're back if he's really into you. Remember, you're also setting the tone for communications going forward. Don't be such a pushover.

    I normally don't hard ball like that but I'm reading your levels of... unfulfillment pretty clearly and I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. There very well could be a part of him that doesn't really think you're that hot to begin with (you may be good but not that good enough to pull him in). I'm reading that you've already tried hard enough and he's kind of annoying even. Pull back. I'm sure he'll reach out when he's feeling like it or when he misses you. This isn't the last guy on the planet either.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I agree with the other members for the most part but for your level of impatience and frustration, I wouldn't send any photos or initiate any texts during the vacation or going forward. Sorry. This is managing your levels of stress not pretending they don't exist. You've already tried enough. Leave it as it is and he can ask you out when you're back if he's really into you. Remember, you're also setting the tone for communications going forward. Don't be such a pushover.

    I normally don't hard ball like that but I'm reading your levels of... unfulfillment pretty clearly and I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. There very well could be a part of him that doesn't really think you're that hot to begin with (you may be good but not that good enough to pull him in). I'm reading that you've already tried hard enough and he's kind of annoying even. Pull back. I'm sure he'll reach out when he's feeling like it or when he misses you. This isn't the last guy on the planet either.
    Totally agree!

  8. #17
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    He told you he is not a texter --- so CALL him instead of texting him. he seems eager to go out with you and seems to follow through on the plans he makes with you. you haven't been seeing eachother long enough to communicate a lot during dates yet, anyways.

  9. #18
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    I must ask

    1) person sees other person has not logged into the dating site. Tries to interpret if it means they aren't looking for anyone else
    2) Therefore, now it shows YOU active on the site
    3) Other person might say "well, it looks like she is still looking at the dating site".

    I would stay off of it and CALL him and let him know you had a wonderful time and YOU suggest something for the next date. After a few dates, you know the one being pursued can actually suggest plans, right??

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    I must ask

    1) person sees other person has not logged into the dating site. Tries to interpret if it means they aren't looking for anyone else
    2) Therefore, now it shows YOU active on the site
    3) Other person might say "well, it looks like she is still looking at the dating site".

    I would stay off of it and CALL him and let him know you had a wonderful time and YOU suggest something for the next date. After a few dates, you know the one being pursued can actually suggest plans, right??
    I agree with abitbroken and gotta say, OP, what you describe seems quite contrived, not natural at all.

    What I have learned is that when it feels "right" - you both just know it, you both feel it, there is very little, if any, of these guessing games, over-thinking, or over-analyzing.

    Which leads me to think something is just "off" with either your connection after two dates, or you're just very insecure in general.

    And if it's your insecurities driving this ship, work on resolving those otherwise these same issues will arise again with the next guy you date.

    And for the love of Pete, don't gauge a man's interest level by how often he texts.

    Read these forums, texting doesn't mean a hill of beans in the grand scheme.

    It's how often a man actually wants to see you, spend time with you (in person) and the quality of your dates.

  11. #20

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    Thanks for the advice, everyone. I should add that this is the first guy that I've had multiple dates with since getting out of a 3-year relationship...so kind of new to the dating scene again. I have not been texting him..just reached out once last night to see how he was doing with all of the stuff he had to get done. Haven't texted him at all today, and will let him reach out to me when he's ready. I definitely don't text him much...I was just curious on everyone's opinions of it. Thanks for all of the advice!!!

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