Secret relationship?

[FraniMar22]

Is he still on the dating site?

I'm not sure if he is or not. I'm sure I do need counseling if I'm willing to still put up with this . It makes me unhappy and even more insecure. Also, I just enjoy Facebook reconnecting with friends, seeing what other people are up to.

[SherrySher]

2 years and he refuses to acknowledge you to his friends and family and people on FB?

You are a secret. He wants you around but he doesn't want you cramping his style in case a better deal comes along.

It's fairly easy to see that.

A man in love should be proud to show you off, he's not doing that either.

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated so badly?

[SherrySher]

Oh right, you've met his family, a few times but it's still the same deal...he doesn't want you cramping his style on FB incase someone better comes along.

He wants to look single to all the ladies that he is liking their pictures.

It's pretty pathetic to be honest.

[FraniMar22]

So, no one here feels like he's hiding something -- just me being insecure? Maybe I should note at least twice he has had his relationship all over Facebook with pictures, etc. So, it can't be that he's too private. I saw the pictures and the comments. Why so different for me?

[boltnrun]

I remember your last feed very clearly. We can continue to focus on the nitty gritty of social media, or we can focus on what the nitty-gritty points at: that you are deeply uncomfortable inside this relationship, more anxious than calm, more doubtful than secure. When those become the dominant feelings in a relationship it’s typically best to listen to them rather than try to eliminate them through tags, status updates, and the creation of proxy tests where FB becomes the barometer of emotional health.

Whether he’s just not into it as you are, or whether he’s just not into FB as you are, the path you’re on is a path to heightened nerves and discomfort not calm and deeper connection. I mean, there’s a reason you think he’s only doing these gestures for you to see: because he is. He’s trying to offer you something to soothe you while also being himself, be that a man who is more private on FB or a man who is not as committed to this as you are.

Speaking for myself? This would drive me bonkers. I’m in a relationship with someone I am crazy about. If my gf wanted to announce, in a status update, that we are together I’d be weirded out, because I don’t do that. Never have. Fortunately, it doesn’t come up, ever. We’re on the same page on that, one of those little things that make the big thing possible. If she needed someone who validated the relationship through social media—no judgement, but it would mean I’m not the one for her and she’s not the one for me.

Maybe it’s time to think about it in those terms rather than in the dizzying muck of tags, likes, and updates?

Blue, she doesn't even know if he's still active on a dating site. Three months ago he was.

Facebook is a symptom. I have to presume it's easier to focus on that than on what's really going on here...OP, you are anxious and unsure about this relationship and for good reason. Question is, why continue when you know for a fact it isn't going to change?

[FraniMar22]

2 years and he refuses to acknowledge you to his friends and family and people on FB?

You are a secret. He wants you around but he doesn't want you cramping his style in case a better deal comes along.

It's fairly easy to see that.

A man in love should be proud to show you off, he's not doing that either.

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated so badly?

Honestly, I don't know why I'm allowing this. It is pathetic that I have so little self worth.

[Hollyj]

I'm not sure if he is or not. I'm sure I do need counseling if I'm willing to still put up with this . It makes me unhappy and even more insecure. Also, I just enjoy Facebook reconnecting with friends, seeing what other people are up to.

I strongly suggest more face-to-face with friends, it is much more substantial than likes and posts. I also suggest expanding your social life and getting off of social media.

[boltnrun]

So, no one here feels like he's hiding something -- just me being insecure? Maybe I should note at least twice he has had his relationship all over Facebook with pictures, etc. So, it can't be that he's too private. I saw the pictures and the comments. Why so different for me?

Um, no. Most of us agree that he has reasons for wanting to keep you a secret. Also, the fact that you don't even know if he's active on a dating site.

[SherrySher]

He is hiding something...he's hiding YOU.

He does not want you claiming territory on his FB page and he is getting angry over you trying to do it.

He wants to look like he's single and by the sounds of it, nothing is going to change his mind.

Heck no, you're not being insecure, FB now a days is the announcement place to all if anyone important enters your life.
He doesn't want that with you.

[boltnrun]

Honestly, I don't know why I'm allowing this. It is pathetic that I have so little self worth.

That's just an excuse to stay in this situation. Oh, I'm pathetic and I can't do anything about it! Yes, you can. But it's a choice; be strong or cast yourself in a victim role. Which do you prefer?