Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 36

Thread: Ex-bf was nice and then super cold the next day. What is going on?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,084
    There are times when you can't figure people out. I know some people who have volatile personalities if you only discuss superficial subjects. If you dare discuss any other concern or issue, they'll send your head to the chopping block. You can't make rhyme nor reason with some people. They are who they are. A leopard can't change its spots. You accept them as is, work around their foibles, enforce boundaries and it's all you can do.

    If you have a choice to eliminate certain difficult people from your life such as your ex-boyfriend, you do just that. Stay away from unstable, mentally ill people. They're nothing but energy vampires.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,307
    Gender
    Male
    Try to just let go. Focus on accepting it's over and block him. There's no such thing as repeated closure talks and meets.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,394
    Gender
    Female
    He’s annoyed that the breakup just keeps dragging on.

    I know you are probably used to talking to him every day (or more) and you are going through your own emotions so you don’t see it... but let me illustrate.

    From your post - in the past 14 days...

    - He broke up with you <- this should have been the end of it. There should have been no more interaction since then

    - you spammed him
    - you sent him a letter
    - you ran into him, forced chit-chat and asked him to call
    - he called at your request
    - he texted to say “enough is enough” and to bring his stuff the day you were planning to meet (<- to this you could have just said “ok”)
    - you turned that into a conversation (because you said “throughout the day he texted..)
    - he said he didn’t want to meet and to please just drop off his stuff

    ... and you are taking days and days to drop it off...

    Sorry - but you really were dragging it out as long as possible and finding excuses or reasons to talk or meet, etc. That’s a whole lot of interaction with someone who is an ex. Breakups are like a band-aid. You have to just rip it off.

    I think most people would get annoyed, quite frankly. He keeps trying to go - and actually, I think he was quite kind and patient with you for a while, but now he’s just fed up and wants it done.

    Less is more with breakups.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    5,827
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by shrimpchips3
    I'm trying to do things right because this isn't just an ex, this is a person I care about and a good friend. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells no matter which direction I take. I did apologize for harassing him the moment after he breakup texted me though because it was incredibly immature. I make it clear that I do not mean anything I said during that heated moment, and I was feeling a mixture of many emotions and acted out on them; as would most people who are in the receiving end of a breakup.
    You said your piece to him and he's moved on. You feel your heart was stomped on and this guy has gone on with his life while you are looking for answers as to why he did what he did. Only he can explain that to you and he doesnt seem to want to. You can flog this dead horse until you are old and gray or you can move on with your life too, and be happy. Learn from this and go on to have a happy life with another guy, someone you may not have met yet.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,149
    This jerk dumped you over text. That's bad.

    You are doing backflips to be friends and stay in contact. Why? This guy disrespected you and you want to be friends.

    Let him to get his own crap, as you are not a delivery person. The block and delete. I see you did drop it off. UGH.

    Good friends do not treat you this way.

    I also don't get that spamming thing. That is something a teenager might do,

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,406
    Originally Posted by shrimpchips3
    Just wanted to understand what is going on in his mind when he just flipped a 180. We had a respectful conversation and at the same time, he reminded me that he doesn't hate me or anything. The next few days, he turns into Mr. Hyde. I don't think it's weird to find importance in keeping it friendly with an ex. I don't just like him as a lover, I genuinely liked him as a person, too. No different from any other close friends in my life. I didn't plan on keeping in touch with him frequently after the breakup though because I know we need a long period of time to distance ourselves and heal. I just wanted to share a few kind words before we part ways so that we don't just go on with our lives feeling resentful. I never wanted that. I want to keep it positive and not bitter.
    Understandable.

    But just because you feel the need to remain friends doesn’t mean he is required to.

    He broke up with you via text... that’s super disrespectful, I find it hard to believe your foundation of friendship was that strong if he felt it was ok to do that.

    You flung a bevy of insults via texts and messages, that kind of reaction again does not convey a strong friendship was there.

    It sounds like you’re using this friendship excuse to keep the lines of communication open, you aren’t the first to do this and you won’t be the last, it’s quite common, you were dragging out the breakup, constantly wanting to talk, again at its core it really seems like it was to keep the lines of communication open for reconciliation.

    Look if you hope to reconcile, you’re doing it wrong NC is the way to go, give him a chance to miss you, to rethink his choices, your actions post break up unfortunately seemed to just solidify his choice.

    Give it time and space, friendship can happen but not right now.

  8. #17
    Member shrimpchips3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    12
    Originally Posted by RedDress
    He’s annoyed that the breakup just keeps dragging on.

    I know you are probably used to talking to him every day (or more) and you are going through your own emotions so you don’t see it... but let me illustrate.

    From your post - in the past 14 days...

    - He broke up with you <- this should have been the end of it. There should have been no more interaction since then

    - you spammed him
    - you sent him a letter
    - you ran into him, forced chit-chat and asked him to call
    - he called at your request
    - he texted to say “enough is enough” and to bring his stuff the day you were planning to meet (<- to this you could have just said “ok”)
    - you turned that into a conversation (because you said “throughout the day he texted..)
    - he said he didn’t want to meet and to please just drop off his stuff

    ... and you are taking days and days to drop it off...

    Sorry - but you really were dragging it out as long as possible and finding excuses or reasons to talk or meet, etc. That’s a whole lot of interaction with someone who is an ex. Breakups are like a band-aid. You have to just rip it off.

    I think most people would get annoyed, quite frankly. He keeps trying to go - and actually, I think he was quite kind and patient with you for a while, but now he’s just fed up and wants it done.

    Less is more with breakups.
    Yeah, you're right.... I did a lot of dumb things without realizing it.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,543
    From your post - in the past 14 days...

    - He broke up with you <- this should have been the end of it. There should have been no more interaction since then

    - you spammed him
    - you sent him a letter
    - you ran into him, forced chit-chat and asked him to call
    - he called at your request
    - he texted to say “enough is enough” and to bring his stuff the day you were planning to meet (<- to this you could have just said “ok”)
    - you turned that into a conversation (because you said “throughout the day he texted..)
    - he said he didn’t want to meet and to please just drop off his stuff

    ... and you are taking days and days to drop it off...

    Sorry - but you really were dragging it out as long as possible and finding excuses or reasons to talk or meet, etc. That’s a whole lot of interaction with someone who is an ex. Breakups are like a band-aid. You have to just rip it off.
    Agree... all I could think when I read your post was "leave the guy alone already!"

    You need to stop playing games with him and do the right thing... cause right now you are coming across as a Stage 5 Clinger with a resentment as hot as the sun. Play it cool, drop his stuff off and go no contact so you can focus on moving on.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,794
    Gender
    Female
    Why is he cold? Because he.is.your.EX.

    As in you are not together anymore, history, in the past, done, finished, the end, finito. It's not complicated OP, you just have to start working on accepting that it really is over. Hugs to you, but please try to heal and move on and stop bothering with him, stop talking to him, finish up whatever you need to sort out and block and delete. You need to heal and move on and any contact from him, good or bad, keeps you stuck. Start thinking about your own well being and that means you stop thinking about him.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,075
    Gender
    Female
    Damn. I love shrimp chips.

    Break ups are hard every way around. I'm sorry this one is so abrupt. He might have felt a bit too intimidated by your personality. Without knowing either of you very well, there seems to be a bit of a personality clash there. He doesn't seem emotional to me in the sense that he's high strung or inordinately prone to sadness or whatever emotional might entail. The overrunning vibe I'm getting is intimidation and he's afraid of you. For whatever reason, your differences probably didn't allow for much dialogue and there may be a lot of insecurities there regarding your relationship and him not measuring up as a partner.

    This should also be a wake up call for you: out of respect for others, expect 50/50 on the friends with exes deal. If you're cool with it, it's 50/50 whether someone else is just not cool with it and you're going to have to respect that. Let him go and onwards and forwards.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •