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Thread: Secret relationship?

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Thank you Holly. I have made my whole world about this guy and have distanced myself from most everything else. Big mistake!
    Has he done the same for you?

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    OK...so what's the plan? Try yet again to "talk" to him about this?

    How many conversations have you had about this topic? And how many have had a truly successful result, as in, the outcome was completely satisfactory to you and relieved your anxiety?

    I don't see how one more "talk" will change a thing. He will appease you with a few pretty words but will not do a thing about what's upsetting you.

    How much longer?
    I know, he will do the same thing, make me feel like it's just my insecurity. I'm not sure what my next move is. It's disappointing he's not who I thought he was.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You will live with what you accept.

  4. #44
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Has he done the same for you?
    Honestly, I have no idea what goes on when I leave. I know he works two jobs, so that keeps him busy. I can't help feeling like I've been made a fool of.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Not a good recipe at all. In looking for comfort you’re just ending up more uncomfortable. You’re trying to extract something that isn’t there, coughing on fumes and calling it oxygen.

    You’re an awesome woman. We all had a blast in that last thread. It got light. It got fun. It got deep. And, yeah, we can all see your photo, so we know you’re a catch across the spectrum.

    If he can’t remind you of that simple, hard fact—that you are a major catch—there’s really no point.

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Honestly, I have no idea what goes on when I leave. I know he works two jobs, so that keeps him busy. I can't help feeling like I've been made a fool of.
    No, you haven't. You've seen clearly what he and this relationship are about. But you've chosen to try to turn a blind eye or to "hope" he will magically "change".

    You probably think you'll be miserable without him and that keeps you holding on. I will tell you that when my ex dumped me for a woman 16 years younger than me whom he'd been cheating on me with, my anxiety vanished immediately. I cut him out of my life and I've never felt better. I'm still angry and feel foolish that I spent 4 years trying desperately to get him to love me, but at least I'm not still there.

    I promise, after the initial "ouch" of ending the relationship, your anxiety and insecurity will be gone. Poof, like magic.

    Then, what I chose to do is refrain from dating until I figured out why I thought I loved a guy like that. No dating until you get it figured out. Otherwise your next relationship will be exactly the same.

  8. #47
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Not a good recipe at all. In looking for comfort you’re just ending up more uncomfortable. You’re trying to extract something that isn’t there, coughing on fumes and calling it oxygen.

    You’re an awesome woman. We all had a blast in that last thread. It got light. It got fun. It got deep. And, yeah, we can all see your photo, so we know you’re a catch across the spectrum.

    If he can’t remind you of that simple, hard fact—that you are a major catch—there’s really no point.
    Thank you! Yes, I took alot away from that last thread. Too bad it didn't stick with me. Maybe this time it will!

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    No, you haven't. You've seen clearly what he and this relationship are about. But you've chosen to try to turn a blind eye or to "hope" he will magically "change".

    You probably think you'll be miserable without him and that keeps you holding on. I will tell you that when my ex dumped me for a woman 16 years younger than me whom he'd been cheating on me with, my anxiety vanished immediately. I cut him out of my life and I've never felt better. I'm still angry and feel foolish that I spent 4 years trying desperately to get him to love me, but at least I'm not still there.

    I promise, after the initial "ouch" of ending the relationship, your anxiety and insecurity will be gone. Poof, like magic.

    Then, what I chose to do is refrain from dating until I figured out why I thought I loved a guy like that. No dating until you get it figured out. Otherwise your next relationship will be exactly the same.
    Good advice. I have a lot of life situations that I've put on the back burner to keep my attention totally focused on him. I haven't been getting the same in return. Just alot of disappointment and anxiety.

  10. #49
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Good advice. I have a lot of life situations that I've put on the back burner to keep my attention totally focused on him. I haven't been getting the same in return. Just alot of disappointment and anxiety.
    He is the cause of your disappointment and anxiety. Not the solution to it.

    Can you see that? Do you realize that trying to continue will result in nothing but more disappointment and anxiety?

    Some day you'll be dating a man who will be delighted to be involved with you. And you'll wonder why you wasted so much time trying to get this guy to treat you right.

    BUT...if you stay in this you'll never, ever meet that man.

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Thank you Holly. I have made my whole world about this guy and have distanced myself from most everything else. Big mistake!
    You deserve a heck of a lot better.

    Please make some changes by limiting your social media and getting out in the real work and sharing with old and new friends. it boosts the self esteem. Take classes, join groups that share your interests, volunteer, go to Meet ups, etc... Just get out and expand your social circle, then you will not be so dependent on male attention. We tend not to settle when our self worth is high.

    Dump this dead weight of a bf.

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