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Thread: Lonely

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Would it be possible for you to volunteer as a foster parent for cat or dog rescues? Or other animal rescues?

    Before my beloved Golden Retriever passed away this year, she was woman's best friend after my other BFF, a childhood friend who fortunately remains local to my geography. I really connected with my great dog who was so quiet, calm, supremely intelligent, extremely well behaved and exercised self control to the likes I had never seen which puts humans to shame. She was the highest caliber akin to a 'Guide Dog' for the blind or disabled. She graced me with her devoted life.

    I know a lot of people respect dogs (or cats or other animals) more than people because unlike humans, they're predictable, give you loyalty and unconditional love like no other on this planet. A lot of people are not into people yet they connect on an intrinsic, inherent level with their pets. They have a soul and even though they can't talk to you, both of you understand each other intuitively. It's magical.

    I hope you can find this type of bond which is beautiful.
    Hi there, I do have a dog already and wouldn't want to foster anymore because she is a jealous dog lol. Pekingese. And I am actually watching a neighbor's dog who is a ball of energy and very exhausting lol. But I will keep this in mind.

  2. #22
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    I am trying to be a better self soother. I worry a lot. I do have a therapist where I get to vent but it's not the same as a friend. I am enjoying conversations on spirituality in this new group on facebook. I agree spirituality is a great thing to hold onto.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I'd be careful not to evaluate every prospect for growth as something that must 'feel good' or necessarily be fun when you first try it out. I'd make a list of the things that I love to do, and then I'd consider those activities as my rewards for each baby step I take toward stretching myself beyond my comforts.

    The reason for this is that the more you cater to limitations, the more those will expand until your world becomes so small, you're trapped inside a deeper hole to climb out of.

    Instead, I'd consider each stretch as something to be celebrated and pursued again, no matter how much anxiety was involved or no matter how uninspiring the experience. Growth involves growing into new experiences. Cutting those off whenever they don't bring insta-happiness would be the biggest mistake I'd avoid.

    Sometimes we need to move ourselves out of our own way in order to focus on making someone else's life a bit easier or more pleasurable, and in doing so, we end up gaining a sense of pride and value that is cumulative over time. So I'd invest in something meaningful to me as my election to be of service beyond myself, and sometimes that just involves showing up for someone else. Each time I do that, I'd indulge in a reward.

    I'd confide in my therapist, a family member or a friend to keep me accountable in showing up for my commitments, and I'd build some structure into my life. Consider that even people who love their jobs don't necessarily feel thrilled on Monday mornings while making the transition from weekend time to work time. I'd use that mindset to keep myself on track to perform the 'work' of expanding my commitments and showing up for those.

    Healing isn't something that happens 'to' us, it requires our participation. Decide how you'll want to work yours, and make yourself proud.

    Head high.
    thanks! I think I do chores and things like that and even writing can be a difficult task to overcome so I am def agreeing with you.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahJay
    thanks! I think I do chores and things like that and even writing can be a difficult task to overcome so I am def agreeing with you.
    Naaah, chores don't count. If you were living on your own, you'd need to do them--they're a minimum requirement of adult life. Writing is solitary. I'm speaking in terms of putting yourself out for somebody or something beyond your Self.

    It's smart to anticipate that you may not 'like' this. That's okay. The goal is to keep stretching yourself beyond comfort. You're already feeling the dullness that comes from isolation. As you grow older, that won't get better, it will get worse unless you push yourself to engage in stuff that doesn't cater to your own comfort, and while that 'can' be pursuit of something fun, if you can include service to your neighbors or neighborhood, a cause that you believe in, a kindness to someone else--even a stranger--then you'll be building the emotional musculature to thrive rather than shrivel.

    You're far too young to shrivel. If you avoid allowing your current limitations to progress, you will thank yourself later. If you keep yourself comfortable in isolation instead, you'll amplify your discomfort with the simplest of outside tasks, and you'll drill yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of.

    I'd start climbing now, instead. Make it a private goal to surprise yourself with your resilience, and to reward yourself regularly for your efforts.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Naaah, chores don't count. If you were living on your own, you'd need to do them--they're a minimum requirement of adult life. Writing is solitary. I'm speaking in terms of putting yourself out for somebody or something beyond your Self.

    It's smart to anticipate that you may not 'like' this. That's okay. The goal is to keep stretching yourself beyond comfort. You're already feeling the dullness that comes from isolation. As you grow older, that won't get better, it will get worse unless you push yourself to engage in stuff that doesn't cater to your own comfort, and while that 'can' be pursuit of something fun, if you can include service to your neighbors or neighborhood, a cause that you believe in, a kindness to someone else--even a stranger--then you'll be building the emotional musculature to thrive rather than shrivel.

    You're far too young to shrivel. If you avoid allowing your current limitations to progress, you will thank yourself later. If you keep yourself comfortable in isolation instead, you'll amplify your discomfort with the simplest of outside tasks, and you'll drill yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of.

    I'd start climbing now, instead. Make it a private goal to surprise yourself with your resilience, and to reward yourself regularly for your efforts.
    That's what I'm all about.

    lol thanks again.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    I found volunteering by me but it's animals (I love animals but am scared of being bitten or attacked, I know)
    Hello,
    I used to volunteer for a wildlife rehabilitation center that took in birds of prey and reptiles. I did it while I was lonely and depressed in college, and it pulled me out of depression. I probably would of committed suicide if I hadnít volunteered.

    I was absolutely TERRIFIED of snakes.
    Iím talking sh*-in-my-pants scared of them. But then I met one snake that was previously kept as a pet by his last owner, and was surrendered because the owner passed. That snake HELPED me cope with my fear of itís ďviciousĒ brethrens and I learned a lot more about respecting snakes and handling them safely so that I would NOT get bit. I eventually responsible of capturing and removing venomous snakes from public parks.

    Fun job. The pay was sh* but I got rewarded with the experience of a lifetime of helping injured wildlife. It felt damn good once I got over my fear.

    Yea I got hurt a couple of times because of my own damn stupidity. I also almost got my hand taken by a giant 40 lb alligator snapping turtle that was irritated with me trying to clean his artificial pond (damn lucky he missed). But itís not the end of the world, I healed, and have cool ass stories to tell my child and her grandkids 😎

    You really need to try it. Either at an animal shelter, wildlife rehabilitation, horse rescue, etc. it will give you a sense of purpose.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Snny
    Hello,
    I used to volunteer for a wildlife rehabilitation center that took in birds of prey and reptiles. I did it while I was lonely and depressed in college, and it pulled me out of depression. I probably would of committed suicide if I hadnít volunteered.

    I was absolutely TERRIFIED of snakes.
    Iím talking sh*-in-my-pants scared of them. But then I met one snake that was previously kept as a pet by his last owner, and was surrendered because the owner passed. That snake HELPED me cope with my fear of itís ďviciousĒ brethrens and I learned a lot more about respecting snakes and handling them safely so that I would NOT get bit. I eventually responsible of capturing and removing venomous snakes from public parks.

    Fun job. The pay was sh* but I got rewarded with the experience of a lifetime of helping injured wildlife. It felt damn good once I got over my fear.

    Yea I got hurt a couple of times because of my own damn stupidity. I also almost got my hand taken by a giant 40 lb alligator snapping turtle that was irritated with me trying to clean his artificial pond (damn lucky he missed). But itís not the end of the world, I healed, and have cool ass stories to tell my child and her grandkids 😎

    You really need to try it. Either at an animal shelter, wildlife rehabilitation, horse rescue, etc. it will give you a sense of purpose.
    Okay I will look into it. :) I'm glad it helped you so much. You sound adventurous!

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