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Thread: Secret relationship?

  1. #31
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Are we reading the same responses? He is on a dating site, flirting with other girls, keeps you on the periphery of his life, and is keeping you a secret. Where do you not see him "hiding something?" There is no future with this guy! Stop making excuses.

    Dump him and get some counseling.
    I posted that before I saw some of the posts. I appreciate your input, but ease up a bit. I'm upset enough as it is.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I agree with you, bolt. I believe many people, myself included, made a similar observation in the last thread.

    My general feeling is that when we’re turning to social media to better understand something in our hearts—or the heart of another—we’ve already lost.

    If after two years you’re not on the same page about this stuff, if after two years you can’t have a conversation about dating sites but instead use tags as tests, I’d say some very important gears are not clicking into place.

    I too think these anxieties are coming from a good, genuine place. OP has long known that he is not as invested, not capable of meeting her on her emotional level. Accepting that is hard. Tagging is easy, though the outcome, it seems, is just as hard.

    There is a parallel universe where none of this matters because OP feels loved, prioritized. She doesn’t, and has turned FB into a thermometer for that. Unfortunately, the affect is to make feeling insecure more of the norm than to address it.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Frani, I say this without being condescending at all. You are a pretty woman, there are men your age that would love to find someone like you and be proud to show you off.

    You don't need to be treated this way by this guy, he's not worth it.

    But only you can allow better for yourself.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    I posted that before I saw some of the posts. I appreciate your input, but ease up a bit. I'm upset enough as it is.
    I hope you finally see this for what it is, and you are not back here in November, upset about his relationship status. I also hope that you will soon realize that you can do much better than this guy. Expand your life then you will not be so dependent on a man for validation.

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  6. #35
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    That's just an excuse to stay in this situation. Oh, I'm pathetic and I can't do anything about it! Yes, you can. But it's a choice; be strong or cast yourself in a victim role. Which do you prefer?
    Last conversation we had today was over the phone about this. He had to get ready for work. He was apologizing for upsetting me. He said he would call before he left for work so we can discuss it -- and of course he never called.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Last conversation we had today was over the phone about this. He had to get ready for work. He was apologizing for upsetting me. He said he would call before he left for work so we can discuss it -- and of course he never called.
    His lack of action is pretty clear.

  8. #37
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    There is a parallel universe where none of this matters because OP feels loved, prioritized. She doesn’t, and has turned FB into a thermometer for that. Unfortunately, the affect is to make feeling insecure more of the norm than to address it.
    Bingo! I am very forthcoming with my feelings, very affectionate and look for the same in return. It's not there. I could send him a three paragraph text about how I feel and all I get back is "Thank you honey". So, Bluecastle, you hit it squarely on the head. I'm looking for validation anywhere I can. Not a good recipe for a relationship is it?

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Last conversation we had today was over the phone about this. He had to get ready for work. He was apologizing for upsetting me. He said he would call before he left for work so we can discuss it -- and of course he never called.
    OK...so what's the plan? Try yet again to "talk" to him about this?

    How many conversations have you had about this topic? And how many have had a truly successful result, as in, the outcome was completely satisfactory to you and relieved your anxiety?

    I don't see how one more "talk" will change a thing. He will appease you with a few pretty words but will not do a thing about what's upsetting you.

    How much longer?

  10. #39
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Frani, I say this without being condescending at all. You are a pretty woman, there are men your age that would love to find someone like you and be proud to show you off.

    You don't need to be treated this way by this guy, he's not worth it.

    But only you can allow better for yourself.
    Thank you.

  11. #40
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I hope you finally see this for what it is, and you are not back here in November, upset about his relationship status. I also hope that you will soon realize that you can do much better than this guy. Expand your life then you will not be so dependent on a man for validation.
    Thank you Holly. I have made my whole world about this guy and have distanced myself from most everything else. Big mistake!

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