Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 27

Thread: Lonely

  1. #11
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    711
    Gender
    Female
    I think that your not wanting to work is the real issue here. Do you think there's a part of you that enjoys playing the victim? Lots of people have anxiety about work, but they don't just stay home collecting a government check.

    I'm sure that there are many jobs that you could do that don't require a lot of multi-tasking, but as long as you aren't willing to get out of your bubble, there's not much anyone can do for you.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    49
    After I posted this, I found a group on facebook about self help and spirituality that meshes with who I am. So there's hope I may make a connection or at least get to express myself.

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    49
    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I think that your not wanting to work is the real issue here. Do you think there's a part of you that enjoys playing the victim? Lots of people have anxiety about work, but they don't just stay home collecting a government check.

    I'm sure that there are many jobs that you could do that don't require a lot of multi-tasking, but as long as you aren't willing to get out of your bubble, there's not much anyone can do for you.
    I'm not ready to work. I'm trying a new medication for my bipolar. I would say in a year or so I'd be willing again.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,342
    May I ask, do you live in a city or a more rural area?

    I'm a big fan of community centers, but I'm a bit bias there as I spent a lot of time volunteering and using them. There are so many resources there though! Some people go to church ( and maybe that's an attractive option for you?) for community connection and support, and community centers fill that need for others for inclusion.

    I've got lots of ideas but wondering what you community is like first?

  5.  

  6. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    49
    I'll stop by mine (I have before) to check out community center. I live in a town.I found volunteering by me but it's animals (I love animals but am scared of being bitten or attacked, I know) or hospice work which I don't think I would want to do right now or have the tools to handle. I do write for a website. But it's isolating. I found a facebook group AND opened up on my personal facebook on my bipolar disorder and why I haven't been in touch with people. I got likes, not many comments. I see the people w ho support me.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,342
    I think it's fantastic you are making the effort and being proactive!

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    49
    Thank you! I appreciate you reading and answering!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,169
    Originally Posted by SarahJay
    I'll stop by mine (I have before) to check out community center. I live in a town.I found volunteering by me but it's animals (I love animals but am scared of being bitten or attacked, I know) or hospice work which I don't think I would want to do right now or have the tools to handle. I do write for a website. But it's isolating. I found a facebook group AND opened up on my personal facebook on my bipolar disorder and why I haven't been in touch with people. I got likes, not many comments. I see the people w ho support me.
    Would it be possible for you to volunteer as a foster parent for cat or dog rescues? Or other animal rescues?

    Before my beloved Golden Retriever passed away this year, she was woman's best friend after my other BFF, a childhood friend who fortunately remains local to my geography. I really connected with my great dog who was so quiet, calm, supremely intelligent, extremely well behaved and exercised self control to the likes I had never seen which puts humans to shame. She was the highest caliber akin to a 'Guide Dog' for the blind or disabled. She graced me with her devoted life.

    I know a lot of people respect dogs (or cats or other animals) more than people because unlike humans, they're predictable, give you loyalty and unconditional love like no other on this planet. A lot of people are not into people yet they connect on an intrinsic, inherent level with their pets. They have a soul and even though they can't talk to you, both of you understand each other intuitively. It's magical.

    I hope you can find this type of bond which is beautiful.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,617
    Try not to let the self-defeating thoughts get the better of you. I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to connect with people and deal with the emptiness and loneliness within. I definitely found having a very strong spiritual connection helped.... exploring different options until I found one that worked for me... as well as walking through my fear bit by bit and opening up, as you have, so that I could not only connect with others but allow them to connect with me.

    That said, you need to learn to self-soothe to a degree and not expect friends to make you feel better or to help you fill the void... friendships need to be reciprocal and based on positive values that you can both give and receive. Friends will become overwhelmed very quickly if they feel they are being expected to just be a sounding board all the time.

    Sounds like this spiritual group might be a positive way for you to learn some tools to help you feel more uplifted, connected, and fulfilled... I hope it goes well!

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,266
    Gender
    Female
    I'd be careful not to evaluate every prospect for growth as something that must 'feel good' or necessarily be fun when you first try it out. I'd make a list of the things that I love to do, and then I'd consider those activities as my rewards for each baby step I take toward stretching myself beyond my comforts.

    The reason for this is that the more you cater to limitations, the more those will expand until your world becomes so small, you're trapped inside a deeper hole to climb out of.

    Instead, I'd consider each stretch as something to be celebrated and pursued again, no matter how much anxiety was involved or no matter how uninspiring the experience. Growth involves growing into new experiences. Cutting those off whenever they don't bring insta-happiness would be the biggest mistake I'd avoid.

    Sometimes we need to move ourselves out of our own way in order to focus on making someone else's life a bit easier or more pleasurable, and in doing so, we end up gaining a sense of pride and value that is cumulative over time. So I'd invest in something meaningful to me as my election to be of service beyond myself, and sometimes that just involves showing up for someone else. Each time I do that, I'd indulge in a reward.

    I'd confide in my therapist, a family member or a friend to keep me accountable in showing up for my commitments, and I'd build some structure into my life. Consider that even people who love their jobs don't necessarily feel thrilled on Monday mornings while making the transition from weekend time to work time. I'd use that mindset to keep myself on track to perform the 'work' of expanding my commitments and showing up for those.

    Healing isn't something that happens 'to' us, it requires our participation. Decide how you'll want to work yours, and make yourself proud.

    Head high.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •